Origins Of The Earth | Teen Ink

Origins Of The Earth MAG

By Anonymous

   Long ago there was nothing. Nothing was there, in the sense of no matter occupying the empty space around where and throughout where we are now, and in the sense of extreme poverty among what can't be considered matter (to us anyway)... that means that ninety to ninety-five percent of all Gods, Goddesses, Deities and religiously related Sentient Beings were currently lacking any form of self support. It soon became apparent that no Welfare funding was in any way, shape, or form going to materialize out of nowhere to help these poor, helpless, all-powerful beings unless of course one of them puts forth the effort to comprehend welfare and willed it to be supplied to all poor beings. No such luck...obviously they would have to create their own work until such a time arose that REAL jobs materialized out of nowhere. This was accomplished with some success, but mostly failure.

The first real success (if it can be called that) came when one of the lesser Gods of Quadrant 142-5687-34 discovered a method to maintain a fourth-dimensional plane. This was regarded as a tremendous achievement and was named after the inventor...Time. Time soon discovered a major setback in his work. The side effect from maintaining such a dimension was the lack of things to fill it with. This side effect was soon nicknamed...Boredom. The problem with an unfilled dimension is the untouched area within stretches out to fill the rest and soon it becomes apparent to even the most nearsighted being that someone is really trying to stay busy without much success. This is only solved through outside help and that means removing material from another dimension of the same caliber. The entire process creates a constant and uneven motion of the fourth dimension which must continue or boredom sets in. Time soon discovered the solution to this problem. Simply cut away a portion of each dimension that is categorized under the fourth and fuse the outer edges with intergalactic resin (which will stick to nothing unless instructed otherwise by a powerful - and rich - being). The concept of time flying by is merely the experience of falling into the path of a helpful fourth dimension and being pushed along by particles of loose intergalactic resin which has lost its stick due to underpayment of its salary. Time is honored by the other beings as the father of the modern universe.

The second success was the second and third dimensions which were simply elementary school stuff after figuring out the intricate fourth. Not long after that, all of the (at least semi-intelligent) beings were willing inventions all over the place. It was not until after the third great success that things began to slope downward.

The third and most vital of the inventions was the idea of the Universe. It took the Milky Wayian God three years to completely explain his spectacular theory. The GHGOGGASB (Grand High Group of Gods Goddesses and Sentient Beings) began moving out the work forces day and night. Each being was responsible for three planets and a sun. Some of the more efficient Gods formed teams and went around inventing entire solar systems comprised of more than nine or ten planets, their moons, and sometimes even binary systems containing more than one sun. When the dust cleared (after some inexpressible amount of the fourth dimension) all of the being were immensely pleased with their handy work. The Milky Wayian God outdid them all however by creating a planet which had the capability to support and maintain life on its own...Earth!n

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i love this !