All Nonfiction Bullying Books Academic Author Interviews Celebrity interviews College Articles College Essays Educator of the Year Heroes Interviews Memoir Personal Experience Sports Travel & CultureAll Opinions Bullying Current Events / Politics Discrimination Drugs / Alcohol / Smoking Entertainment / Celebrities Environment Love / Relationships Movies / Music / TV Pop Culture / Trends School / College Social Issues / Civics Spirituality / Religion Sports / Hobbies
- Summer Guide
- College Guide
- Author Interviews
- Celebrity interviews
- College Articles
- College Essays
- Educator of the Year
- Personal Experience
- Travel & Culture
- Current Events / Politics
- Drugs / Alcohol / Smoking
- Entertainment / Celebrities
- Love / Relationships
- Movies / Music / TV
- Pop Culture / Trends
- School / College
- Social Issues / Civics
- Spirituality / Religion
- Sports / Hobbies
- Community Service
- Letters to the Editor
- Pride & Prejudice
- What Matters
Exploring Wonderland (Chap. 1)
A heavy Darkness
“The crash killed four people, seriously injured seven, and gave respectable injuries to five, still stands as the cities worst car crash by far…”
You’re probably wondering about the oddly named, sentimental, overly dramatic, and definitely boringly familiar chapter title. Now hold on, I am getting to it.
I don’t remember anything about that day. Anything. I don’t remember getting up in the morning, going to school, talking to friends, or the beginning part of the car ride home. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.
Oh yes, I do remember one thing. One tiny little thing. Yelling, at my older brother, the driver, from the front seat. “Look out!”
That’s what I had said. Look out. Not that that helped. At all. Not to blame him or anything, cause I don’t. It wasn’t his fault at all. Poor Justin, he went through a lot those months. Normally I wouldn’t feel bad for him but…
I can tell you now it wasn’t a fun feeling. It was, here we go, weird (surprise surprise!) Very, very weird. I remember an echo of a voice, my own. Look out! It rang out, and continued to sound even though my mouth was closed. Like it bounced off walls several times to come back to me. I don’t remember seeing anything at all, nor did I know what I was trying to look out for. I somehow held onto the fact I was with my older brother in the car on the way home from school. But that was mostly all. It was a lot like a dream. You know when you’re in a dream, and you know where you are and what you’re doing but you don’t know why you’re here and why you’re doing what you are? And you don’t remember any events that lead up to the place your in now. You remember your life outside the dream, but you don’t remember how you got in the car or waking up after you fell asleep to even be able to get into car in the morning. But you also know these random facts about what you already did but have no memory of doing it. That’s how it was for me. All I knew was; I was in the car with my brother, I had (even though I could still hear those two words) yelled look out, and I was pretty sure something had, or was, hitting our car.
For a very short time (I cannot stress enough the word short) I saw nothing. And when I say nothing I mean, NOTHING! No, it was not blackness. Not like when you close your eyes. Or when you’re in the dark. It’s very hard to explain. There was no darkness, but there was no light either. It wasn’t a mixture of the two, and it wasn’t anything. Do you remember sleeping when you don’t dream? No, of course you don’t. It’s like you never existed to yourself for those few hours. It was like that except I knew I existed. No light, no dark, no ANYTHING. I didn’t think, it was just those three facts right then. I was in the car with my brother, I had yelled look out, and I think something had hit our car from some reason. And like I said when I said short, I mean short. Like two or three seconds. It might as well not have happened. But I had to mention it because it was so (ready?) weird. I have never felt like that again or before. And I don’t really want to. I wasn’t scared, I wasn’t anything. All I knew were those three things. I think that was when the other “thing” hit our car. I am of course, not sure. But I am almost sure. Because what else could it have been? What else could it have been except a car slamming into our right side (right into me) and knocking everything out of me except those three obvious facts?
Now what happened after that, two or three seconds was horrible! I cannot begin to tell you how unprepared I was for that feeling, that horrible scary feeling. That insane 15 minutes (felt like gruesome hours) was the worst part of my life up to that point. And I had had some bad 15 minutes (all of which I relived later). It is very hard to describe how CRAZY it was. The most unexpected thing, I mean I hadn’t known how I ended up there! I knew I couldn’t be dreaming, but other than that fourth fact added to the other three I knew nothing expect; “Ahhhhh!” And I know that looks funny, but let me stress that it was not funny. You weren’t there and you didn’t feel the pain and the confusion and a weird sense of loss.
