The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes | Teen Ink

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.


[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.

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This article has 1970 comments.


xit said...
on Oct. 13 at 1:32 pm
xit, Pasadena, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
must suck to suck

SHIVER ME TIMBERS

s396172 said...
on Sep. 13 at 6:15 pm
s396172, Chandler, Arizona
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
This is very funny, i’d totally act out this play with my friends. Twilight is kinda old so i’m glad to see it still being popular :] nope nevermind this is old buttt i’m glad people found it this year!

on Aug. 28 at 4:15 pm
Roxanna_Foxe SILVER, Anonymous, North Carolina
8 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see." - Mark Twain

I've never even read/watched the Twilight Saga and I feel like a part of the fandom LOL

Hex SILVER said...
on Aug. 5 at 7:37 pm
Hex SILVER, Raleigh, North Carolina
5 articles 2 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Homework is like medicine.... If you take too much, it can kill you,”

@SparrowSun I do agree with you, but sometimes comments on older content are good. When I first started Teek-Ink a lot of the things I was seeing were all old, even when I looked for new stuff. Old and new comments I saw on the author's works gave me ideas and motivation.

on Jun. 27 at 9:09 pm
SparrowSun ELITE, X, Vermont
182 articles 22 photos 979 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It Will Be Good." (complicated semi-spiritual emotional story.)
And the words I say most often: "Where was I?"

why is everyone commenting on this? its from 2009! the author has almost certainly forgotten it exists. they don't care. please comment on something new with an author who a single comment would mean the world to!

Hex SILVER said...
on Apr. 22 at 2:56 pm
Hex SILVER, Raleigh, North Carolina
5 articles 2 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Homework is like medicine.... If you take too much, it can kill you,”

I was just innocently scrolling though TeenInk and run across this BEAUTY!!!!

oliviav05 GOLD said...
on Apr. 18 at 10:13 am
oliviav05 GOLD, Grand Blanc, Michigan
12 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." -Nelson Mandela

Hahaha. Why is this so true??

on Apr. 16 at 11:00 am
Its_Vivian BRONZE, Lancaster, Wisconsin
1 article 2 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
Always remember, you are BRAVER than you believe
STRONGER than you seem
SMARTER than you think
& LOVED more than you know

LOL🤣🤣🤣🤣

Its_Brooklyn said...
on Apr. 14 at 10:10 am
Its_Brooklyn, Lancaster, Wisconsin
0 articles 16 photos 12 comments
lol, love it

on Jan. 7 at 2:53 pm
Cara_Writes_Fic, Joliet, Illinois
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
This is amazing.

on Jan. 7 at 2:53 pm
Cara_Writes_Fic, Joliet, Illinois
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
This is amazing.

BookWorm2007 said...
on Dec. 27 2020 at 10:22 pm
BookWorm2007, Wayne, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence of your failure."

Kill me so I can live forever! I think she meant bite me. OoPS SorrY i'M a sCorpiO.

BookWorm2007 said...
on Dec. 27 2020 at 10:22 pm
BookWorm2007, Wayne, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence of your failure."

Kill me so I can live forever! I think she meant bite me. OoPS SorrY i'M a sCorpiO.

BookWorm2007 said...
on Dec. 27 2020 at 10:22 pm
BookWorm2007, Wayne, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence of your failure."

Kill me so I can live forever! I think she meant bite me. OoPS SorrY i'M a sCorpiO.

BookWorm2007 said...
on Dec. 27 2020 at 10:22 pm
BookWorm2007, Wayne, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence of your failure."

Kill me so I can live forever! I think she meant bite me. OoPS SorrY i'M a sCorpiO.

BookWorm2007 said...
on Dec. 27 2020 at 10:22 pm
BookWorm2007, Wayne, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence of your failure."

Kill me so I can live forever! I think she meant bite me. OoPS SorrY i'M a sCorpiO.

BookWorm2007 said...
on Dec. 27 2020 at 10:22 pm
BookWorm2007, Wayne, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence of your failure."

Kill me so I can live forever! I think she meant bite me. OoPS SorrY i'M a sCorpiO.

BookWorm2007 said...
on Dec. 27 2020 at 10:22 pm
BookWorm2007, Wayne, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence of your failure."

Kill me so I can live forever! I think she meant bite me. OoPS SorrY i'M a sCorpiO.

BookWorm2007 said...
on Dec. 27 2020 at 10:22 pm
BookWorm2007, Wayne, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence of your failure."

Kill me so I can live forever! I think she meant bite me. OoPS SorrY i'M a sCorpiO.

BookWorm2007 said...
on Dec. 27 2020 at 10:22 pm
BookWorm2007, Wayne, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence of your failure."

Kill me so I can live forever! I think she meant bite me. OoPS SorrY i'M a sCorpiO.