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April 6, 2010
I woke up, yawning as I stretched my arms up above my head. I’d forgotten how comfortable my bed was. So much better than sleeping in my car. I’d fallen asleep at only seven o’clock last night, which was incredibly early for me, and slept all the way up until ten o’clock this morning. I definitely needed the rest though.
Cole had spent the night on our couch downstairs, but he had a five o’clock flight back to Michigan this evening, so I didn’t have much time left to spend with him. That was seriously sucky for me, because all I really wanted to do at that moment was spend time with Cole. I hadn’t seen him in such a long time, and I really missed him.
So I decided that I was going to take advantage of the little time I had with him. I got out of my bed and went into my bathroom to brush my teeth and hair. I sighed as I pulled my contacts case out of my medicine cabinet. I hated putting my contacts in, but they were so much more attractive than glasses. So I popped them in, blinking a few times to soak up the solution, which was making my eyes water.
Once that was finished, I got dress. I slipped my favorite ruby-colored halter top on over my head, loving how the soft, silky fabric hugged my skin. Then I stepped into my dark wash skinny jeans, the one that made my legs look really good. The black flats I’d gotten from the mall only a few months ago would go great with this outfit.
When I was content with my outfit, I went back to my bathroom, deciding to put on some makeup today. Nothing too dramatic, just a thin layer of kohl black eyeliner, some mascara and a little bit of lip gloss. I glanced in the mirror, taking in my reflection. I thought I looked pretty good. Hopefully, Cole would think so too. I wasn’t quite sure why, but I wanted him to notice that I’d dressed nicely for him.
Maybe it was because I wanted him to compliment me. But was that so wrong? After all, I’d just spent the last few days in hell with Will. I’d been scratched, punched and nearly strangled to death. I needed a compliment from my boyfriend to boost my self esteem.
Feeling confident in how I looked, I opened up the door to my bedroom and ambled downstairs. The scent of pancakes and maple syrup was overpowering as soon as I reached the living room. I followed the mouthwatering aroma into the kitchen, where it was coming from. Cole was standing at the stove, flipping pancakes, while my mom sat at the kitchen table. She was sipping coffee from a mug and flipping through the New York Times.
“Good morning,” I said. Mom tore her attention away from the newspaper to look up at me and Cole turned away from his pancake flipping.
“Hey,” Cole replied, smiling at me in return. “You look great.” My heart warmed when he said this and I beamed back at him.
“Thanks,” I said casually, as if it was no big deal.
“I hope you’re hungry, because I made breakfast.” he told me as he lifted each pancake off of the stove with a spatula and placed them on a large glass plate. He turned the stove off and brought the heaping plate of pancakes over to the kitchen table.
“It smells really good,” I said, taking a seat across from Mom at the table. Cole grabbed three smaller plates out of the cabinet and came over to set the table.
“Oh, no thank you,” Mom told him when he went to set a plate in front of her. “It looks delicious, but I’ve got to get to work. In fact, I should probably get going now.” She rose to her feet and gulped down the remainder of her coffee. “Bye honey,” she said to me as she turned to walk out the front door.
“Bye,” I called back to her. Cole and I both listened to the door slam shut behind her. Then he looked up at me, an impish grin spreading across his lips.
“And then there were two,” he stated. I smiled back at him, but inside my stomach was turning uneasily. There was just something about that mischievous gleam in Cole’s eyes that made me feel like he was going to try and pull something. He’d already tried to go all the way with me twice. I’d turned him down both times because I felt it was too soon, but I had a feeling he was going to try it again.
“Yeah,” I replied, trying to control my anxiety. My heart was practically beating out of my chest. He placed two golden-brown pancakes on my plate and drizzled syrup over them for me. “Thanks,” I said to him.
“No problem,” he said. He got two pancakes for himself and sat down next to me, his eyes looking into mine. He held them there for a moment, until it got too awkward for me and I had to look away.
I began cutting my pancakes up into tiny squares, but I could still feel him looking at me. I was tempted to meet his gaze, but I fought against my temptation and kept my eyes trained on the food in front of me. I speared a fluffy piece of pancake with my fork and soaked it with syrup before popping it into my mouth.
After swallowing, I finally looked back up at Cole, who hadn’t even touched his food yet. “You got some syrup on your mouth,” he told me. I reached for a napkin, but he placed his hand on top of mine before I could grab one. “Don’t worry, I got it.” he murmured seductively.
