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EC+AM=4ever Chapter 20
June 16, 2009
Outside Ash's House
"What?" I demanded.
"I'm sorry Evalynne." he said softly.
I shook my head, tears coming to my eyes. "How could you not have told me sooner? How could you propose to me knowing that you'd have to leave me two days after the wedding?"
"Sorry, but I love you. And I knew that if I told you before I proposed, you'd have said no. So I just told you after."
I couldn't believe how selfish he was being. He didn't care about my feelings. He didn't care about how lonely I would be once he left. All he cared about was himself. He wanted to feel like he'd accomplished something before going off to the army. Probably so that he could brag about me while he was there.
"Sorry Ash, but now I'm not so sure we should get married at all. Because now I see how rude, unthoughtful, and selfish you can be. And I'm not willing to spend the rest of my life with that. How do I know there aren't any other things you're not telling me? How do I know that you're really in the army? For all I know, you could be going off to some other girl. I can't trust you anymore, Ash."
He shook his head, looking hurt. "How could you even begin to think that? I'm not cheating on you Evalynne! I'm sorry that I have a commitment to my country, but it's not always all about you. You say I'm selfish, but you're too conceited to even consider the fact that you're pretty darn selfish yourself."
I stood there, absolutely speechless. How could Ash say this to me? He had no right to speak to me that way! "Well if that's what you think, then you should have no problem taking this ring back." I said softly, slipping the wedding ring off of my finger and handing it to him.
He stared at it for a minute, as if at any moment I would just say sorry and put it back on my finger. But I wasn't about to give him that kind of satisfaction. He swiped the ring out of my hand hastily and tossed it into the pocket of his jeans.
"You have twenty minutes to pack up your stuff and leave. You are no longer living with me." I told him, just like how his mom did.
His eyes were cold and distant, and I didn't recognize him at that moment. He had changed within the last five minutes. He wasn't himself any more. "Fine." he stated glumly.
Then we both walked back to my house, not once looking at one another. When we got there he stormed upstairs to his guest room and I stood at the bottom of the stairs, waiting. But I wasn't crying. Not this time. Ash wouldn't get a single tear out of me tonight. Because if I did cry, he would know how hurt I really was.
Mom walked up to me with concern on her face, "What's the matter?" she asked.
"Nothing, but the wedding's off. Ash and I are no longer together." I stated.
A small smile flickered across her face, "I knew it. I could already see this coming. After dinner, your father was telling me how crazy I was for letting you two go off and get married. But I said that I didn't approve of it either and that if I told you no, you'd just get mad. So I acted all excited, knowing that it wouldn't work out. Sorry sweetie, but getting married at eighteen is truly one of the dumbest things a girl can do."
I stood there in shock, feeling completely betrayed. "I can't believe you." I finally said. "You always talk about how horrible Ms. Mongolia is, but now I realize that she was right all along. And you're the one who doesn't handle things the right way. You're a horrible mother!"
Her eyes widened, "Well if you think Ms. Mongolia is such a great mother, then why don't I start acting like her a bit more." she said softly. "Leave, this is not your house and you no longer live here." She smirked at me and crossed her arms.
That remark really stung. I knew that she wasn't actually going to kick me out, but at the moment, I was so angry that I wanted to leave. I was so furious with my mom for being so deceiving! "Ok, because guess what? I'd rather be living on the streets than be living with a rude, deceiving, uncaring, spiteful, immature witch like you." I snapped.
Her face stayed emotionless. "Well I pity myself for being the mother of a worthless disgrace like you."
We both stood there for a moment in silence. Then Ash came barreling down with his two suitcases. He looked from me to my mom and back again, realizing the tension between us.
"Ash, are you just going to stand there all day or are you going to leave like I told you to?" I asked him crossly.
Mom stared at me with fury in her eyes, "And Evalynne, are you just going to stand there all day or are you going to leave like I told you to?" she asked, mocking me.