A=?r^2 (x+a)^n=?_(k=0)^n??(n¦k) x^k a^(n-k) ? (1+x)^n=1+nx/1!+(n(n-1) x^2)/2!+?f(x)=a_0+?_(n=1)^??(a_n cos??n?x/L?+b_n sin??n?x/L? ) a^2+b^2=c^2 x=(-b±?(b^2-4ac))/2a e^x=1+x/1!+x^2/2!+x^3/3!+?,-?<x<?sin??±sin??=2sin??1/2 (?±?)? cos??1/2 (???)? cos??+cos??=2cos??1/2 (?+?)? cos??1/2 (?-?)?
Go ahead. Solve it.
That’s just a little bit of what it was like for me. A tip of the iceberg. If someone just sat you down and told you to go ahead and solve this insanity. First of all, I don’t believe there is a problem like this in the world of math because I don’t think there should be that many = signs. And if there is I quit math here and now.
But it was in a weird way like that for me. Someone just thrust something at you without any warning, without any logical reason, without any possible way (in your knowledge) of fixing it, and no tools to even try except look around for someone to help you.
Except with me, my problem was so much bigger then math. And, there was no one to look around for. This is what happened in those 15 minutes;
After the split second of nothingness I was surrounded by a black darkness. And I know a black darkness is a rather obvious thing, black and dark kinda go together. But this was a different kind of darkness that I had never seen before. It bended, it swirled, but it was all black. It moved around me, and it seemed that I was in the center of it and the universe of that black “room” revolved around me. I felt like I was drowning, I could push against the darkness like you would water, like I was swimming in cold midnight black water. And I couldn’t breathe. I felt like I was under a dark ocean. At first, briefly, it was just the blackness swirling and turning around me. And I kicked (or moved) and tried to somehow break free of this dark void. I think I tried yelling and screaming but that wasn’t working because no sound I made reached my ears or the ears of the strange cavern. I began to panic, wondering what kind of dream this was. I kicked my legs and waved my arms (even though I couldn’t really see them or anything) and basically went a little berserk. Nothing was making sense, but for some reason I was beginning to be pretty sure I wasn’t dreaming. Also for reasons unknown to me I didn’t really take in the fact that I couldn’t breathe, that my lungs were being pressed together tightly. An invisible weight sitting on them, condemning them (and me) to a slow death. At the moment I was more concerned with just breaking free of wherever I was exactly.
I began to tire pretty quickly of just flinging my limbs around (it was only at the most somewhere around a minuet I would guess) and when I began to calm down for a few seconds I realized I could still hear something! I immediately went still and began listening harder then I had ever listened before in my life. If I could have been breathing hard (from not being able to breath and from flinging my body parts in any direction) I would have been. I could almost feel myself stretching my ears trying to catch the noise.
First I heard sirens, or it was the first thing that registered itself into my brain. Or registered into wherever I was, the room was me and thought what I thought in way. (But I will talk about that in a second) Then I heard a lot of voices, or maybe it was a few really loud voices. There were just voices, some were screaming others were yelling in a commanding sorta way. A bunch of other noises that weren’t really distinct were combining to make this mass wall of noise (people, animals, cars, sirens) that got louder and seemed to fill more space with noise the more I concentrated. I almost put my hands over me ears (if I could have even done that, not sure if I actually had a body where I was conscience and moveably controlling whatever of me was there) when two distinct voices stuck out to me from the horde of noise. I listened in even harder, and focused in on those two voices. And suddenly, like I had moved a dial, I could hear them much clearer and everything else became slightly quieter. One I instantly recognized and hope began to spread throughout the space that was rattled with confusion as though the walls (were there walls?) were made up of my thoughts and feelings. (Believe me when I say the feeling had before been confusing, the whole place screamed confusing almost like it could feel and think. And whatever I was feeling it was feeling, and that first gave me the idea that maybe I was inside my brain, going “why is this happening, why can’t I enfold back into my body?”)
It was my older brother, Justin. I heard him continue “….Please! I’m going to be okay, but please get her out of here! Can’t you see she’s bleeding!” The walls began to get almost smaller or tighter, and everything seemed to be sent into question/panic mode because of the tone of his voice. He sounded scared (which he never sounded scared!), terrified actually. And his voice was all shaky, but also determined. Another voice spoke; “listen sir, please calm down. Your doors are stuck and jammed and we are bringing some tools in. Your sister—whoa whoa! Stop that car, stop it now!” The voice, which had been commanding and forced calm, began getting farther away and higher in panic. I heard a huge screeching noise and crashing and screaming and I began to become continually scared again.
