The Secret | Teen Ink

The Secret

August 23, 2009
By Stephany Xu PLATINUM, Plano, Texas
Stephany Xu PLATINUM, Plano, Texas
33 articles 4 photos 1 comment

He passed her in the hall. Her, in her tiny skirt, her sweet smile, her bright eyes. Just passed her, as if she didn’t exist. He walked 2 inches next to her, so close she could feel his heat upon her, and he just looked the other way and busied himself talking to someone else. When she stood up in front of the class, she made eye contact with everyone; she was good at that—uninhibited, unintimidated, undaunted. But he wouldn’t even look up, just kept scribbling something on his paper. She wondered if he was hearing her, if he could possibly respect her for her intellect. Maybe he would be impressed. All this was wishful thinking, of course. Their relationship was nothing for the sort, it didn’t involved respect. That would have ruined their “arrangement”. And if that was ruined, then the delicate balance of benign neglect and silent admiration would have been dissevered and thus the end of “them” would be brought.
And on she went on, like some sad little puppy, indebted to a master that never knew her pain. And she bore it, the burdens that drifted into her dreams, both those awake and those asleep. She wanted him to proud of her; to hold her hand, to hold her heart, to stand out and not be ashamed. But he was, and she could never change that. She couldn’t change the fact she brought out the worst in him, that she made him angry, and that her disposition changed his disposition bitter and cynical. That she seemed to crawl under skin and prick every last nerve and he ranted and screamed, hurt her. He didn’t trust her with his secrets even when she was the secret.
It was hard to pick: to be nothing, or to be nothing worthwhile. A rock and a hard place. The better of two evils. On the nights she slept alone, she could hear her heart cracking at the thought of him. On the nights she lay with him, she still wondered if he could her heart cracking. But he never noticed that her eyes glistened a bit with unborn tears, or the ways her hands shook when he touched his face. And every time, she left unsatisfied, and perhaps even a bit more empty than she came.
She cherished her poetry, and above all her poetry for him. She cherished her pictures, and above all her pictures for him. However, above the poetry and the pictures, she cherished her love for him, but he disregarded with a certain brutality that bit into her soul and occupied her constantly. And as he saw that love, he took it and ripped it to tiny shreds and took her body and violated everything ethereal about her.

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This article has 36 comments.

on Aug. 16 2012 at 8:44 pm
cuckoo_for_cocoa_puffs SILVER, Superior, Colorado
5 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We are not Africans because we are born in Africa; we are Africans because Africa is born in us"- Chester Higgins Jr.

Wow. Just wow. That was absolutely beatiful and heartbreaking and haunting all at the same time. You illustrated perfectly the love that can't help but accompany the sorrow and grief that inhabits abusive relationships. I am thoroughly impressed. :)

on Jun. 11 2012 at 12:58 pm
AngelArrovvs SILVER, Randolph, Massachusetts
5 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
“As if I were going to die would be as if I were to live forever.Just beyond the dawn comes the day where love will prevail.”

That was awesome to read.It almost made me cry because just everything you wrote and how you wrote it...It seemed as if I were the girl in the story. Good Job on this keep writing

Ultim@te said...
on Jan. 9 2012 at 9:16 pm
Wow, love the wording, you are a gifted writer:)

on Jun. 25 2011 at 9:13 am
outsider SILVER, Amawalk, New York
7 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
The heart breaks and breaks and lives by breaking, it is nessesary to go through dark and deeper dark and not to turn
-the testing tree

wonderful it really showed the feelings of people in abusive relaionships if thats what you ment to do

fizza98 said...
on Jun. 25 2011 at 1:51 am
soooooooo nice!

arixx96 said...
on May. 26 2011 at 12:46 pm
arixx96, Roslyn, New York
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments
 wow. so powerful. beautifully written.

on Apr. 20 2011 at 10:19 pm
Mortie PLATINUM, Oak Run, California
31 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
Whats The Point?

amazing. its so cool how you were able to portray the details and feelings the way you did. 

on Mar. 23 2011 at 11:30 pm
heiwagirl SILVER, Enumclaw, Washington
6 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
You just have to live your life not careing what they think and just shake off the drama and prove to them that you are better than they think you are.

absolutly beautiful

ferosa45 said...
on Feb. 13 2011 at 7:59 pm
beautiful description. a master piece indeed. ur psychoanalysis is adroit. Its only unfair that such a girl would be emotionally bound inexorably to such an imbecilic and morally depraved boy.

tanaya BRONZE said...
on Feb. 11 2011 at 3:11 pm
tanaya BRONZE, Edison, New Jersey
4 articles 0 photos 21 comments



on Feb. 5 2011 at 3:07 pm
Pia_HainzCiavelli SILVER, St.James, Other
5 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
Such is liife :)

....dearie don't stress everything happens for ahh reason!

on Dec. 9 2010 at 9:26 pm
xBaByGiRrL22x PLATINUM, Pearl River, New York
22 articles 0 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The goal isn't to live forever, but create something that will."
"If you wanna go, baby let's go; if you wanna rock, I'm ready to roll.''
"No one ever said it'd be easy. They just said it'd be worth it." <3

awesomeee:) nd im suree everyone wud agree. this is so easy 2 relate 2 4 alot of ppl. love it!!

JatiaE. BRONZE said...
on Dec. 7 2010 at 5:14 pm
JatiaE. BRONZE, Hampton, Virginia
3 articles 0 photos 6 comments
No words for this , (=

Megi24 SILVER said...
on Oct. 5 2010 at 8:54 am
Megi24 SILVER, Ridgway, Pennsylvania
9 articles 0 photos 10 comments
This is absolutly amazing! I feel like i know everything about this relationship and you never had to come strait out and say it. Love it! And you put into words perfectly what im going through right now

on Oct. 4 2010 at 12:38 pm
this reminded me of my xbf i want him back so bad

on Jul. 30 2010 at 3:11 pm
FollowtheMochaRabbit GOLD, Miami, Florida
11 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?!

Amazing! Should be #1! The way you wrote this simply pulled at heartstrings and you'd be doing a huge disfavor if you stopped writing XD. Awesome job!

on Jun. 16 2010 at 11:16 pm
weebnini DIAMOND, San Diego, California
55 articles 3 photos 164 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Done & Over"

"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."

"People should be able to say how they feel. How they really feel. Not, you know, some words that some strangers put in their mouth."

this is sooo cool. i usually don't read stories like this with a lot of descriptions, but the way you wrote it made it both understandable AND relate able. you should continue it though, because i REALLY want to know what the hell is wrong with the guy XD



horsegirl678 said...
on Jun. 16 2010 at 7:45 pm
i loved it. i don't know why it wasn't voted number one, it's absolutely amazing

Reigyn said...
on May. 9 2010 at 7:23 pm
Reigyn, Toronto, Other
0 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Dance like no one is watching, love like you'll never be hurt,sing like no one is listening,and live like it's heaven on earth."- William Purkey
As we struggle to make sense of things, life looks on in repose. ~Author Unknown

i love the language and the mood of this piece. It's really good.

julia.s SILVER said...
on May. 3 2010 at 11:51 pm
julia.s SILVER, Blue Lake, California
7 articles 1 photo 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
a wise girl kisses but doesn't love. listens but does not belive.and leavvs before she is left.

~Marilyn Monroe

are they like "fun buddies" or something???