Ash's eyebrows raised as he figured out what was going on. "I'll be going now." he said awkwardly, then he left.
"Yeah, me too." I murmured. "I just have to go pack up my stuff." So I turned around and stalked up the stairs, but the sound of my mom's voice stopped me.
"Evalynne, wait," she said. I stopped, feeling relieved. She had finally realized how horrible she was being and came to her senses. "You can only take the things that I didn't buy for you. But anything that I did buy you stays here. I paid for it, I keep it."
My stomach churned and I finally understood that she was serious about this. She was actually kicking me out. I felt lightheaded, but I fought to keep myself from passing out. I walked to my room and grabbed my backpack, going through all of my clothes and picking out the ones that Mom hadn't bought for me. That left me with twenty tops, eleven bottoms, and three pairs of shoes.
I decided to take my glasses instead of my contacts. I wouldn't need those anymore. I had no one to look special for. I left all of my make-up and jewelry there, grabbing all four books from the Twilight saga. Then I pulled my suitcase out form under my bed and began packing all of my clothes into it. I stuffed the ones that didn't fit into my backpack, along with my four thick books.
I also took my cell phone, iPod, digital camera, and mini DVD player, hoping that I could at least try to be happy with these few things. But who was I kidding? I had nowhere to go, no one to run to. The streets of New York were now my home.
I ambled down the stairs, straight past my mom who was arguing with my dad. They both stopped yelling to look over at me, but I never met their gaze. I marched right out of the house, looking straight ahead.
But once I shut the door behind me, I realized that I didn't know where to go. So I randomly began walking, not really having a destination or place to go. As I walked I felt strange, dizzy almost. Like I was watching myself as I strolled along the sidewalk. An out of body experience.
My entire body felt numb, but I just kept walking. I didn't even know where I was headed. My feet were just moving me along without me ever fathoming my surroundings.
Before I knew it, my feet stopped and I could see again. I could see where I was. I was at the park, standing in front of the tree. I was staring right at the carving from that night that Ash and I had snuck out. It seemed like that was such a long time ago, when it was only about two weeks ago.
I began moving again, towards the tree, towards the carving. I couldn't stop myself now. When I reached it, I knelt down next to the carving, dropping my suitcase and backpack. Then I picked up a stone that was lying next to the tree, and I used it to scratch out the carving, until it was nothing but a small indictment on the large oak tree.
"Forever," I said to myself, "yeah right," And then I began to laugh. It started off as a small giggle, but ended out to be uncontrollable laughing. And I couldn't stop. I was hysterical and I knew it. It felt as if my brain had shut down and all of my mixed emotions were coming out all at once, leaving me one big mess of feelings.
And I just wanted it to stop. I would do anything for it to stop, for all of these feelings to go away. I just wanted to numb the pain, to clear it out of my system. So I stood up, leaving me backpack and suitcase there on the grass, and I began walking. Except this time, I knew where I was going. I had a destination.
I walked until I reached the highway, cars passing by within seconds. I took a deep breath, second-guessing what I was about to do. But then all of the reasons for this came back into my mind. And everything played out in my head, filling me with anger, betrayal, dejection, spite, and emptiness. I heard every word, making my ears ring.
" You say I'm selfish, but you're too conceited to even consider the fact that you're pretty darn selfish yourself."
"All you care about is Ash! Even after he broke your heart, you still go back to him. You're pathetic. You're desperate and pathetic. Well I hope you really love him, because now, he's all you've got."
"Well I pity myself for being the mother of a worthless disgrace like you."
"Because on July twenty-second, I leave to go to war. I'm in the army."
I plugged my ears, trying to block out the sound, but I couldn't. And the feeling that it left me with was overwhelming. It was strong enough to make me do what I was so nervous about doing.
I saw the headlights of a car in the distance; it was heading my way. Now was my chance. So I closed my eyes and I stepped out onto the street, right in front of the speeding car.