The Last Thirty Seconds | Teen Ink

The Last Thirty Seconds

May 12, 2010
By Imaginedangerous PLATINUM, Riverton, Utah
Imaginedangerous PLATINUM, Riverton, Utah
31 articles 0 photos 402 comments

It all comes down to this. Me against you. Problem being you're going to win.

The gun is off safety. I feel myself breathe and try not to think how it'll feel to have a little bullet tear through my lungs at a few hundred miles an hour. How I'll die. Your smile is chilling.

It all comes down to this. After six weeks and three thousand miles, the chase is over; I've lost. After a million lies and two other traps very much like this one that I survived to tell the tale- but this time, I don't think I'll make it. This time my hands are tied and any second you're going to pull the trigger.

I rotate my wrists frantically behind my back, but I can feel your gaze. We're alone, the two of us. And soon you'll be the only one.

The world is ending. Maybe not to six point five billion other people, but my world is ending. My personal universe is about to be brought to an abrupt halt, and I'll miss it. I don't want to die. It sounds plaintive, but it's true: I don't want to die.
If only my hands were free. That would be something. But my tugging is futile. I have nothing, almost nothing- all I've got is my own heartbeat and you're about to take that too.

You're saying something. Probably gloating over my defeat. But I'm not listening, I can only hear the blood in my ears. I can only think about whether it'll hurt, can only concentrate on the fact that I've failed.

The moment is rushing closer, I can feel it coming like a freight train that's ready to crush me into a bloody smear along the tracks. Your finger tightens on the trigger. It all comes down to this- and it's over. There's no chance.

And then, with a jolt that makes my already excited heart pound like a timpani, shoves adrenaline through every vein in my body and sends my brain into a perfect storm, I realize my left hand has come free.

The author's comments:
This is probably the shortest story I've ever written.

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This article has 16 comments.

on Feb. 26 2012 at 5:57 pm
CoreyVernot SILVER, Hamilton, Ohio
7 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today.

This is amazing writing! I can't believe it isn't in the magazine! Your descriptions are incredible. The ending actually makes the reader feel the adrenaline that you pump through your main character. Definitely one of my favorites!

on Jan. 22 2012 at 8:34 pm
__horizon133 PLATINUM, Portage, Michigan
26 articles 0 photos 231 comments

Favorite Quote:
"laugh, and the world laughs with you. laugh hysterically, and for no apparent reason, and they will leave you alone." anonymous

morbid for a second there--I love/hate moments of helplessness because i get to close to them in my head. then his left hand came free and i was like, oh, at least he won't die in so much dark noir. that moment at the end really lightened the tension--as i was reading it the whole piece felt like a dark funnel of roaring darkness and then an explosion of light at the end, all brilliant and glittery. spangled. that was the word i was looking for.

h3adf0n3s said...
on Jun. 3 2011 at 12:11 pm
that was so action packed it got my blood pumping, please write more!

on Mar. 13 2011 at 11:28 am
AmaranthaVoss BRONZE, Cedar Rapids, Iowa
1 article 0 photos 10 comments
I have read a lot of work. This piece is perfect. Perfect.

on Jan. 22 2011 at 11:03 pm
xX_so-confused_Xx PLATINUM, Renton, Washington
25 articles 0 photos 9 comments
This is a great story! I admit it is kind of confusing in the beggining; we (the readers) dont know how he got there or who was chasing him. Maybe do a pre-quel story? But this is phenominal writing. I wish I wrote it! :p

on Oct. 4 2010 at 11:17 pm
StevenH1028 SILVER, Fort Worth, Texas
7 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I promise not to make age an issue in this campaign. I will not make an issue out of my opponent's youth and inexperience."-Ronald Reagan

Nice shot with this one; I like it alot. Would you mind reading my story "Devin Thomas" and telling me what you think?

