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Red Riding Hood: How It REALLY Went
I’m not a bad guy – er – wolf. I mean, sure I eat little furry woodland animals, but people? Absolutely not! Humans are hard to digest and besides, they make you have really bad breath. But no, no one wanted to listen to me after the whole Red Riding Hood incident. Everyone believes a human teenager over a “vicious” wolf any day. Well, while you’re here, you mind listening to my side of the story?
Well, it was a beautiful day, a Saturday I think it was. I was out with my friends wrestling in the woods when suddenly, the scent hit me. Is that fresh-baked dark chocolate toffee chip cookies I smell? And… oh! That smells like warm apple cider! I thought, taking a deep whiff of the air. My friends exchanged looks, and I simply shook my head.
“Uhh, I’ll see you later guys,” I said, waving my paw goodbye. They shrugged and said goodbye, and I walked off, nose high in the air, following that delicious smell. As I got closer, my suspicions were confirmed. Nearing the edge of the path, the scent got much stronger, and I could hear a male’s voice singing. I poked my head out of the brush, and there, walking along the pathway, was Red Riding Hood.
Red was a troublesome kid, always getting into fights at school and playing pranks on poor innocents. However, he always loved to go to his grandmother’s house to visit. (Red was a confusing kid.) Usually, he would take his ATV down the path, but today, he was walking. Cautiously, I approached the youth, praying he would be in a relatively good mood today for the sake of my life.
I walked up beside the teenager and took a look at him. Red was probably the only boy I had ever met who dressed the way he did. Red wore skin tight jeans with lots of chains, Doc Martin boots with lots of straps, band t-shirts for bands that people and animals like me had never heard of, and his infamous black trench coat with the dark red hood. He also wore his hair in a strange way, long in the front and short and spiky in the back. Honestly, Red was the strangest kid I had ever met in my life.
“’Sup Wolf?” Red asked, pulling his Skullcandy headphones off his head and putting them around his neck. The boy appeared to be in a good mood, so I breathed a sigh of relief.
“Nothing much Red, what about you?”
“On my way to Grandma’s to deliver the stuff mom just made,” Red replied, patting his Count Dracula messenger bag. I took one more deep whiff of the air, letting the delicious smell fill my nostrils.
“Hmm, smells like dark chocolate toffee chip cookies and warm apple cider,” I said, looking at Red.
“Good call.” The boy’s tone changed suddenly, and I knew he was staring to get really irritated. I took this as my cue to leave, so I nodded my head, and receiving the same motion in reply, I left the boy on his own.
A little while later, I kept thinking about the delicious cookies Red was carrying with him to his grandmother, and I started craving those cookies and cider REALLY bad. Hmm, maybe I oughta go visit Grandma too; she might share some of those delicious cookies with little old me, I thought, figuring there was no harm in the idea. So on my way I went, off to visit Grandma.
When I got to Grandma’s house, I very politely knocked on the door. Noticing Red wasn’t there, I wondered what was taking him so long. When Grandma answered the door, I greeted her warmly and gave her a big hug, and she invited me in for a chat. Politely I accepted, and I followed her inside.
Grandma and I chatted, and I let her know that her favorite grandson was on his way with some delicacies, courtesy of his mother. Grandma left the room for a moment to go get something, and looking out the window, I saw Red coming over the hill. He saw me, and immediately pulled out his cell phone. Curiously, I watched as a sly grin crossed his sinister face. This worried me some, but I brushed it aside.
“Grandma, I’m here!” Red shouted, walking in through the unlocked door. Glancing over at me, he grinned viciously and simply said, “Wolf” to acknowledge my presence. He chuckled darkly, then left the room to go find his grandmother.
A few minutes later, there was a loud knock on the door. Not wanting to be rude, I got up and answered it. There in the doorway stood the biggest logger I had ever seen.
“Hello sir,” I said politely, sticking out my paw to shake.
“You b*****! You broke into Granny and Red’s house! You’re going to jail for this!” The man pulled out a police badge, and recited my rights as he put the handcuffs around my wrists. As he dragged me away, I saw Red smirking in the window at my demise.
So there it is. I’m innocent, you see? All I wanted was some cookies and hot cider, but no. Red had to frame me just so he could get his kicks and have something to really brag about. But hey, guess that’s the life of a fairy tale wolf, right?