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In the beginning, before Money created the universe, the earth was formless anddesolate. The raging ocean was engulfed in total darkness, and Money commanded,"Let there be light" - and light appeared. And that was the firstday.
Then Money commanded, "Let the water come together in one place,so that land will appear." It named the land, "Earth," and thewater, "Sea." Then, Money made Jaguars and yachts and said,"Jaguars shall rule the Land, yachts the Sea." And those were thesecond and third days.
Then Money said, "Let light appear in the skyto separate day from night and to show the time when office parties, AcademyAwards, and Jaguar test drives (and other notable events) shall be held."And Money was pleased with everything it saw - and that was the fourthday.
Then Money commanded, "Let the water be filled with many kindsof expensive living beings, and let the air be filled with costly birds." Socaviar, lobsters, pigeons, ducks and snakes (which are a delicacy only in remoteparts of Africa) were made. Money blessed these creatures, and that was the fifthday.
Then Money said, "Now the time has come to create the Elite.They will be like me and resemble me, and shall have power over all animals (andtheir respective market prices).
They will drive Jaguars, have bacchanalson yachts, host office parties, get orchestra seats at the Academy Awards, andtest drive a different Jaguar every day."
Money blessed the Elite.Then, It looked at everything It created and made, and was very pleased. Eveningpassed and morning came - that was the sixth day.
And so the wholeuniverse was finished. Money stopped working and set aside the seventh day as aholy day. This was to be the day designated for the Elite to have maritalaffairs, make up codes of etiquette, and set the market prices for caviar,lobsters, pigeons, ducks and snakes (which are a delicacy only in remote parts ofAfrica). Money made a paradise for the Elite to indulge in their pleasures, andnamed it The Garden of Beverly Hills.
Disobedience of theElite
Life was grand for the Elite; their Jaguars were fabulous,their caviar lovely, and their affairs simply delightful. They could do whateverthey wished in the beautiful Hills. Everything, except eat anything that was notdeemed by Money to be fit for them.
So, one day when a small group of theblessed beings were driving through a remote part of the Hills, they happened tonotice (while waiting for the light to change) a tree bearing oddly shaped fruitthat they had never seen before. The group (after getting their expensivevehicles valet parked) approached the tree.
Now, a snake lived near thetree, and it was a most vengeful creature. Snakes were in a constant state ofrage, because Money considered all of the other creatures It created a delicacyall around the world, while they were only considered a delicacy in remote partsof Africa. Members of the Elite, seeing the forbidden fruits, questioned eachother as to what would happen if they ate it. Just as they were about to leave,the snake approached them.
"Did Money really tell you not to eat anyfruit that It had deemed unworthy?"
The small group of Elite lookedat one another, nodded confidently.
The snake continued, "And do youknow why you were commanded not to eat these fruits?"
Upon seeing thedumbfounded expressions of the Elite, the snake seized his opportunity. "Itis because if you did eat these sacred fruits, you would become richer than anybeing on Earth, including Money Itself."
As soon as they heard this,the small, greedy band of the Elite started pushing, shoving, kicking and clawingtoward the tree. A few unlucky ones were even trampled to death, but the othersdidn't care. Money was all that mattered in their minds, and they were going toget it no matter who they had to kill.
The snake watched with an amusedexpression as the surviving members of the Elite began feasting on the apples.But after taking all the apples from their owner, the Elite grew sad andremorseful looking at those they had killed in their greed. A great cry arosefrom the Elite, and they wailed, "Oh, what have we done. We have killedothers for the sake of Money."
The Elite didn't know how to deal withthis new feeling (which was later named Guilt); they had never experienced itbefore. Fearful of this new feeling, the Elite saw the snake peering down at themfrom the top of the tree.
"What did those apples do to us?" theydemanded.
The snake smiled mischievously and at them and answered,"They gave you many things - compassion, benevolence, generosity, kindnessand remorse - all of which Money never gave you."
Before the groupcould respond, the snake slithered away, leaving them in confusion and despair.They sadly decided that it was their responsibility to admit their wrong-doing tothe other members of the Elite. So, after burying the fallen Elite under theapple tree, they drove to the temple where Money was worshipped.
Thetemple of Money was a magnificent edifice; its walls were adorned with jewelry,gold, silver and diamonds (no zirconium, of course). The temple was always filledwith indulgences of every kind; for Money Itself lived there. But when the smallband of Elite entered the temple, all laughing and indulgences ceased. For thefaces of the newcomers were covered with a some mystical form of water, and theirbreathing consisted of short, irregular gasps.
Upon seeing the newcomers,Money became enraged, saying, "Who taught you how to be remorseful? Why haveyou eaten the fruit which I have forbidden?"
Money became angry withthe small group and threw them out of the Garden, telling them that they werenever to return! Money also put a curse on the group, and made it so that thesepeople lost their Elite status, and could never have Jaguars or yachts or caviaror anything else worth living for. But lo! These pagan people flourished, andrenounced Money.
The righteous members of the Elite who remained faithfuland good are were blessed many times over. They did not have to toil like thepagans. Unlike the pagans, they knew no work, nor poverty, nor sadness. In fact,those blessed Elite still live in that labeled Garden and worship Money to thisvery day. 1