Perfect | Teen Ink

Perfect MAG

February 10, 2009
By Kelsey Hill BRONZE, State University, Arkansas
Kelsey Hill BRONZE, State University, Arkansas
2 articles 1 photo 1 comment

The eyeliner makes the dark circles less pronounced. The lip gloss hides the trembling. The ponytail conceals missing patches of hair. The Abercrombie sweater covers bruises. I might look at bit thinner, but everyone will ask about my new diet. My hair might not shine the way it used to, but the pink ribbon will distract curious eyes. One hour of preparation and I look like myself. One hour of preparation and no one will know. One hour out of 24. Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it – wasting a twenty-fourth of my day on a lie. But then I see my wispy hair and baggy eyes, and I have to do it.

Checking my makeup one last time, I push my sleeves up, though not past my elbows. I slip on a cute pair of flats – heels are too dangerous with shaky legs – and grab my Hollister bag. Padding downstairs, I inhale the scent of waffles and syrup.

“Morning, Mom,” I call.

“Morning, baby,” she chirps. “Did you sleep well?”

“Better than I have been.”

She sighs, and her eyes look a hundred years old for a minute. “Any improvement is good,” she says half-heartedly.

“Of course.”

“I made waffles.” Her offering.

“Thanks, Mom. Smells delicious.” My offering.

I sit at the table and she hands me a plate. The thought of all that food turns my stomach, but I force a smile and thank my mother again. She busies herself at the sink and fills the silence with chatter. When she turns around, she takes in the waffles still on my plate, only missing a few bites. I smile apologetically.

“I’m not very hungry this morning.”

“You’ll need your strength for this afternoon.” She bites her lip. She doesn’t like to bring it up over breakfast. I eat another bite.

“I packed your lunch.”

“I’m 18, Mom. I can pack my own lunch. You have more important things to do.”

She reaches for the paper sack. “But now I know you’ll have something to eat. And you need to eat, okay? You have to keep your strength up.”

Sighing, I take the bag. I know this peanut butter and jelly sandwich won’t be eaten, not any more than the one yesterday or the day before. And even if I do eat it, I’ll just throw it up later. Anything consumed after 11 ends up in a plastic basin at 4:07. It’s just the way it works.

“Hon, have you thought about what I said the other day?” she asks.

I shrug noncommittally.

“Sweetheart, you can’t hide this forever. Eventually you’re going to miss school and people will start asking questions.”

“Mom, I have two months left of high school. I can make it ’til then. I’m class president and probably valedictorian. I was voted ‘Most popular,’ ‘Most fun to be around,’ ‘Best smile,’ and ‘Most likely to succeed.’ I’m the girl who’s got it all together. People don’t want to know that the girl who’s got it all together, doesn’t have it all together. People don’t want to know that girl is dying!”

“Honey, don’t say that. You’re not dying.”

“Yes, I am. I have cancer. You heard Dr. Morrison. I have maybe a year left. But that means I can graduate and then never see those people again. I’ll die and they’ll feel sorry for me, but at least I won’t have to endure their pity.”

“But …,” she tries to interrupt.

“Mom, listen to me. I don’t want to be the girl everyone looks at and whispers, ‘Look at her. Poor thing, she has cancer.’ I can’t handle that. I want to be normal. Just for these last two months.”

“Okay,” she whispers. “Okay. Just remember, it’s okay if you don’t have it all together. Sometimes things just fall apart and there’s nothing we can do.”

“Thanks, Mom.” I grab my bag and lunch and kiss her on the cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” my mom replies. This exchange, once taken for granted, is now a vital part of every morning, every afternoon, every night. Three little words, followed by four more, have come to mean more than an entire conversation. They bridge all gaps and disagreements, because we both know there is now a finite number left.

Keys in hand, I open the door and blink in the early morning sun. My silver car waits in the driveway and as I walk toward it, I check my reflection in the tinted window. Perfect.

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This article has 833 comments.

DaniaZie GOLD said...
on Jan. 31 2016 at 3:45 am
DaniaZie GOLD, Shah Alam, Selangor, Other
10 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And remember one thing, the second day is always better than the first"
- Billie Joe Armstrong, Green Day

This is absolutely amazing! It's so beautiful. Keep up the good work!

