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EC+AM=4ever Chapter 25
June 19, 2009
I couldn't believe what I'd chosen to do. When I told Kristy, she got irritated with me and tried to convince me not to do it. But she promised that she wouldn't do anything to interfere with my choice.
So instead of telling Ash, I decided to keep it to myself. After thinking of all the different possibilities that could occur if I told Ash, I didn't feel like I could tell him. Yeah, he deserved to know. Just not yet. Not until I was ready.
And yes, I know what a wimp I'm being, but that's a really difficult decision to make. And by telling Ash the truth, I could either be faced with jail or be stuck with the guy who broke my heart. Neither of those two things seemed very pleasant.
So I took the easy way out. Maybe once I worked up enough courage, I would tell him. But I wasn't ready for that at the moment. After splitting up with Ash, trying to kill myself, and getting kicked out of my own house, I really just wanted my life to settle down. For everything to go back to normal. I didn't want to start anymore drama.
My phone buzzed on my bedside table and I answered it without even thinking to look at the caller I.D. to see who it was. "Hello," I said.
"Evalynne, we need to talk." It was Ash.
"There's nothing for us to talk about." I replied evenly.
"Yes, there is. Katrina is nothing to me. But you, you're my everything. I really, truly love you. Can't you see that, Evalynne? If I didn't love you, would I be trying to get you back right now?"
I didn't answer him.
"That's what I thought." he remarked a bit smugly. "Please, Evalynne, just hear me out. You loved me before you knew about Katrina, right?"
"Yes." I stated softly.
"Then give me another chance."
I could hear the desperation in his voice, feel the pain he was going through. And I was about to tell him that he could have another chance. I was about to give in to his pleading. But then I remembered everything he'd put me through.
All the pain and sorrow he'd caused for me. I'd fallen in love with him, thinking that he was the perfect guy. But as our relationship got deeper and deeper, more and more lies were exposed. By now, all I wanted was for it all to go away, to just end.
"No." Then I hung up the phone, staring at it for a moment, wondering if I'd made the right choice.
Even though Ash had broken my heart, he'd also been there for me when I needed him. He'd loved me. He'd proposed to me. And I knew that he still did love me. And deep down, I still loved him too. But I couldn't give him another chance, because if I did, I'd just put myself through the same experience.
There would be even more broken hearts and break-ups to come. And I just couldn't handle that. If only Katrina hadn't come back to him. Then I never would have known about her, never would have officially ended things with Ash. But it was probably better off this way. Maybe this was meant to happen. Maybe Ash and I really weren't meant to be together. Or maybe I just had the most suckish love life ever.
But no matter what the reason, it still happened. And I couldn't go back and fix things now. But the breaking up part wasn't as bad as the aftermath of it all. I'd never felt so betrayed. It seemed like everything I once knew just vanished into thin air. Like magic.
There was just one thing I couldn't stop thinking about though. If Ash wasn't the right guy for me, then who? Would I be this lonely forever? Or would I find someone who I loved, who loved me? Someone that I could trust, someone who didn't keep secrets from me. Someone who was honest.
Mom always used to say to me that Mr. Right is out there, in fact, he might even be right in front of you. That's how it had worked with her and Dad.
In high school, Mom was always looking for the right guy to be with. A guy who was handsome, sweet, funny, smart. Dad always had a crush on her, and she knew it, but never really acknowledged him. Until one day, towards the end of their senior year, he finally got the nerve to ask her out. She said yes out of pity and they ended up falling in love and getting married.
It was ironic really. Ironic and romantic. I wished my Mr. Right would come along and ask me out. If I even knew who that was. Maybe I didn't have one. Maybe I was meant to be lonely for the rest of my life. Maybe Ash really was my Mr. Right, but I'd already blew things out of proportions.
I wasn't sure of any of these things. But I had the rest of the summer to try and figure them out. Hopefully I would come to a good, solid conclusion by the start of senior year. If not, I would just have to keep searching.
I stood up and walked downstairs to answer the door.
"Can I come in?" Kristy said when I answered the door.
"Sure," I stepped aside to let her in. Then we sat next to each other on my couch.
She opened her mouth as if she were about to say something, but then closed it right away. I wondered what she had to tell me.
"Kristy? Is there something you have to tell me?" I asked her, getting to the point.
"Um...you're not going to like this, but when I was walking over here, I saw...something."
"Could you be a little more specific?" I said.
She bit her lip, "I saw Ash and Katrina. They were kissing."
"What?" I demanded. "But he loves me still! He told me!"
"Well if you hate him so much, why do you care?" she asked smugly.
I crossed my arms, beginning to feel annoyed. "When did you turn in to such a jerk Kristy? Did some of Julianne and Kelly's rudeness rub off on you?"
She gasped, offended. "Well if that's how you feel, then maybe I should tell the police the truth about the accident." Then she stood up and walked out of the house.
"Wait!" I cried in desperation. "You're the only friend I have left!"
But she completely ignored me, slamming the door behind her.
I can't believe Kristy left me. I thought she still cared about me. I thought she was my friend after all. But I also that Ash was honest. And I was wrong about that too. Wow, it's a shock I get good grades in school, considering I'm a pretty stupid person.
What's wrong with me? Am I that much of a fool?
Yes. I am.
I closed my diary and put it away. Then I looked out my window. Ash's blinds were closed, but I could imagine him inside of his house, kissing Katrina. Talking about how stupid I was for falling for all of his lies.
Well I felt pretty stupid at the moment, considering I had fallen for his lies.
About an hour later, I walked downstairs to get something to eat. But as I reached into the pantry, I saw Katrina walk out of Ash's house. I ran outside just before Katrina approached her car. "Hi,” I said to her.
"Hi," she replied, sounding annoyed with me.
"I need to talk to you," I told her.
"Well make it quick. I don't really feel like speaking with you right now." she answered.
I just rolled my eyes. She didn't notice. "Well, I heard that you and Ash are back together." I replied.
"What? Where'd you hear that?"
"Wait, you aren't back together?" I asked.
"No," she remarked.
"That little liar! Oh, I hate her so much right now! Ugh, I can't believe this! Stupid Kristy! Stupid me!" I began screaming uncontrollably. Katrina was staring at me as if I were crazy.
"Um, I'm going to go now." she said, scoffing as she climbed into her car. She drove away and I turned to go back to my own house, but as I turned around, I saw that Ash was standing on his front porch.
"Jeez, what was that all about?" he asked me.
"Sorry, I need to go make a phone call." I said calmly. "But first..." I walked up to him. He looked confused as I approached him. Then I leaned in and kissed him. "I changed my mind. You can have another chance."
Then I walked back to my house to call Kristy. This time, I would be the one to end our friendship.