My heart thumped erratically inside my chest as his face moved closer to mine. Soon, he was only inches away from me and I could feel his warm breath as he exhaled. He lightly touched his lips to mine and I felt his moist tongue dab at the tiny dot of syrup that was on my mouth. His lips brushed against mine as he pulled away from me, and my entire body tingled from his touch.
“There,” he said, his voice low and raspy. “All gone,”
I had to take a moment to catch my breath after that. It was just so intense…so heart racing. But that was just how things were with Cole. Every moment was thrilling. Even just a simple kiss with him was electrifying.
“Thanks,” I choked out, my voice cracking a bit. I blushed and turned away from him as a small smile played out across his lips. His lips. Just the thought of them made me want to kiss him. But instead, I took a deep breath and went back to my pancakes. I wasn’t really hungry anymore though.
“You know, we have this whole house to ourselves.” Cole pointed out to me. He didn’t need to though. I was very aware of the emptiness of my house.
“Yeah, we do.” I replied. I stared down at my breakfast, which was now chopped up into microscopic pieces. I stabbed a piece of pancake with my fork and began to swirl it around in the pool of syrup on my plate, trying to distract myself from the feelings Cole was giving me.
I heard the legs of his chair screech as they slid across the tile floor of my kitchen though. Then I saw him rise to his feet out of the corner of my eye. I listened to the soft sound of his footsteps padding against the ground. I felt his presence, felt him standing behind me, felt him breathing softly down my neck.
It was getting really difficult for me to focus on pancakes with Cole standing right behind me. Especially when I felt his strong hands on my bare shoulders. His fingers dug into my skin and he began to massage my shoulders. All of the focus that I had so carefully trained on my pancakes was now lost. I could no longer control myself.
I gently pushed my chair back and stood up, turning and pressing my body up against Cole’s. My slim stomach against his ripped abs. My slender arms grazing his muscular ones. My glossed lips against his slightly chapped ones. My lanky legs wrapping around his toned waste.
When we shared a kiss as passionate as this one, we were no longer two people. No, we were molded together into one. It was amazing…magical even. I felt his warm tongue work its way into my mouth. It ran over my teeth, brushed across my lips. With my heart beating faster than ever, I slipped my tongue into his mouth too.
It wasn’t one of those gross, saliva-swapping kisses that couples had in the middle of the hallway at school though. It was much different. It actually meant something.
With my legs wrapped tightly around his waste, he took me into the living room and sat down on the couch. He laid back against it so that I was on top of him and moved his hands up so that they were tangled in my thick mane of hair. I pressed my own hands against his stomach, feeling each tight ripple of his abs. And what great abs they were.
But then Cole’s hands moved from my hair down to my shoulders. Once they were at my shoulders they went for the straps of my halter top. I knew exactly where this was going. It was just as I had predicted. He was trying to get in my pants…again. I might’ve been a legal adult, but I still wasn’t ready to sleep with Cole. Not yet. So I pulled away from him.
“What’s the matter?” he asked me. “Do you want to take this upstairs or something?”
“No, I just…” I trailed off at the end, sighing. I didn’t want to disappoint him again. It was the last day I had with him before he went back to college. Then I’d be without him until June. I didn’t want to send him back to Michigan upset with me. But I wasn’t ready to give up my virginity to him yet either. “I’m just not ready.” I finally said.
A could have swore I saw a flicker of irritation in his eyes. But it disappeared too quickly for me to confirm whether it was really there at all. “Oh,” he replied. “That’s ok. I don’t want to rush you into something you aren’t ready for.” He sighed and looked longingly into my eyes. “I just really love you,” he added with a shy smile.
He gently tucked a strand of my wavy blonde hair behind my ear, his hand trailing all the way down the side of my face before finally dropping back down to his side. I felt a pang of guilt inside my chest. The way Cole was looking at me, it just made me melt. How could I not give into him? He loved me, and I loved him. So there was no reason for me to not be ready to have sex with him. The more I thought about it, the more sense it made too.
It was his day in New York until summertime, and that was a whole two months away. We needed something too help keep us together over those two months, which we’d have to spend long-distance. We needed something to bond us together. To honor our love for one another. So I yanked my deep red top off over my head, revealing my strapless black bra to him.
“Are you sure?” he asked me. I nodded firmly, although my stomach was doing somersaults. My palms were sweating too and I felt like lightheaded. I was so incredibly nervous for this moment. However, I was excited at the same time. “Alright,” he said, unable to control the grin that lit up his entire face.
While he looked calm and content, I felt terrified and unsure with what I was about to do. But I did it anyways.