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Prologue:Choosing To Live
I watched as they unhooked him from the machine that was keeping him alive for a long time. He held my hand through the whole process. I didn’t let go I didn’t want to. I watched has he passed over. Pass on to something greater and better than this world. It was hard to watch but I watched. I stayed by his side the whole time. I had to keep strong for the both of us, he told me not to cry and that I will see him again one day. I just hoped he was right.
“Hold my hand”, he said to me.
I remember what he said to me clearly. . . . .
“Can everybody leave the room please I would like to have another moment with Jaslynn please,” he said.
“Sure,” his grandmamma said eyeing everyone to shuffle out the door.
Everyone left the room including the nurses and his parents. It was just the two of us again. I looked away from him so he doesn’t see me cry. He sits up and lifts my chin.
“Hey”, he says sympathetically. “Look at me.” I turn my head to look at him.
Tears were pouring down my face. I try to wipe them away but tear after tear came.
“Remember what I said it’s okay to cry.”
“I hate crying in front of you, I’m supposed to be strong for the both of us,” I say wiping them away.
“But your so beautiful when you do, you are beautiful,” he said.
I give a fake smile and look away again. He squeezes my hand; I squeeze back and smile at him. He stares into my eyes and I stare back like we always do, like it was like a staring contest. We were searching for something inside each other and we did. We taught each other things that we never knew. He brought something out of me that I never knew before about myself. I brought something out of him I believe too. We were lost and now that we’ve found each other, found what I was looking for I just don’t want to let him ago. But we both know that he has to go, it was his time somehow at the age of eighteen but it was his time.
“I want you to take the heart after I’m gone”, he said looking straight at me.
I turn quickly shaking my head no. He gave me a look and I knew that look. He meant it, he knew that I knew that he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.
“I want you to live Jaslynn you have your whole life ahead of you. So many things that you got going for you. So many things on that list that you made that you haven’t done yet. I’m not going to let you give your life away so we can die together. I’m not letting it happen.” I keep shaking my head no but he cups it with his hands.
“Listen to me girl,” he says with sternness in his voice.
I knew to listen to this.
“You think that I want you to be alone here with out me.”
“I want to be here living in this body with you but I can’t God wants me to go. He says when it’s time to go not me, Jaslynn. We had so many memories together. Doing things that we never thought we would do,” he took a deep breath and pause for a second that felt like a long time.
“Even if you don’t want to take it at least do it for me.”
A tear rolled down my face again and I didn’t wipe it this time. I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek and said in a whisper okay. I lean back and his face looked cheerful. His eyes glittered as the sun try to peep in. Making the hazels come out. I stared at him then he made a face.
I sighed, “I promise.” he took a deep breath again and smiled at this.
“Okay, well I guess it’s time.”
He looked out the window while saying, “You can let them back in now.”
I looked at him and hesitated but I let go of his hand and shuffled off the bed. I walked like a dead person to the door; I still didn’t want to let him go.
I reached for the door….
But as I paused through the glass I saw a tear that went down his face and in return a tear went down my face too. I turn around and walked slowly to my IPod that was on the little table. I hooked it up to the speakers and turned it to a Michael Jackson song, Rockin Robin. As it started playing he turned quickly and looks at me. I start doing a dance that I made up. I started swing my hips and clapping. He smiled the biggest smile that I knew that was there. I twirl to the door handle and lock it so no one will come in and see what we were doing. I skipped to the side of the bed and handed out my hand. I kept shaking my hips.
“If this isn’t living and rocking to Michael Jackson then I don’t know what is,” I said with a high pitch voice.
He laughs and takes my hand I pulled him up and we started dancing. He had his hands on my hips and we started dancing together. We laughed and smile at each other it felt like that nothing was going to happen. It felt like living. We danced like hours it seems like dancing to different songs. When we finished we fell on the bed. Well more like a flop. We laughed hysterically like idiots. We are idiots, who just want to live for one last time. We piped down and stared up at the ceiling. We hung up all my drawings months ago and paintings making into one big picture. It was beautiful.
“I’m going to miss you”, I said.
“I’m not”, he said with a sniff.
“Hey”, I slapped him in the ribs and he started laughing again.
“I didn’t mean that way I mean I get to see you all the time when I’m up there. Looking down at you see what your doing. And especially in the nude,”
I pushed him again and he laughed again. I laughed too. He sat up and looked at me with a serious face.
“I love you”. I sat up and looked at him.
“I love you too”. He pulled me in and hugged me for awhile he kissed me and I kissed him back. Tears formed in both of our eyes.
"Are you scared,” I said in a whisper looking down at are hands locked into each others.
“Yes”, he whispered back. I looked up at him
Tears were rolling down his face; I wiped them away.
“Don’t tell anyone that I cried in front of you or that I was scared.”
We hugged again but were interrupted with his grandmother knocking on the door. We looked back and nods are heads.
“Are you ready”, I said to him.
“Are you”, he said. I nod my head yes.
“Then I am too”. I squeeze his hand then let it go. I got off the bed and walked to the door and took a deep breath and opened the door.
“In a few minutes he will start to close his eyes. I thank you for your cooperation. He was fine young man. I'm glad that I got to treat him,” the nurse said.
I held his hand. Something came inside me while he passed. All that life all the cheerfulness that he had all came over me. Has he passed all the life and hope that was in him came into me. It crept in and I was once was filled with life again. This is when I chose to live.
I'm Jaslynn Thomas. I'm 17 and this is my story when I choose to live.