The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes | Teen Ink

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.

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This article has 1967 comments.

on Apr. 28 2017 at 7:06 am
HereSheIs BRONZE, Wellesley, Massachusetts
3 articles 0 photos 187 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." -Plato

This is what the Twighlight books/movies should have been, because it's much higher quality and an awesome parody :)

on Feb. 21 2017 at 3:34 pm
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
Lmao! amazing

on Feb. 21 2017 at 11:07 am
RashelLiko SILVER, Tirana, Other
9 articles 0 photos 22 comments
Hilarious! XD

Yld777 SILVER said...
on Feb. 21 2017 at 7:33 am
Yld777 SILVER, Tirana, Other
6 articles 0 photos 22 comments
nice and funny

on Feb. 19 2017 at 2:39 pm
AditiVibgyor BRONZE, Bhopal, Other
3 articles 0 photos 10 comments
Wow this was extremely hilarious!!

on Jan. 30 2017 at 9:45 am
0 articles 3 photos 2 comments
Omg I've read The Twilight series and this practically sums everything up. Lol this was really funny.

lmckenney said...
on Nov. 3 2016 at 7:52 am
This was funny I laughed so hard!

on Oct. 24 2016 at 10:14 am
JasonEdwardWilson BRONZE, Edgewater Park, New Jersey
1 article 0 photos 4 comments
So great, I died

on Oct. 24 2016 at 10:04 am
This was so funny because it was so true.

on Oct. 24 2016 at 9:50 am
MomoTheLemur BRONZE, Burlington City, New Jersey
1 article 0 photos 9 comments
Amazingly amazing

Eric Breazy said...
on Oct. 24 2016 at 9:48 am
The beauty The romance The confusion Teenage love

AGupta1 BRONZE said...
on Oct. 19 2016 at 2:13 pm
AGupta1 BRONZE, Naperville, Illinois
3 articles 0 photos 1 comment
Keep writing please! I laughed out loud and my mother looked at me like I was crazy.

Ebony_Strike said...
on Sep. 29 2016 at 8:06 pm
Ebony_Strike, Munhall, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
I think this may have been the best thing I have ever read.

on Sep. 20 2016 at 10:34 am
Trench_Coat BRONZE, PERU, Indiana
2 articles 1 photo 33 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Promise me you'll survive.
That you won't give up,
no matter what happens,
no matter how hopeless"- Titanic

this is amazing

on Sep. 2 2016 at 4:02 pm
Screen_name: BRONZE, Phoenix, Arizona
1 article 0 photos 5 comments
This sums it up perfectly

on Sep. 2 2016 at 11:28 am
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
make a part 2!!!

on Aug. 29 2016 at 8:14 pm
Sincerely,_Anonymous SILVER, None Of Your Business, New Jersey
5 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
My favorite quote of all time is said by Dumbledore in "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows". It is,
"Of course it is happening inside your head, but why on Earth should that mean it isn't real?"

Never even seen/read anything about Twilight but this was so, so, so, so, sooooooo funny! Literally every line made me lol. I love that it's in play/script form too.

Daksteel said...
on Aug. 17 2016 at 1:31 pm
Daksteel, Tucson, Arizona
0 articles 0 photos 328 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Call upon the Goddess and God to protect you and teach you the secrets of Magic. Ask stones and plants reveal their powers - and listen."
- Unknown

lol not a twilight fan but this made me chuckle

Darktress said...
on Aug. 8 2016 at 4:26 pm
Darktress, Tucson, Arizona
0 articles 0 photos 59 comments
nice are you writting one on here?

on Aug. 8 2016 at 4:24 pm
Amberleaf BRONZE, Tucson, Arizona
1 article 0 photos 127 comments

Favorite Quote:
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder-Molly Bawn

Writing a story