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The mortals think being an angel is all that one would want in life. Or death.
It's not. Not even close. I know this because I’m an angel, I serve God, and I was there when his son was born, I was one of that many that sang to the shepherds. My name is Emelle, and heaven is like hell to me.
It used to be great though, a few centuries back, when I was younger and more innocent and I knew less of the world. But now I do, and it has near destroyed me. Angels don’t get involved in lives, they don’t help, we pray, we hope. People think that we are the reason for their miracles, their loves and their luck, but we aren’t. All we do is hope and beg God, they’re the only being that can help humans.
All angels have the power to change mortal lives, not as much as God admittedly, but we could change some things. Only God doesn’t like it, they don’t like us to interfere, they say that it’s in the mortal's very nature to mess things up, but the mortals will always sort it out, eventually.
This is a lie.
I've seen too many people die, they throw themselves off cliffs, buildings, into roads and out of cars. They take drugs and watch passively while other people slowly die out of worry. I’ve seen people killed in the name of my God, people killed for other gods, for love, for colour. I’ve seen women and men bruised and broken, I’ve seen women starve for beauty, and others be shamed for being beautifully different.
If this is how humans sort out their lives, I dread to think what they will do once they die.
In Heaven we dance on clouds and sing and praise God, we feast on wines and the most delectablefeasts. I have a whole host of beautiful dresses and many admirers. This is what people imagine as Heaven, all parties and love and peace. But it isn’t, not for me.
Looking down every day, and seeing new days dawn and new nights begin and knowing that things won’t be different is the worst feeling in the world. And if I'm being honest, I envy the mortals. They have the power to change their worlds and other people’s worlds, but they don’t know. None of them, they just carry on their lives unknowing. Whereas I know how much power I have, and I know exactly what I can do, but I can’t do anything. Because I'm an angel, and angels look pretty onpedestals, but aren't allowed to do anything.
And the sad truth is that nothing will ever change. I’ve lost hope. I remember the wars that peoplestill recall, and I remember the ones that have been lost by time. I remember arguments and divides, both personal and impersonal. I remember every single time someone breaks someone else’s heart, and I remember every name.
I know many of the angels think that the ‘good’ outweighs the ‘bad’. But I honestly, I can’t seem to see the bright side. Painting bright colours over a wall doesn’t cover the mould.
The thing is, before humans were around, the world lived peacefully. Before power and money and ambition the world was how God had wished.
The funny thing, or rather the sad thing, is that what the mortals aspire to, and what they think will save them, is actually what will kill them.
Some mortals believe in God and in a Heaven, and this is true. But what they also believe is that there is a Devil.
This isn't true.
Mortals make their own Devils, there isn't any need of an immortal one.
And a fear without a name, a terror without a face, is the most dangerous thing in the world.