“Help, help! Oh my god!” I heard Justin yell, almost scream. And then my world was being rocked back and forth, jerked and pulled. Like I was in a huge tub of water someone had come and picked up so I sloshed and moved around like I had no control over where I went. I didn’t realize my brother had grabbed hold of me and was trying to pull me out of my seat with great difficulty and pain. My seat belt was jammed, like the doors. Everything in the car had been squished together too close and it would have been easier for the firemen to pry open the doors then to try to lift us out, instead of using the windows since they didn’t know if we had any neck or back injuries. But why the sudden panic?
The car crash (a HUGE one, four people died and seven were injured seriously, five non-seriously) had been caused by a group of drunk drivers. A bunch of teenagers had decided to skip school and go get high. They had three cars, and ten people. They split into groups. Well the first two cars caused the car crash at intersection of town. All the cars were piled together on top of each other and around each other and people were freaking out and it was rather crazy. Or at least I heard later. Me and my brother were near the end of the wreckage and hadn’t actually been hit by one of the drunk cars. (ha, drunk car) We had been hit by a car, who had been trying to break and lost control because it was hit by a car, who had been hit by a car, which had been trying to get away and ect. Well, the third car of drunk people had got turned around and went down another street (of course this was unknown to everyone at the time). They had realized that they been left behind and rather ticked they drove extremely fast up the road on our right that lead into the huge intersection.
Me and my brother were in the path of destruction. My world was being rocked and I was confused even more because I heard my brother make almost a sobbing sound right before the screeching of tires was overcome by new noise. Metal hitting metal. Scratching, peeling paint, loud and high like finger nails on a chalk board. The sound of something that was supposed to be almost indestructible but was now cracking and snapping under the extreme force of ramming into something in its path. But I wasn’t pay attention to sound anymore. Because with the new sound came a bunch of new feelings.
With the huge weird bursting sound I felt something collide in a huge force against my right side. (how did I know right from left just then?) BAM! And then the new sound began but like I said I wasn’t paying attention to that. A huge pain crept up my whole right side, slowly at first and then shooting up it and back down again and back up again and zigg sagging all over my arm and leg. My chest tightened and constricted and relaxed in grimacing pain. And then did it all over again. And my dark world had become a bright display of fireworks. There was a flashing blue-ish hue that looked almost like a “warning, warning malfunction!” siren. The brain was rocked with panic like no other and confused doesn’t begin to describe the feelings. Random sounds and smells (but not sight) and feelings would intermix with the real things that were happening like the brain was pulling up memories now because it didn’t know what else to do to stop the damage. And then, like someone had spilled ink, actual red liquid looking stuff began to seep through somewhere. Like a red scarlet sash it ran in swirls and pretty patterns around my confinement. It was pretty, and scary. But my brain didn’t like it. It began to almost wine and nothing was making sense and beginning squeeze and almost yelling in pain my body protested. And my breathing became MUCH more hard and I suddenly was finding myself looking for oxygen and the panic level rose. And then every few moments I would hear a “bum bum bum” not with my outside ears but rising up from inside and filling into my skull where I think I was conscious. And when that happened my chest would squish so tight together I thought it would burst and it felt like something was going to leap out of it and I was almost pushed out of wherever I was when that happened.
And to make things worse, my world was spinning and spilling out of control. The black dark world (which except for the red was going black again) was spinning around and around. I was turning and tossing and crying (if I could cry) and screaming and sagging and then tightening again and just begging for this to be over. (yeah, the drunk car sent ours into a spin)
And then I began to go upside down! (If you haven’t figured our car flipped, a total of five times!) So I went right up and then upside down and then right up and then upside down again. And my brain was practically shrieking “PAINIC!” And then it stopped with a jolt to the left side of the “room”. I was thrown all the way to the right side after I rammed into the left side and top of the room at the right exploded in pain. I could feel my right side of my head just blow up basically. And then I looked up and I actually saw cracks. The weirdest (weird word again) looking cracks I had ever seen but still cracks. And then more red liquid began to seep in through the cracks.
I heard so much noise then but I can’t really remember what they were. My brother, I am told, had finally passed out so I couldn’t have heard him. Or maybe I did and I was just going crazy. But I heard some crying, and a lot more yelling and whatever a fireman says or does when he thinks “oh crap their dead!” I don’t know if they work faster when they think that or they slow down because they have other “alive” people to help.