LASwan SILVER said...
on Sep. 12 2010 at 4:02 pm
LASwan SILVER, Yukon, Oklahoma
5 articles 0 photos 55 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don't worry about the world endng today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.
-Charles Schultz

Very well written, exceptional details. What I love is that the second I read the last sentence, my mind flooded with dozens of possible endings, kind of like Choose-Your-Own-Adventure. Fun stuff.

on Jun. 10 2010 at 2:10 pm
bbycks10 BRONZE, Laurel, Maryland
2 articles 0 photos 5 comments
ho-ly c***! very well done! i adored the ending, and you managed to keep my heart rate up throughout the story, short as it was. wonderful job!

_Mags_ SILVER said...
on Jun. 9 2010 at 5:54 pm
_Mags_ SILVER, Somewhere, North Carolina
9 articles 7 photos 436 comments

Favorite Quote:
- I stare danger in the face and giggle
- Never argue with an idiot, people might not know the difference
-R.A.P (Retards Attempting Poetry)
-Tip Cologne ryhmes with alone

wow, nough said

dancer13 GOLD said...
on Jun. 9 2010 at 4:42 pm
dancer13 GOLD, Troy, Michigan
19 articles 0 photos 98 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them." ~Jane Austen

wow! i loved the power in this. (: nice work!!

on Jun. 3 2010 at 12:51 pm
Imaginedangerous PLATINUM, Riverton, Utah
31 articles 0 photos 402 comments
I originally considered a trgic ending, but changed my mind. The whole point of the story is that you don't know exactly how it ends. Thanks for the feedback, though.

We-R-3 BRONZE said...
on Jun. 2 2010 at 7:21 pm
We-R-3 BRONZE, Orlando, Florida
1 article 0 photos 344 comments

Favorite Quote:
A picture is worth a thousand words, however it takes a real artist to turn words into pictures.

Have you heard about the new Lebron Iphone, you have to set it on vibrate because it doesn't have any rings

I love it you have got a good plot with some character development and a begining you could easily have an edge of your seat thriller.

HOWEVER in just a short story it is kind of just TOO conveinant to let his hand go free, if there is no more to be written have a tragic ending.

on May. 29 2010 at 2:44 pm

Simon Cowel feedback (you asked for it!)

Wow! That was an incredible ending. I absolutely LOVED how you ended the story. But there's a few things that need a little polishing to turn this from a good story to a great story.

The third sentence: "Problem being" should be "Problem is"

"The world...too" is a paragraph in need of some help. The sentence with the "six point five" is awkward. I would either delete it or say something like "the rest of the world will go on without me" or "maybe the millions of other people will continue to enjoy their lives" something like that. But such a big number to be written out like that is kind of unnecessary.

Another minor detail in there: you had a punctiation error. The sentence needs to be "I have nothing--almost nothing" or "I have nothing; almost nothing" because a comma doesn't fit there. (personally I would use the hyphen on both ends so it looks like this: "I have nothing--almost nothign--all..." but a semicolon works too.)

Also in the last sentance is incomplete. If you take out the clause "with...timpani" you have "And then shoves adrenaline..." What is doing the shoving? The rest of the sentence is great.

Just fix those things up and it looks professional. It's a great perspective, it has rythm, it's incredibly suspenseful, and I have to say it's one of my favorite stories that I've read on this website. Great job!

on May. 29 2010 at 12:48 pm
WhiteRabbit BRONZE, Chicago, Illinois
3 articles 2 photos 80 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Why do we fall sir? So we can learn to pick ourselves back up." -Batman Begins

In my opinion this has highly exceptional details. The description of how he felt at the mometn was unbelievable, but, and I dont mean to be mean, we dont know how he really got there it doesn't matter much if its just a little but its better to have some than none, but overall good story, hope this helps.

on May. 18 2010 at 5:42 pm
Imaginedangerous PLATINUM, Riverton, Utah
31 articles 0 photos 402 comments
No, sorry. Like I said, the shortest story I've ever written.

Anonymous said...
on May. 18 2010 at 4:16 pm
is there any more to this?