The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes | Teen Ink

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.

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This article has 1967 comments.

on Feb. 1 2010 at 5:28 pm
sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
30 articles 0 photos 332 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have always wanted to write in such a way that people say, 'I have always thought that but never found the words for it.'" -anonymous

Sadly enough, I am closet obsessed with edward... except i just came out of the closet by saying that....

Anyway I loved it. Everything you said was so true. Great piece of writing: no. But was Twilight a great piece of writing? Nope. Check out my work and post comments.

Moligra said...
on Feb. 1 2010 at 2:55 pm
That was hilarious! We are still laughing in class! Ha ha! I loved the way the dialoge summarized the whole saga! Keep it up!

on Feb. 1 2010 at 1:34 pm
RiotRave SILVER, Earlimart, California
7 articles 0 photos 36 comments

Favorite Quote:
"What the frick?!!"
"That's what she said"

This had me laughing (in my head cuz I'm in class) even though I never read that twilight junk. Hilarious!!!

on Jan. 30 2010 at 1:01 pm
Mzday73 PLATINUM, Princeton Junction, New Jersey
31 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth." -Mark Twain

This is so funny- the best Twilight parody ever! XD

on Jan. 30 2010 at 12:30 pm
pfeferminz SILVER, Sebastopol, California
9 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
Everyone has the right to be stupid but some people abuse the privilege......

hahahahahaha This So funny

on Jan. 25 2010 at 5:01 pm
lilmisswriterme BRONZE, Milford, Delaware
3 articles 0 photos 13 comments

on Jan. 25 2010 at 1:28 pm
lily1411 BRONZE, Fargo, North Dakota
2 articles 0 photos 69 comments

Favorite Quote:
Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.

--Benjamin Franklin

Dude, this is hilarious! VERY creative too, haha:D You should so do more of other movies/books!

on Jan. 25 2010 at 8:26 am
Logan Mahaffey BRONZE, Uhrichsville, Ohio
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
This made me lol. Great job!

on Jan. 24 2010 at 11:00 am
live~en~livre BRONZE, Maplewood, New Jersey
2 articles 1 photo 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." --Albus Dumbledore.
* I can't seem to follow this quote at all, but I still love it.

That was really hilarious! good job! you should do one for... hm.... idk... like harry potter.... but that might be really hard. O well! great job!

on Jan. 23 2010 at 10:06 pm
VioletsandVoice, Spiritwood, North Dakota
0 articles 0 photos 170 comments
well you made me laugh so I'll give you point for that, if not for complete accuracy

on Jan. 23 2010 at 3:33 pm
expressiveme BRONZE, Houston, Texas
3 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"love is only defined by a single feeling that we as humans believe in" - expressiveme

its was really good and captured the good moments of it... made me smile :)

on Jan. 23 2010 at 8:55 am
WillHug4Money GOLD, Florien, Louisiana
18 articles 0 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing is stronger than gentleness, and nothing is so gentle as real strength.

dude, that was like the most awesomest thing ive ever read!!!!! it was epic and i loved it

on Jan. 22 2010 at 2:54 am
lostdreams BRONZE, La Mesa, California
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
You don't love someone because of their beauty. You love them because they sing a song only you can understand.

epic GENIUS! Loved it from start to finish.

on Jan. 22 2010 at 2:52 am
lostdreams BRONZE, La Mesa, California
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
You don't love someone because of their beauty. You love them because they sing a song only you can understand.

Oh definately. I swear to you, just look at what's her face in the movie and stephanie meyer. They look pretty much the same. It's insane.

Danica Rose said...
on Jan. 21 2010 at 2:28 pm
Danica Rose, Fairfield, Connecticut
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
Lol, that made my day xD

on Jan. 21 2010 at 11:05 am
jordan<3 BRONZE, Trout Run, Pennsylvania
2 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And the mockingbird told me, I change with the seasons and so she was leaving town in a few days now." - chase coy<3



on Jan. 19 2010 at 9:35 am
LOL!! That made me cry! \m/>.<\m/ You have to write another one of these! It's histerical!

on Jan. 15 2010 at 10:26 pm
KellyBelle BRONZE, Frankfort, Kentucky
1 article 3 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"I'm here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. Unfortunately, I'm all out of bubblegum."
"Look down at your chest a little to the left, that's where I'll always be."
"Never give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about."

Fabulous. Simply Fabulous.

on Jan. 15 2010 at 8:16 pm
Kaitbryn PLATINUM, Cushing, Oklahoma
23 articles 25 photos 65 comments

Favorite Quote:
In economics, hope and faith coexist with great scientific pretension and also a deep desire for respectability. -- John Kenneth Galbraith

Very soon we must all face the decision between what is easy and what is right. -- Albus Dumbledore

Ok, so I am a twi hard fan, but this is seriously hilarious!!

aquagal said...
on Jan. 15 2010 at 7:04 pm
aquagal, Anominis, Indiana
0 articles 0 photos 8 comments
This is so funny I really like the Voltie part in the book though.