The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes | Teen Ink

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.


[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.

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This article has 1967 comments.


esist SILVER said...
on Jan. 3 2010 at 12:18 am
esist SILVER, North Richland Hills, Texas
6 articles 0 photos 24 comments
That's was amazing...I just love people who do this kind of stuff to get back at the craziness Twilight set off.

-Claps-

Hay.467 SILVER said...
on Dec. 30 2009 at 5:47 pm
Hay.467 SILVER, Hide-a-way, Texas
6 articles 0 photos 33 comments

Favorite Quote:
"a man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar" mark twain

That's so totally hilarious!!! I can't stop laughing!

on Dec. 30 2009 at 12:00 pm
LoveLikeWoe DIAMOND, LeSueur, MN, Minnesota
54 articles 2 photos 748 comments

Favorite Quote:
Whoever laughs first has the sickest mind.

hahaha!! i love twilight but this was really funny!! :D great job!! :D

roczyyy said...
on Dec. 28 2009 at 4:07 pm
I read tha book twilight saga now mon and it's totally different by movie.I think you shoud to read tha book necessarily.Good luck!

on Dec. 28 2009 at 8:24 am
IsobelFree DIAMOND, Hamilton, Other
71 articles 20 photos 296 comments

Favorite Quote:
"As long as there is open road, the familiar has the most formidable competitor." - Anonymous

lmao I'm laughing so hard right now. I liked the books, but I am NOT a Twilighter and I do do my fair share of fun-poking at Twilight....this was hilarious. Five stars as well! :D

on Dec. 27 2009 at 11:56 am
Moonlight BRONZE, Heiskell, Tennessee
4 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The boundaries which divide life from death
are at best shadowy and vague.
Who shall say where one ends,
and the other begins?"
Edgar Allan Poe

Lol! I'm not a Twi-hard, but I did sorta enjoy the books. Bella is so whiny, it's annoying. You really captured her in this little paraody. 5 stars!

on Dec. 26 2009 at 6:30 pm
literaryaddict PLATINUM, Albuquerque, New Mexico
23 articles 3 photos 157 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We're almost there and no where near it. All that matters is that we're going." Lorelai Gilmore, Gilmore Girls
"The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound." Lady Bracknell, The Importance of Being Earnest, Oscar Wilde

wow this was hilarious!!! i loved it!!

on Dec. 26 2009 at 2:12 pm
Writer24 SILVER, Acton, Massachusetts
5 articles 0 photos 41 comments
This is a good 5 minute screen adaption. You should make it into a movie and post a link here!

on Dec. 23 2009 at 11:19 pm
NorthernWriter, Fargo, North Dakota
0 articles 0 photos 326 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Only dead fish swim with the stream"

TOTALLY. MAKE IT INTO A MOVIE FOR YOUTUBE! have you seen the shortened romeo and juliet play?? you should! you would love it!

DaliaB. said...
on Dec. 23 2009 at 4:55 pm
DaliaB., Rochester Hills, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments
Ha!

This was epic!

If this was made into a movie on Youtube I bet it would get 1,000,000+ views.

on Dec. 22 2009 at 8:59 pm
truelove4ever222 SILVER, Crosby, Texas
8 articles 2 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
Daughters of jerusalem, I charge you by the does and gazelles of the field; Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. -Song of Songs 2:7

Epically amazing. I was doubtful at first but that brightened my day. Good work, buddy! :P

Amour3 BRONZE said...
on Dec. 22 2009 at 7:02 pm
Amour3 BRONZE, Cypress, Texas
3 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never give up."

Awesome!!!! It's hilarious and i loved it. Great job. ^^

on Dec. 22 2009 at 4:36 pm
Praefiscine SILVER, Snohomish, Washington
6 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
“A grownup is a child with layers on.”
-Woody Harrelson

Argh, my darned mouse accidentally clicked the fourth star instead of the fifth! This is quite hilarious, and it truly does wrap Twilight's plot up into a few lines. Bravo. ;D

Erperderp said...
on Dec. 22 2009 at 9:24 am
Erperderp, Bangor, Maine
0 articles 0 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
EAT THE STUPID COOKIE!!!!

I JUST WANT TO KEEP READING OVER AND OVER

on Dec. 21 2009 at 10:54 pm
pandaLICIOUS SILVER, Portland, Oregon
8 articles 0 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
“For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.” -Audrey Hepburn

LOVE THIS!

on Dec. 21 2009 at 3:13 pm
me,iwritetwistedromances SILVER, Louisville, Kentucky
7 articles 0 photos 7 comments
"Yes, but that was anti-climactic."

love it. XD

millz SILVER said...
on Dec. 19 2009 at 9:21 pm
millz SILVER, Memphis, Tennessee
8 articles 0 photos 19 comments
hahahahahahahahahah!!!! Best Twilight parody EVER!

JHale_44 GOLD said...
on Dec. 19 2009 at 5:04 pm
JHale_44 GOLD, Roseville, Michigan
18 articles 0 photos 44 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Love is a mystery, and a lot of mysteries dont get sloved."

- Ivory Tears

Haha so funny becasue so true!

on Dec. 19 2009 at 3:57 pm
SpiceyRedPepper GOLD, League City, Texas
11 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
Im not clumsy im just allergic to gravity!!!!

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL HILARIOUS! I LUVED IT!

Akio-san said...
on Dec. 19 2009 at 2:38 pm
LOVEED IT!! It made me LOLZ great i wanna see thi svertion of twillite now