CianaB GOLD said...
on Jan. 27 2016 at 6:15 pm
CianaB GOLD, Kennett Square, Pennsylvania
12 articles 0 photos 34 comments
This is one of the most touching stories I have ever read on Teen Ink. I absolutely love this. Please keep writing more pieces like this. I will love all of them.

on Jan. 10 2016 at 4:08 am
Sedgecomb BRONZE, Santa Barbara, California
4 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Lock up your libraries if you like; but there is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind.” -Virginia Woolf

Very beautiful! You deserve all the credit you've gotten with this. Nicely done!

on Nov. 13 2015 at 7:40 pm
jason.writes BRONZE, Macon, Georgia
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
Bitterness is like cancer; it eats and feeds upon the host until there is nothing left. Anger is like fire; it burns everything clean.

Beautiful, and it gave me a unique view point on something I had never thought if before,

on Nov. 6 2015 at 11:54 am
alaylanorthern BRONZE, Rosedale, Louisiana
1 article 0 photos 3 comments
this was the realest I have ever read because from the suspense, to the sadness, to the realness of the whole poem it was amazing. From the beginning to the end, it was well detailed and an amazing insight compared to someone’s life. “The eyeliner makes the dark circles less pronounced. The lip-gloss hides the trembling. The ponytail conceals missing patches of hair”.

markelly said...
on Nov. 5 2015 at 8:40 am
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments
The phrase “The eyeliner makes the dark circles less pronounced. The lip gloss hides the trembling.” is a heart fulfilling line and relate to me for various reasons. I too, a young teenage girl, wears make up to hide my flaws that no one else may see. I wear make up to make myself feel better knowing I’m not the happiest when I look in the mirror without it. Those lines are very touching to me because I understand how it feels to want to change your appearance and take more than an hour to do it.

markorea said...
on Oct. 30 2015 at 2:54 am
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
beautiful :)

on Oct. 27 2015 at 2:36 am
7 articles 0 photos 37 comments

KyraSapphire said...
on Oct. 18 2015 at 1:29 pm
KyraSapphire, Fort Worth, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 17 comments
9/10. This is an amazing story. You obviously put a lot of time and effort into i. I wish that I could write this well.

on Oct. 2 2015 at 8:09 am
LittleBitNerdy, Ulster, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations". ~John Green, The Fault in our Stars

This is beautiful.

on Aug. 30 2015 at 12:54 pm
SomeoneMagical PLATINUM, Durham, New Hampshire
22 articles 1 photo 259 comments
I only have one word to describe this : Amazing.

on Aug. 24 2015 at 2:37 pm
MidnightDrexm BRONZE, Switzerland, Other
2 articles 2 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
- It's better to fail in originality than to succeed in immitation.

That was beautiful. I loved the suspense, the sadness, the realness of it all, everything.

ajain18 BRONZE said...
on Aug. 18 2015 at 5:27 pm
ajain18 BRONZE, Shrewsbury, Massachusetts
3 articles 4 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. -Theodore Geisel

This piece is amazingly beautifully written. I was drawn in from the very beginning, and could not stop reading until I was done. It gives an amazing insight into someone's life, how despite any struggle, we all strive for perfection.

on Jul. 14 2015 at 3:18 am
writer8594 SILVER, Irving, Texas
7 articles 0 photos 15 comments
Love this!

on Jul. 1 2015 at 8:49 pm
meghan22 BRONZE, Fayetteville, Georgia
3 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touches; they must be felt by the heart"-Helen Keller.

I really enjoyed reading this! Amazing work!

on Jun. 28 2015 at 2:13 pm
audreylinhwrites BRONZE, Chapel Hill, North Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment
I think this is a very well written piece. It really caught me at the beginning which was very interesting. I loved the mellow suspense leading up to the reveal of her health situation.

on Jun. 25 2015 at 7:53 am
hockeygirl36 BRONZE, Huntingtown, Maryland
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"I kind of feel unworthy of that, and feel like a deeply flawed person who is undeserving of much admiration from other people." -Misha Collins

This is a very interesting piece of work. I love the character development, much better than my works.

BlueLee BRONZE said...
on Jun. 2 2015 at 4:15 pm
BlueLee BRONZE, Clinton, Utah
1 article 0 photos 3 comments
Sweet! This is an awesome piece! Thanks for sharing!

on Apr. 20 2015 at 1:59 pm
Really well written :)

HHughes said...
on Mar. 24 2015 at 10:01 am
Lovely piece. Read Chinoa Achebe's "things fall apart." I hope you are well.