All Nonfiction Bullying Books Academic Author Interviews Celebrity interviews College Articles College Essays Educator of the Year Heroes Interviews Memoir Personal Experience Sports Travel & CultureAll Opinions Bullying Current Events / Politics Discrimination Drugs / Alcohol / Smoking Entertainment / Celebrities Environment Love / Relationships Movies / Music / TV Pop Culture / Trends School / College Social Issues / Civics Spirituality / Religion Sports / Hobbies
- Summer Guide
- College Guide
- Author Interviews
- Celebrity interviews
- College Articles
- College Essays
- Educator of the Year
- Personal Experience
- Travel & Culture
- Current Events / Politics
- Drugs / Alcohol / Smoking
- Entertainment / Celebrities
- Love / Relationships
- Movies / Music / TV
- Pop Culture / Trends
- School / College
- Social Issues / Civics
- Spirituality / Religion
- Sports / Hobbies
- Community Service
- Letters to the Editor
- Pride & Prejudice
- What Matters
A twilight remix
*ahem* aaaaaaand ACTION!!
Bella: Hey people. What's up? The name's Bell and i just moved to Forks. Things are boring but there's this really hot mysterious guy who stares at me so creepily.
Me: blah, blah, blah
Bell: HEY!! YOUR NOT IN THE PRODUCTION!!
Me: Oh yeah?! Well I'M IN IT RIGHT NOW so HA!!
Bella: Ugh, whatever. Either way i have the strangest notion that we'll have a powerful love story that will involve vampires, a big battle with newborns, a volturi, and a werewolf-vampire dispute. Maybe i had too much coffee this morning................
Edward *comes out from behind the set*: Hey baby. The name's Eddie
Bella *gets all shy and giggles*: Hi Eddie
Me: *yawn* I'm hungry for some meatloaf. Yeaaaaaaah
*lovebirds staring so creepily into each other's eyes they ignore me*
Eddie: Oh yeah and btw I'm a vampire
Bella: NO WAY!! *whispers to the audience* HOT!!
Me: *rolls eyes*
Eddie: *looks at me puzzled* Um, what's she doing in the production?
Me: Oh just go back to drooling all over each other i created this story!! Stephanie Meyers created your characters but i created your parody on teenink!!
Bella: Anyway.........I LOVE YOU EDWARD
Edward: I LOVE YOU!! I'D DIE FOR YOU *cough* literally *cough*
Me: sighs in disappointment
*Victoria and James come out from behind the set*
James: hey, i smell some fresh meat *kisses Bella's hand* why, hellooo
Victoria: Oh sweetheart don't be greedy. Pass the salt shaker........then pass the human named Bella who will eventually turn into a vampire and fall madly in love with a Cullen. I'm hungry
Me *whispers to them* your supposed to be scary vampires
James *whispers* oh yeah *in normal voice* your blood smells so tasty tonight.
Vicky: Dior perfume smelling blood anyone?
James: coming right up
Eddie: GET AWAY FROM MY GIRL *punches James with a grunt*
*James falls dead*
*Victoria, terrified, runs off to the woods*
Me: Ouch! That's gotta hurt
New moon screening *ahem* time for things to go from sweet to spicy. Will there be a werewolf named Jacob who takes his shirt off? Why am i asking that? The New moon commercial gives it away.
Bella: hey!! it's my birthday!! I'm officially a year older then you!!
Eddie: Congratulations. Here's a kiss, a party at my place ruined by my ravenous vamp family, and as candles on top of the cake, i got news
Bella: What is it, my love?
Me: He's going away for a while. He's sorry. He leaves now in the middle of the woods, and then you sleep on the woody ground, so depressed. oops. Did i just give it away? :)
Bella: Why yes, yes you did. Now SHUT UP
Eddie: Yeah, what she said.
Bella: NOOOOOOOOOOO!! This is the end!!
