The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes | Teen Ink

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.


[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.

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This article has 1967 comments.


Emi3ly SILVER said...
on Jan. 13 2010 at 4:59 pm
Emi3ly SILVER, Park City, Utah
6 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
Oooh. DRAMA! Let's get popcorn.

Dudez! Go to the very bottom and see the add for Breaking Dawn!

Emi3ly SILVER said...
on Jan. 13 2010 at 4:57 pm
Emi3ly SILVER, Park City, Utah
6 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
Oooh. DRAMA! Let's get popcorn.

Hi! Whats up felllow peps?

Emi3ly SILVER said...
on Jan. 12 2010 at 11:10 pm
Emi3ly SILVER, Park City, Utah
6 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
Oooh. DRAMA! Let's get popcorn.

I know! Im a huge Twilight fan and I just laughed and laughed at that!!

eadams BRONZE said...
on Jan. 12 2010 at 9:50 am
eadams BRONZE, Setauket, New York
3 articles 0 photos 1 comment
spot on! oh, mean, that was good! the Volturi or whatever thing was so disappointing too! I think Meyer just wrote herself with a "hot" vampire, changed her name in the script, and then realized "oh shi--- I need an antagonist!"

mgs_92 said...
on Jan. 11 2010 at 10:50 pm
OMG!!! This is seriously the best thing I have ever read.

on Jan. 10 2010 at 5:34 pm
the_Horsegirl SILVER, Minneapolis, Minnesota
8 articles 0 photos 118 comments

Favorite Quote:
People need dreams, there's as much nourishment in 'em as food.
--Dorothy Gilman

If there is such a thing as truth, it is as intricate and hidden as a crown of feathers.
--Isaac Bashevis Singer

That was hillarious! Though I've only read the first Twilight book, this seems more or less to sum up Stephanie Meyer's writing.

JHale_44 GOLD said...
on Jan. 10 2010 at 2:58 pm
JHale_44 GOLD, Roseville, Michigan
18 articles 0 photos 44 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Love is a mystery, and a lot of mysteries dont get sloved."

- Ivory Tears

So true. Great job.

maki:p GOLD said...
on Jan. 10 2010 at 1:49 pm
maki:p GOLD, Rocklin, California
17 articles 1 photo 47 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The only journey is the one within" and "You can't help anyone who doesn't want to be helped."

Totally acurate. Lol. I loved it.

on Jan. 10 2010 at 11:46 am
Taylor123 SILVER, Vassar, Michigan
6 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
everything happens for a reason

omg that was so funny i love twilight and i still thought it was funny ur a flat out genuis :)

on Jan. 9 2010 at 7:16 pm
...PensiveGurl... PLATINUM, Aurora, Colorado
20 articles 0 photos 267 comments

Favorite Quote:
You get ideas from daydreaming. You get ideas from being bored. You get ideas all the time. The only difference between writers and other people is we notice when we're doing it- Neil Gaiman.
Who are you to be who you are?-Le'Na Pernell

AWESOME!!!!!!!!!! >.<

on Jan. 9 2010 at 6:51 pm
biggerinfinities SILVER, Superior, Colorado
7 articles 0 photos 353 comments

Favorite Quote:
“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha~ that is absolutly hilarious! best thing ever!

on Jan. 8 2010 at 5:06 pm
ajibike PLATINUM, Monroe, Louisiana
27 articles 0 photos 41 comments
That's the funniest thing I have read in a while. Nice job. =)

on Jan. 8 2010 at 2:55 pm
MarinaNicole SILVER, Vancouver, Washington
7 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Turn and face the strange" - David Bowie
"Your Christians are so unlike your Christ" - Gandhi

Wow, that is so funny. My math class listened to "So Happy Together" this morning! :)

on Jan. 8 2010 at 1:22 pm
yumichris BRONZE, West Palm Beach, Florida
1 article 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else.
Will Rogers (1879 - 1935), Illiterate Digest (1924)

i think you are amazing! i laughed so did my friend. i love you, you made my day...

on Jan. 8 2010 at 11:49 am
The whole class read this together and we all ROTFL. :D

on Jan. 8 2010 at 9:16 am
ManekiNeko SILVER, Cincinnati, Ohio
8 articles 1 photo 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and prove it to be true."

EPIC. WIN. YOU. ARE. A. GENIUS.

on Jan. 7 2010 at 7:03 pm
gymnast.emily7 BRONZE, Nashua, New Hampshire
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment
This was sooo funny! My sister and I were laughing so hard. It was great!

on Jan. 7 2010 at 1:23 pm
L_Carshell BRONZE, Jackson, Michigan
3 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
The true defintion of yourself is never finished. -L_Carshell

This. Was. Epic. I don't even like Twilight, and this has made my day entirely. Thank you.

on Jan. 7 2010 at 11:16 am
awesomecutie714 BRONZE, Fairfield, Connecticut
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
this was sooo funny im still laughing hahahaha

on Jan. 3 2010 at 3:41 pm
kiwi12 PLATINUM, Austin, Texas
28 articles 10 photos 365 comments
this made me laugh, even though i havent seen the movies or read the books.

I think it will amuse me forever!