𖤓The Dance☽ (trigger warning) | Teen Ink

𖤓The Dance☽ (trigger warning)

April 1, 2021
By SparrowSun ELITE, X, Vermont
SparrowSun ELITE, X, Vermont
161 articles 22 photos 933 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It Will Be Good." (complicated semi-spiritual emotional story.)
And the words I say most often: "Where was I?"
"I just switched 50 things to anonymus and it doesnt even make a diff- why was i writing this again? where was i? hm.... oh well."


Life follows a simple, dull pattern now. I wake up in the same dull place. I brush my teeth and hair in the same dull way. I dress in the same dull clothes. I don the same cheap, dull shoes. I go to the same dull job doing the same, dull things. Hardly a job at all. I get home with a few dull dollars from the work. I regret dropping out of the dull school in the dull town I was from. I make the same dull tasteless dinner. I go back to sleep in the same dull bed.

My life is a dance, but not a precise one. Not a beautiful one. A dull one, of poorness and sameness. Of regret. I thought as a girl that when i grew up i could do whatever i wanted, go wherever i wanted. I thought I could leave my dull home and live the exciting life that I wanted. I thought I would dance a path made of dreams and hopes, in diamond-studded gold shoes.

Now I work at a gas station in dirty once blue flip-flops, one broken. My house is hardly anything, and much too small for me. It has one door, a broken door. It has many drafts. Only 3 rooms, each barely big enough to fill its purpose. It's filled with trash because I don't know if something I threw away could be valuable enough to get more alcohol.

My dance, every day, is to survive. Try to get more food. Try to stay where I am, in shelter. Dreams are all I have, but they're worthless dreams. I can't get them. And someday I'll step on a broken bottle of alcohol I can't afford to get rid of and it will be infected. I won't be able to afford a hospital.

Then I'll die because I can't give up my enemy. Or my friend. And maybe when i die it will get better. Maybe I'll have more than smoke dreams and a vice cage. A vice cage keeping me from everything. I don't have a car, because every time I try to save money it goes into alcohol.

I'll show up to work drunk soon and lose my job. Then maybe I'll starve to death. Yet the alcohol has a silver tongue and I can't let it go. Soon I'll have to resort to gambling, and then I'll have another addiction to try and hide. It will drag me further, and maybe I'll starve to death because of the money lost. Sell everything I have to try and get a little bit more money, and spend it all on alcohol. Then I'll die.

Maybe then I’ll finally be happy. I don't care what's next when I die. With luck, nothing. I don't want to face God after the life I've led. But anything is better than here. Maybe people will say it's a tragedy. I'm only 26. I don't care. I don't care about anything anymore. Not surviving. Not my job. Not food. Not the dump I call a home. Just alcohol.

I hope they tell my story, a warning to others to avoid this path, where I have only dreams and dirty flip-flops. Maybe when I die I'll have diamond-studded gold shoes. Maybe I'll escape this shabby dance, for one of grace and perfection. A dance of dreams and joy. Maybe I'll just cease to exist. Maybe that would be better.


The author's comments:

dead beat realism. it's intended as a warning. to clarify, no, this isn't to do with me or anyone i know. actually, it's maybe a warning for one of my characters lol. also about the end i don't believe that. i know that there is a God and there is an afterlife. that was just the in character dead beat end


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This article has 5 comments.


on May. 20 at 6:07 pm
SparrowSun ELITE, X, Vermont
161 articles 22 photos 933 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It Will Be Good." (complicated semi-spiritual emotional story.)
And the words I say most often: "Where was I?"
"I just switched 50 things to anonymus and it doesnt even make a diff- why was i writing this again? where was i? hm.... oh well."

thanks, that sounds like the general response of my writing class

Lydiaq ELITE said...
on May. 20 at 2:04 pm
Lydiaq ELITE, Somonauk, Illinois
100 articles 28 photos 727 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A word is dead
When it is said
Some say.
I say
It just begins to live
That day."
--Emily Dickenson

I don't mean that in a bad way. This story is real insightful

Lydiaq ELITE said...
on May. 20 at 2:01 pm
Lydiaq ELITE, Somonauk, Illinois
100 articles 28 photos 727 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A word is dead
When it is said
Some say.
I say
It just begins to live
That day."
--Emily Dickenson

Dead realism

on Apr. 7 at 9:38 pm
CrystalMelody GOLD, X, Other
11 articles 1 photo 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
"um?"-me ;9

right?

on Apr. 7 at 9:27 pm
CrystalMelody GOLD, X, Other
11 articles 1 photo 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
"um?"-me ;9

to be clear it wasnt anything to do with April fools, that was just a coincidence(tho i almost put out an interwoven wolves post where everyone die and the world spontaniosly exploded because april fools)