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The Wait For Morning
I began to walk aimlessly along the road that opened up before me. I passed under street light after street light, each one creating a river of gold that seemed to puncture wholes as it flowed through the thick, black, night. I starred out into the distance. My warm sweater was no longer enough to protect me from the chills of night. My skin was icy, my hair cold and damp from the rain and I had to pull my arms around myself to fight for warmth.
I passed my street, stopped and looked to my phone; 12:00 . . . I wasn’t going home, not now. I would have to go home eventually of course. When I am ready I will crawl back through my window, go to sleep and everything would be better in the morning. Today was just a really unpleasant day.
I turned around only to see the swing I had been sitting on was still rocking back and forth. Its ear-piercing screech was about the only sound, that and the pitter-patter of rain and the rush of the occasional car. I was alone, alone and cold.
I always went for walks at night; gave me time to think about things and it seemed now a days I had a lot on my mind. I had been walking for about two hours now, and the freezing air was just too much to take. I stopped at a store, it was closed but I crawled into a corner by the main entrance and sat with my knees up to my chest. It wasn’t much warmer here, but it had to do.
A bunch of kids were across the street from me. I could hear them laughing and joking around. I starred at them wishing I could be laughing and joking around too. They seemed to be having so much fun; they wouldn’t want to spend time with such a downer as myself. Then again, it would be nothing new to pull out that mask, and fake a smile. Maybe they were all wearing masks. Maybe they weren’t actually happy, and they were all faking it. But never the less, they were with people and smiling, and I – I was alone and holding back tears.
After a while I noticed the group looking over at me. Why were they looking at me? They all appeared to be about two years older then I was, so having them watch me was a little intimidating. I looked away, trying to deflect the attention. Then one guy called out to me, “Hey you! Come over here!” I wasn’t sure what to do. Realizing life couldn’t get much worse I swallowed my fear, and walked over to a bunch of strangers.
“What are you doing out here by yourself Hun?” a girl asked.
“Just walking around I guess…” I mumbled.
They were all looking at me, their eyes piercing mine. Not going to lie, I was pretty scared, pretty nervous. I was also tired, hungry and cold. I wanted to go home.
“By yourself?” another girl questioned. “Must be bored. Wanna chill with us for a bit?”
They started walking, so I followed them. They were all talking about things I didn’t understand, about people I didn’t know, laughing at jokes I didn’t feel apart of. I didn’t say anything, didn’t join in their conversations, and they didn’t try to include me. I felt quite left out, and I could tell I didn’t belong with these people. But in a way, it was good since I didn’t feel like talking anyways.
We walked for what seemed like forever, and I had no idea where I was. We all stopped at a house and everyone made their way up the steps and inside.
One guy looked at me and said, “My parents are out for the weekend, so we’re gonna chill here.”
“Okay.” I said feeling pretty stupid and shy.
He pulled out a cigarette and handed it to me. I’d never smoked before but I didn’t want to find out what would happen if I reused the offer, so I just said “Thanks.”, and took it from him.
Another guy put some beers out, and people grabbed them. I didn’t though but sure enough a girl handed me one.
I watched all the people, and copied what they were doing. This didn’t feel right to me. But I was beginning to have fun. I began talking more and laughing even.
“How old are you kid?” a guy asked.
“Thirteen” I answered.
“Really?” He said laughing, “Thought you were at least in high school. You ever been drunk before?”
“Yea, once or twice.”, I lied.
“Nice.” He said handing me a drink.
I nervously took a sip and it tasted pretty horrible but I kept drinking it.
People kept handing me drinks and I continued drinking them. One after another, my stomach felt warm now, and I began getting dizzy. I felt great though! I felt invincible. I was no longer scared too. We were all talking freely, laughing at stupid things that didn’t make sense. I was having a good time.
The time got later. I had another drink, and another and a few after that. I didn’t feel so great anymore. I felt sick. My head was pounding and my stomach had moved into my throat. I felt like I was going to puke. Everything was blurry and I couldn’t tell what was happening anymore. I really hated this. I wanted it to stop!
Some people were in the basement, some upstairs. I was on the couch. That one guy was beside me, laughing.
“How you feeling?” He asked.
I forgot how to answer, so I laughed too. I felt horrible and I didn’t know how to talk. Everything was spinning. I couldn’t see. I felt his lips touch mine and then his body over me.
“Your really pretty.” He said.
I wanted to push him off of me, but I couldn’t move my arms. I couldn’t move anything. I could barley see and I didn’t know up from down, left from right. My heart pounded against my chest and I was out of breath.
Warmth surrounded every part of me. Slowly my pants came undone, my shirt lifted up. What was happening? I tried to lift my head. It felt as though it was a thousand pounds. I tried to look around, but the room was spinning so fast. Strange sounds, strange thoughts. Lips on my lips, on my neck. Make it stop! Please make it stop! I want to go home. Why did I leave home?
And then, silence. It was over. I was alone. My stomach still hurt. I had to get out of here. Somehow I found the front door. I left the strange home, and the new people. I walked along the road until I couldn’t walk anymore. So I sat down, trying to make sense of everything.
I still felt the same, except now I was cold too. I was still tired as well. I lay down and closed my eyes so I didn’t have to look at the spinning world I created. But even with my eyes closed I was still dizzy. I gave in to the strong temptation and without thinking fell asleep, letting my mind drift into the darkness and my body to freeze in the night time air. I’m sure everything will be better in the morning.