How to Properly Prepare for the Apocalypse | Teen Ink

How to Properly Prepare for the Apocalypse

February 2, 2012
By TheDuck GOLD, Braselton, Georgia
TheDuck GOLD, Braselton, Georgia
11 articles 12 photos 77 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Raids, bullets, crime... no problem. A missing duster? Crisis."-The Last Sacrifice
"If we stand for nothing, we'll fall for anything." -All Time Low

With that 2012 bearing down on us, people are freaking out and running around like headless chickens. Follow these easy steps to prepare for your impending doom ensuring a cheerful apocalypse!
Step One: Always remember, there is a chance for survival, so gather and store any necessities such as food, water, clothing, matches, flint and steel (just on case the matches fail), firewood, a bunker, and a generator. Also remember that you may be the only one left, at least in your area, so you need to know how to be self-sufficient in all levels of expertise.
Step Two: Always remember, there is a chance for no survival, so sell anything that is not important for survival and party like a rock star. Just remember, not all rock stars are cool. If you would like an awesome “End of the World” compilation CD, check out the song options below.

End of the World by Blondie

Hello, Brooklyn by All Time Low

The End of the World by Skeeter Davis

The End of the World by The Cure

Until The End of the World by U2

It’s The End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine) by R.E.M.

It’s Not The End Of The World, But I Can See It From Here by the Lostprophets

From The End of the World by E.L.O. (Electric Light Orchestra)

Waiting At the End of the World by Simple Minds

99 Luftballoons by Nena

Apocalypse Please by Muse

Bad Moon Rising by Creedence Clearwater Revival
Step Three: With the apocalypse comes, of course, zombies. To stay zombie free, you must create a zombie killing kit. To prepare your kit, make sure you have an abundance of guns and ammunition and other various weapons that can be used against the evil, unnatural, and undead beings that may roam the ruins of what used to be the world. Just remember to shoot the zombies twice as to not become a human happy meal. To know more, watch the ever so informational movie, Zombieland.
Step Four: Learn as many trades as possible, such as car repair and matters in electricity and medicine to be able to carry on in a manner as you do now… Well, sort of. Cars are kind of a moot point if there is no gas. I suggest buying the proper tools for repairs and anything else that is needed for survival, because, let’s face it, you can’t live of your good looks when no one else is around, now can you?
Step Five: Say goodbye to your loved ones, though it may bum you out. Yes, it’s hard letting go, but if the later become zombies, you can’t pull a Pet Cemetery and let them eat you. Man up and pull out the big guns! Also refer back to Step One. It could give you hope.
Happy Apocalypse!
*For further information, read Stephen King’s The Stand.
***Results may vary

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