The Truth About Love | Teen Ink

The Truth About Love

February 3, 2010
By Lauryn Payne BRONZE, Sellersburg, Indiana
Lauryn Payne BRONZE, Sellersburg, Indiana
4 articles 0 photos 4 comments

I always knew there would be a man in my life that would take my breath away. I just never imagined that it would be like this. I couldn’t see any colors anymore. Everything seemed like it was in black and white. My hearing had faded to where I could barely hear my own heart, and all other noise sounded muffled and twisted. I could taste blood in my mouth, probably from the first time he hit me, no doubt, but the times that followed only hurt worse.

When I regained some strength and consciousness, I looked into the very face that haunted my every thought- my boyfriend, Zach. Why I am still with him you ask? Well, it’s not too hard to see that he has complete power over me. Fear is the only emotion I can feel anymore, and sometimes I cannot even feel that- but rather, nothing at all. I constantly wonder how I got to this place and I can never come up with an answer that fits. I try and say that it was his charm that had me hooked, and other times I blame myself for falling for someone who I thought was a cute bad boy.
I was so right and wrong at the same time. He had chestnut brown hair and piercing blue eyes- the moment I saw him, I thought he could straight through me and right to my soul. He had the typical tattered black leather jacket, which I thought was a simple façade; his smile was alluring, and somehow melted my heart instantly. And when he spoke to me the first time, I swear I almost fainted. He was too beautiful for me to speak to! His voice was like honey, so smooth and sweet… how I wish that I could still think the same about him.

I looked into those same piercing eyes now and wondered where that boy had went. It wasn’t too long ago, was it? The pain was searing through my body now and all I could do was wince- my voice had evaded me. He grabbed my arm and twisted it again, pulled our faces close once again.
“Did I tell you that you could leave the house today? I don’t recall giving you permission. Well now. I guess you’re going to learn your lesson, one way or another!” He said it in his now normal voice which I was oh, fairly familiar with. Once loved, I now loathed him and myself as well, for not having had the courage to leave him so long ago like I should have. First it started as needing permission to go hang out with the girls, which I thought was odd but then I thought maybe he’s only a little more protective than most. Those beautiful blue eyes became cold and grey. I no longer looked to them for hope, but another h-word: hate.
Now into consciousness I nodded to him, praying that he wouldn’t hit me again and for once I got my wish. His eyes soon became soft and warm somehow and he offered me a hand up as if nothing had even happened. He gave that charming smile as always and in return I gave him a forced smile in courtesy. If I hadn’t, I know what would have happened next. I quickly made my way to the bathroom to clean up the mess of blood that had creeped down my face from my lips and my brow bone. As I pressed the wet cloth onto my skin, I looked into the mirror. And I was horrified.
I did not even look like myself anymore. My hair was a dingy brown, apart from the blonde bombshell I had once been. I had bags underneath my eyes, from either the tears I cried so many nights or the sleep I had lost on those nights because of him. My face was bruised and swollen, apart from the fresh wounds from a few minutes ago. I throw my hair up in a low ponytail so that I can put on my makeup next. I apply the concealer generously, covering up all that I can. I step over to the toilet and slide down my pants so that I can excrete the pee he just scared out of me: again. I realize now that my hands are shaking…
I reach for the bottle of pills I have in the cabinet prescribed to him for his back pain. This is it I thought. I’m finally going to finish this off and be in a better place. I look at the ceiling and think of my Father in heaven and close my eyes, dreaming of what it will be like. It has to be worth a shot, and certainly better than this hell I am living in. So I quickly down the bottle of pills, swallowing the water with every pill I intake. I sit on the floor and wait to hear his steps, wait for him to come yell at me again. But it doesn’t matter anymore, because soon I will not even notice that I have feet, rather my wings! I start to feel dizzy and my buzz kicks in- I am glad I don’t feel anything anymore. I would rather feel nothing than the pain I feel here. So I shiver once more, and my body goes limp, while my soul makes its way home- to heaven.

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