The room was defiantly wining now. It was actually wining! It was pulling together, and I felt more confined and confused (pattern here with the word “confused”) and then I began to feel major pain. Nothing in my actual body, but in my head. I felt like someone was taking an ax on the inside side of my brain and trying to hack threw the middle of it. I screamed when the major point of the major pain came. It would go back down, and the room would release slightly and the only terrifying thing in those brief moments were the “bum bum bum” sounds and chest pains which made me begin to wonder if I was going to live. And then the “room” (if you haven’t figured it out, I am guessing the room was my brain) would go into a spasm, the pain would start to crank up and within a few seconds the wood cutter was back and the pain consumed me. I scream, and tore my head around like one of those crazed rockers. The red liquid would tremble like there was an earth quake. I was crying, but I wasn’t shedding tears. I began to scratch at my throat and chest (I think I was, if I could scratch at anything touchable) because I was beginning to really need oxygen. Ever get water up your nose? Times that by ten and then 100 and that’s how my nose felt! Every molecule in my brain/body was shrieking, “Make it STOP!” And I personally agreed with them. What in the world had happened to me!?!?!?
And a noise came that I actually had to pay attention to. I stopped my rampage slightly (and I was shaking so hard from my violent self my teeth were chattering) to listen. It was the meddle sound again, but sorta different. It sounded like it was being crushed and scooped and pushed together. When that stopped (I had been chocking myself during that ten second period) another sound involving meddle took its place. The sounds of ripping meddle. (I should write a book about the different sounds meddle can make). And it was very close to me. One on either side, but one a little fast then the other.
And then my world tipped again. But it wasn’t the same before. It was only a slightly and wasn’t in itself uncomfortable. (I’ve figured now that it was a fireman lifting me out of the car carefully). By now the pain was almost getting routine. So I was shuddering and whimpering, exhausted. I wanted to go to sleep, for real sleep. Not this weird, I can’t open my eyes but I can see inside my head sleep.
I felt myself being lifted into the ambulance quickly, but I wasn’t trying to protest the pain anymore. Or anything. I limply rolled into a ball and began to cry again and whimper. I let any pain wash over me and when the climax of the pain hit I just shuddered and quietly groaned and moaned until it past. I ignored the strange heart beat moments. This was all happening as the ambulance swerved, curved, and spiraled through the city which was only three miles away. The sirens were blaring and the tires screeching and every so often a horn blared. My world swayed and rocked, as the car hurried through the streets of our city, going as fast as we can go.
The voices were heard, but they didn’t register;
“Her brother is waking up”
“Did you tell the hospital what to expect?”
“Get me a pulse on her!”
“Pass me that!”
“She isn’t responding!”
“How long has she been passed out?”
“Her heart is completely irregular!”
“Name and age?”
“We don’t want her to go into cardiac arrest.”
“She looks somewhere around 15 or 16”
I found out later there were four men working on me. I of course didn’t know that at the time. I didn’t really care about anything except getting back to normal. Normal being a relative term. But I did find it vaguely comforting to know that there were people out there who knew what was happening. Who were doing something to help me, to get me out of whatever had happened to me. Not that I knew that for sure, but it was kinda obvious.
The end of the first fifteen minutes came to a close as I was rushed into the hospital.
Something was wrong. More wrong then the obvious wrongness. The noise in the background was getting lighter, and I actually had to focus to hear anything. Which I couldn’t do because my world had changed once again. It was pressing against me, a constant weight forcing me to rise upwards. This is where the pressing darkness comes in. It felt like the darkness actually bore down on me. I twisted, curled, and coiled around myself. I was very agitated and as time went on the awkward, unpleasant, compressing began to heighten to painful. Very painful. The pressure turned from annoying pushing to almost unbearable forceful squashing. It was coming out me from all sides, but for some reason the more the force centered on me, compressing me, the more I drifted upwards. And soon the drifting became being pulled. I screamed and arched my back, screwing together and then unscrewing. Two forces were being fought in my mind, in my inner being. One was trying to keep me where I was, determined that I didn’t leave my dwelling and enter into whatever was beyond. The other was trying to yank me out of my chamber. Unwavering it tried to drag and force me upward. While the other was just as single minded in keeping me in the dark prison. And I was rooting for the one keeping me here. I know that may seem odd, but I just knew. I knew that leaving this place that way, was bad. Bad isn’t the right word. It was more serious and worse than bad. If I left this way, I think I would have died. I think (I thought)….I was dying. And I allowed my body to fight for its life.
