The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes | Teen Ink

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.

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This article has 1967 comments.

on Dec. 18 2009 at 9:51 pm
Arluanna PLATINUM, Broken Arrow, Oklahoma
31 articles 2 photos 99 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Mwahahahahaha! Now you are mine, Lesley-Bird, finally, at last, in my... oh, drat, forgot it had wings...”

-Phil, the youngest Kalins Uzin

Oh my gosh, this is perfect! I was literally laughing out loud!

on Dec. 18 2009 at 9:01 pm
TheUnknownIsBliss GOLD, East Patchogue, New York
12 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
I would like to stay out of the box we call "normal".

I LOVEE it!!! I am a HUMUNGO Twilight fan, and that sounded exactly like something I would say. NO hate there. I sent the link to al my friends and i will make a video also and send it to you!! Byee!!!

Erperderp said...
on Dec. 17 2009 at 12:51 pm
Erperderp, Bangor, Maine
0 articles 0 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:

OMG THIS is so funny I LOVE TWILGHT BUT THIS IS PERFECT....... its so awsome!!!Q!

on Dec. 16 2009 at 9:41 pm
yoursunshinee59, Colleyville, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
LMAO! i LOVED it! I'm a huge Twilight fan, but I'm fine with parodies cause they just make my day! (no hate!) That was by-far hilarious, lol though I think you should put in the entire Volturi thing so it'd be Twilight in five minutes but still catchy!(:

Awesome job!

on Dec. 14 2009 at 7:07 pm
Hahaha! I luved this....Yeah....GO TAYLOR lAUTNER!!!

on Dec. 14 2009 at 6:57 pm
oh gosh! I am very very much anti-Twilight, thus, i loved this! and just so you all don't get the idea that i'm judging you for liking the books or movies, or you think i'm dissing without knowing anything about either, i've done my research. I have not and will not read or watch the Twilight books/movies.

Navygal said...
on Dec. 13 2009 at 1:07 pm
Navygal, Huntingdon Valley, Pennsylvania
0 articles 1 photo 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
Today you are you, that is truer than true, there is no one alive that is youer than you.

This was the best interpretation of Twilight yet!!! I couldn't stop laughing, because this is all so true. Keep up the great work!!

on Dec. 13 2009 at 2:48 am
Raven_Lilith_Jace GOLD, Boonville, Missouri
12 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I reject your reality and substitute me own!"

- Adam Savage "Mythbusters"

omigawd this is so hilarious! I love it!

on Dec. 12 2009 at 12:16 pm
forgottenpenname GOLD, Troy, Michigan
12 articles 0 photos 147 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Carpe diem."

*laughing head off* Oh my gosh! Just! *gasps for breath* HILARIOUS!!*

on Dec. 12 2009 at 9:26 am
ehh, i think ERGrey is right. there isnt really a story line to the Twilight Saga accept for an old guy that looks 17 falls in love with a girl and they go through all this drama, but it gets annoying when you get around to the last book, ya no? ehh. but thats just my opinion

on Dec. 11 2009 at 1:32 pm
xEmmiiix BRONZE, East Meadow, New York
2 articles 0 photos 35 comments
Lol that was exactly what you said it would be.

bronte SILVER said...
on Dec. 10 2009 at 5:23 pm
bronte SILVER, Lake Oswego, Oregon
5 articles 0 photos 3 comments
Lol. Period.

Parasols said...
on Dec. 10 2009 at 2:18 pm
Parasols, Abilene, Texas
0 articles 1 photo 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Time is making fools of us again." - J.K. Rowling

This is hilarious! :D

I'm tempted to film this with my friends when I see them over winter break. x)

HollyFac said...
on Dec. 7 2009 at 8:30 pm
HollyFac, Bensalem, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments
I love the Twilight Saga, but this made me laugh very, very hard.


LaylaViolet said...
on Dec. 7 2009 at 11:52 am
I don't know why everyone hates on Twilight. It's not bad. Many of you are just too critical. This did make me laugh, totally hilarious because I can picture the actors. Yes, the series is easy to sum up, but it doesn't mean it's awful.

on Dec. 6 2009 at 6:24 pm
caitlin.calamity BRONZE, Houston, Texas
1 article 0 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change - this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress.
-Bruce Barton

AHHHHmazing. (: That's pretty much all there is to the books....

on Dec. 6 2009 at 4:30 pm
TheBoredGirl SILVER, Senoia, Georgia
7 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club."

At least I'm not the only one who sees how good this series really is. Very good, my friend, very good.

on Dec. 5 2009 at 3:59 pm
UncertainlyClear BRONZE, Haikou, Other
4 articles 1 photo 8 comments
haha hilarious!

kaleyj SILVER said...
on Dec. 4 2009 at 3:07 pm
kaleyj SILVER, East Lyme, Connecticut
5 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"In school, my teacher had us
write down what we wanted to
be when we grew up. I wrote
down "happy". She told me I
didn't understand the assignment.
I told her she didn't understand life."

you got that right :)

kaleyj SILVER said...
on Dec. 4 2009 at 3:06 pm
kaleyj SILVER, East Lyme, Connecticut
5 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"In school, my teacher had us
write down what we wanted to
be when we grew up. I wrote
down "happy". She told me I
didn't understand the assignment.
I told her she didn't understand life."

definately not. and when people compare it to harry potter?! pssht, they arent even in the same league.