The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes | Teen Ink

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.


[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.

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This article has 1967 comments.


WannaWrite20 said...
on Oct. 27 2020 at 12:53 pm
WannaWrite20, Kettle Falls, Washington
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

This is AMAZING

Vulture1102 said...
on Oct. 25 2020 at 4:07 pm
Vulture1102, Arlington, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you are right-Henry Ford

Yo, this made my day, and that’s a hard thing to do for me this year.

KJ03 said...
on Oct. 16 2020 at 8:27 am
KJ03, Ewing, New Jersey
0 articles 0 photos 18 comments
As someone who has watched and read the series, I found this quite funny because it was accurate and there was some twisted humor that got me to laugh.

KJ03 said...
on Oct. 16 2020 at 8:27 am
KJ03, Ewing, New Jersey
0 articles 0 photos 18 comments
As someone who has watched and read the series, I found this quite funny because it was accurate and there was some twisted humor that got me to laugh.

KJ03 said...
on Oct. 16 2020 at 8:26 am
KJ03, Ewing, New Jersey
0 articles 0 photos 18 comments
As someone who has watched and read the series, I found this quite funny because it was accurate and there was some twisted humor that got me to laugh.

KJ03 said...
on Oct. 16 2020 at 8:26 am
KJ03, Ewing, New Jersey
0 articles 0 photos 18 comments
As someone who has watched and read the series, I found this quite funny because it was accurate and there was some twisted humor that got me to laugh.

KJ03 said...
on Oct. 16 2020 at 8:26 am
KJ03, Ewing, New Jersey
0 articles 0 photos 18 comments
As someone who has watched and read the series, I found this quite funny because it was accurate and there was some twisted humor that got me to laugh.

KJ03 said...
on Oct. 16 2020 at 8:26 am
KJ03, Ewing, New Jersey
0 articles 0 photos 18 comments
As someone who has watched and read the series, I found this quite funny because it was accurate and there was some twisted humor that got me to laugh.

on Jun. 23 2020 at 4:41 pm
Chloë3808 BRONZE, Devon, Other
2 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
When you are older, you'll regret the things you don't do in life more than the things that you did.

this was.... amazing

Lynn_Grace said...
on May. 29 2020 at 5:46 pm
Lynn_Grace, Edmond, Oklahoma
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments
The most eloquent, complex thing I have ever read. A masterpiece!
The dance-off is just... A work of art. You have a way with words! Bravo.

on Apr. 13 2020 at 9:56 am
Funny_Fangirl, Festus, Missouri
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments
LOL, now I don't have to read the actual series!

on Jan. 29 2020 at 3:25 pm
IsabelleMarieMartin SILVER, Oberlin, Louisiana
5 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
'It's never too late to be what you might have been". -George Elliot

You are a very outstanding writer. You should work on scripts for movies or tv shows. Please check my work if you get a chance. I hope you like mine as much as i like yours.

on Jan. 10 2020 at 12:49 pm
WolfieDW BRONZE, Mountain View, California
1 article 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If my life was to be just a single note in an endless symphony, how could I not sound it out for as long and as loudly as I could?" - Lauren Wolk, Wolf Hollow

I laughed so hard! "JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi? EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic." ;D ;P

thisaintit said...
on Sep. 17 2019 at 7:45 am
thisaintit, Atlanta, Georgia
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
it surprised me, how long i was willing to wait for something that was only a possibility

@avathebooknerd my aunt is naming her unborn child mosirah so...ig its a free world XD

KayLai said...
on Aug. 2 2019 at 12:54 pm
KayLai, Eugene, Oregon
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
either do it right, or dont do it at all

9:54 am. Tries not to burst into laughter and wake up moody older sister. But yes, this is amazing

on Jun. 4 2019 at 8:41 am
Lilycook212 BRONZE, New Castle, Delaware
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
I found this very funny and interesting to read.

My_Author said...
on May. 14 2019 at 6:17 pm
My_Author, No, Oklahoma
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
Hey there beautiful. Remember, be yourself.

Can't say how true this is XD

Word_Addict said...
on May. 1 2019 at 11:12 am
Word_Addict, Weston, Massachusetts
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
Sarcasm (sahr-kaz-uhm)
[noun]
1. The body’s natural defense against the less intelligent
2. A sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remark
Ex: “Is your car stuck in the mud?”
“No. No, of course not. I’m just practicing how to spray mud using my tires.”

*wipes tear from eye* poetry.

on Apr. 18 2019 at 1:53 pm
Maddie_Cheshire SILVER, London, Other
6 articles 2 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm not crazy. My reality is just different from yours. ~The Cheshire Cat

I haven't read the actual series, but my suspicions have been confirmed.
This is one of the most beautiful pieces of writing that has ever come out of sparkly skinned vampirical fiction.
XD

on Apr. 18 2019 at 1:53 pm
Maddie_Cheshire SILVER, London, Other
6 articles 2 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm not crazy. My reality is just different from yours. ~The Cheshire Cat

I haven't read the actual series, but my suspicions have been confirmed.
This is one of the most beautiful pieces of writing that has ever come out of sparkly skinned vampirical fiction.
XD