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EC+AM=4ever Chapter 23
June 17, 2009
When I'd gone to the hospital to see if Ash was still there, Nina had told me he wasn't. So I came to his house, in hopes of finding him. I took a deep breath as I approached the front door, feeling uneasy and nervous. What would Ash think of me if he knew that I was at fault for putting his mom into a coma? Would he hate me? Would he never want to see me again?
I rang the doorbell, but as soon as I did I knew that I shouldn't have. I couldn't do this. There was no way I could get myself to tell Ash the truth. Maybe I could run back to my house before he answered the door. Yeah, that would work. I turned on my heel, ready to take off, but then Ash opened up the door and it was too late.
"Evalynne? What are you doing here?" he asked.
"Uh..." I didn't know what to say. I was frozen in place, feeling like I was about to pass out.
"Who's that?" a voice called out from inside the house. A female voice.
I looked at Ash with questioning eyes. But he just stared at the ground in shame. Then a petite girl with dark hair that came down to her shoulders and green, cat-like eyes walked up. Her skin was tan and flawless. She was beautiful.
"Evalynne, this is Katrina. She was my girlfriend back in Florida. Her family came to New York to visit some of their relatives. Her mom contacted my mom ahead of time to get my address so that she could give me a surprise visit. We never officially broke up. But we're not exactly together anymore either." Ash informed me.
My hands felt clammy, my stomach churned, my head spun. "Am I missing some-thing here?" Katrina asked, confused by the expression on my face. "Who is this, Ash?"
"I was his girlfriend." I told her, my voice sounding strange and far away.
"Evalynne, I'm sorry. It's not my fault though. Like I said, we're not together or anything. She just got here about five minutes ago. She heard about my mom on the news and came to visit me." Ash apologized.
"You could have at least told me you still had a girlfriend back in Florida before proposing to me." I riposted.
"You proposed to her?" Katrina demanded.
"Yes, because I love her." Ash replied softly. "And the only reason I didn't tell you about Katrina is because I didn't feel she was important anymore."
Katrina's mouth dropped open, appalled by his statement. "Excuse me?"
"I'm sorry, but things are over between us. And you just have to accept that." Ash stated with closure.
"But I can't! I thought that you still loved me, Ash! Don't you remember when you told me that you loved me for the first time? You even carved our names into a tree. KE+AM=4ever. Don't you remember?"
My heart all but stopped. Tears blurred my vision as I looked up at him. His face clouded over with remorse. "Evalynne, you've got to understand..." he cried.
But I just shook my head, "I do understand. I understand everything. You don't really love me. And I know that now. I came over here to apologize, to give you another chance. But now I see what you really are. You're a player, a liar. You act like you're some sweet, honest, charming, trustworthy guy. But that's all it is, an act. But there's just one thing I don't understand. Why? Why did you try so hard to be with me if you never really loved me?"
"Because I do love you! I will admit that at first, I was just a player. I didn't really love you. But soon, I felt something that I'd never felt before with any other girl. And I realized that for the first time in my life, I really did love someone. And that someone is you." The look in his eyes told me that he wasn't lying. He really did love me.
"Yeah, well it's too late now. When you live your life lying, nothing turns out the way you planned. And I think that now, you finally realize that." Then I turned around and walked over to my house, keeping my head held high, not letting Ash get the best of me.
But once I was in the privacy of my own home, I cried.
Ash was a fake. I was in love with something that wasn't real. I wondered what other lies he had told me. But the worst part about all of this, was that I had believed everything he said. I trusted him, I loved him. I was willing to marry him.
He had played me for a fool. And I was a fool. However, I didn’t miss him. I missed who I thought he was.
But I was happy that he loved me. Because now he would know what it was like to lose the one that you loved. He would feel my pain, suffer my loss. Except he would have to go through it without any parents to help guide him through. And no matter how horrible he was, nobody deserved that.
But he did deserve to know the truth. I couldn't keep it bottled up forever. But I couldn't stand to even look at him at the moment. How would I be able to speak to him. And what would happen if I did tell him?
He would tell the police for sure. I knew that for a fact. He would hate me, maybe even more than I hated him right now. Could I really risk being reported to the cops, being put into jail?
I could just picture myself sitting in a dark, frigid jail cell all alone, wearing one of those tacky orange jumpsuits. I just couldn't put myself through that. And telling Ash the truth would mean Ash telling the cops the truth. And that would mean...me in jail.
No, I definitely couldn't tell Ash. Even if I wanted to, I just couldn't. But then again, it was the right thing to do. But sometimes doing the right thing for someone else wasn't the right thing for you.
So this time, I would just have to do the wrong thing and let my conscious punish me for it with guilt.