Me: No, the end is 2012
Bella *glares at me*
Me: touchy, touchy
November, December.........ok, lets skip the credits. Fast forward to the good parts
Bella: i have no choice now, but to turn to my rebound. Oh Jaaaaaaacoooooooob
*Jacob comes out, looking hot and fine*
Me: *gapes* He's your REBOUND?! THIS GUY IS HOT!! HE SHOULD BE CHOICE #1!! *i drool in his presence*
Jacob *turns to me* What'd you just say?
Me: NOTHING. i mean, i was talking about the weather and the scenery. It's really HOT today and the scenery is GORGEOUS. Gorgeous like a WEREWOLF with his SHIRT OFF. Yeah, that kind of gorgeous.......
Jacob: Yeah, whatever. Hey babe. i mean, Bella, not babe. Sorry, i get mixed up. It's easy too, when a girl hot like you comes around. *Gives Bella a flirty smile*
Me *fanning myself with my hands cause this guy is making me melt*
Bella: What are you talking about? I'm not Hot, I'm always cold. Here, feel my hand *places hand on Jake's arm*
Bell *pulls back*: Youch! My hand's burning!! Your hotter then a stove!!
me *all dreamy*: Yes he is..........i should stop talking now
Bella: Oh, NOW you notice?!
Jake: Come on Bella, my babe, while your precious Eddie's gone, let me take you for a ride, on the wild side
Bella: Does that involve teaching me how to ride a motorcycle, which will turn disastrous and in which I'll still do it anyway out of insanity to feel an adrenaline rush so i can hear a vampire named Eddie in my head? Lessons that'll get us in trouble, and I'll be so depressed I'm drown myself to hear Ed, only to have you rescue me?
Me: Oh, and you say I spoil the story. But yeah, that does happen later on...................
Bella: I'M IN!!!!
Jake: YEAH BABY!! LET's MOVE!!
Me: Hey Jake, Jacob..........if Bella doesn't work out........there's a gal right here who likes fur over fangs unlike Miss Swan right here........Just saying
Bella: So you in love with me or not?
Jake: Well, yeah.
*James friend i forgot the name of pops out*: Hello mouth watering delectable dessert. i got a fork right here, and on the plate tonight is the specialty devastated human girl from Forks dish. You killed me friend, his girlfriend wants revenge.......and as for me........eh, i don't care about that. I'm just hungry for a hotdog, but I'm not talking about beef. Mua ha ha ha. Prepare for me to finish you off.
Jacob: are all vampires this weird?
Me *elbows guy*: Vampires drink BLOOD NOT FLESH. AND THEY DON'T DO IT WITH A FORK Even if this is the town of Forks.
Guy *whispers* Oh right. *takes out straw* I'll sip your blood, until you are DRAINED!! HAHA
Bella: Nah, I'm not feeling it
Jacob: Yeah Bella. Dracula's gonna 'sip your blood' *laughs*
Me: Ooh, burn!!
Guy: Hey, NOBODY makes fun of a vampire!! Prepare for death!! *attacks Jake*
Jake *rips his shirt off to show his sexy abs for a minute in time when i stare at his shirtless body wide eyed and drooling so much slobber comes out of my mouth. Then he turns into a werewolf and kills guy with one kick*
Jake: Oh yeah and did i mention I'm a werewolf?
Me: REALLY?! AFTER I MENTIONED IT A MILLION TIMES?!
Bella *shrugs*: i was busy missing Eddie
Jacob: oh yeah i heard he thought you were dead and went to Italy to kill himself. Just a rumor.
Bella: WHAT?!!!!!!!! *runs off to Italy*
me *smiles coyly*: So....... it's just you and me.............
Jake: DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT
Me: Hey, it was worth a shot *i catch up with Bella in Italy*
*Edward's got his shirt off*
Me *covering my eyes*: Oh God!! I Can't see this!! Oh boy!! Yuck!!
Bella *throws herself into Eddie's arms*: I'M ALIVE!!
Eddie: Ok, I'm neva leaving you again. EVER. Now let's escape the dangerous Volturi and catch a ride outta here. WOO HOO!!
Bella *all girly* It's a happy ending after all
*They have a HUGE all over each other kiss*
Me: *groan* and i didn't even get the werewolf
THE END, CUT