Justin had opened his eyes to very bright lights. They were beaming down from somewhere above him. He felt dizzy and light headed. He tried to sit up, but then someone pushed him back down. “Just stay down Justin. Everything will be okay. You were in a car crash, do you remember anything?” A smaller light was shined briefly in each eye. He felt hands poking him and prodding him, and there was a needle in his arm. There were many noises, screams of pain, beeping machines, feet running around in padded shoes and the sound of many voices demanding calm and control. He blinked a few times. People were darting around hurriedly, a lot of persons in white lab coats? There were curtains hanging, a boring pale blue. Some drawn, but more pulled back. There were a lot of cold beds on colder bench like things as like the one he was sitting on, and they were completely over crowded. Most of the people on these benches had no clothes on, and they looked seriously injured! The smells were confusing, blood and a lot of it, but what was that other one? It took him a second to grasp things. It smelled way to clean, cold, and it made his mouth water. There was also a hint of mint almost. And undercooked spoiled food.
Suddenly his brain made the connection. He was in the hospital. And it looked like the ER, and not the place where you go for stitches either. He looked down at his own body. There was bright strawberry red blood trickling down his arm, which was quickly whipped away by a nurse. His side hurt horribly, and it felt like someone had taken a tiny harmer and cracked every one of his ribs. His head was throbbing to the beat of his heart, which was extremely fast. There was a reduced amount of blood in his foot, and the blood taken from his foot seemed to be on his other leg where he swore he saw bone. Either that or tissue. He winced as he nodded his answer to the question asked, holding his hand up as the doctor allowed him to prop himself slowly back on the backboard of the matrix. His memory came back in a rush. “…..the….car. It, it hit ours?” The Doctor answered him, but he wasn’t listening. He was remembering. The last thing he could recall was trying to pull his sister out of the— his sister! Justin attempted to sit up again, but the Doctors quickly kept him from moving very much “Easy Justin, we don’t see any big complications, but we need to take this slow.” Justin shook his head (very painful) and tried to tell them why he needed to leave. “My sister, I have to go. She needs to be okay, I promised!” Another doctor came over to help the female Asian who was having trouble getting him to stay put. “Sir, you have several broken ribs and your leg needs stitching. We are taking care of your sister, trust us. Just remain calm”
Justin knew they wouldn’t let him leave to find her. He had to protector her, he had to! “You don’t understand! My mom, she, I promised! I promised!” He tried to get them to understand. “Mr. Ames please…” “Where is she? Is she okay?” He began to relent, sitting down slowly. The male whispered something in the lady doctor’s ear. “We’re working on her Justin, just relax.” Justin wasn’t stupid. “Is she okay!?” The Asian reached out a hand and tried to force him to lay down “She is in critical condition, but we have the best staff here at--” Suddenly a movement caught Justin’s eye. Some nurse had thrown back the curtains to the bed two down from his own. There were many doctors and nurses surrounding this particular bed, and they came and went in a hurry. Many were bent over the girl in obvious concentration, yelling out for tools or instruments. Others were shaking their heads, or their shoulders slumped in frustration and defeat. Others simply left and went to other patients in the room. When someone would move away for a second, allowing him to see brief glances of her he saw: long black hair matted together in a mass of red sticky blood. A pale white hand hanging limply over the bed that was becoming an operating table. The side of the head that had a huge gash that ran down to her eyes which were halfway open. The thin, slender torso that had sharply crossed scars.
The girl wasn’t moving, dead weight on the table. But every so often her back would arch up ever so slightly, so little you couldn’t be sure she had moved a fraction, of a fraction of an inch. Someone closed her eyes, her chest rose and fell rapidly and anyone could see…the girl shouldn’t live more than a minute longer.
“…Lily….” There was no emotion in his voice, no divine connection or trace of tears. Just a simple common fact, that that was Lily. His voice was horse, but not from shock or fear, but from lack of use. He rarely talked, and it suddenly occurred to him how little he talked to Lily.
When the Doctors back was turned for a small second, Justine stood and quickly tried to make for the bed where his sister lay dying. “Hey!” A small nurse called as he practically ran her over, limping but moving at surpassing speed. “Justin!” His doctor called, and soon many of the hospital staff ran to assist her.
Just as he had reached the edge of the bed, much to the surprise of many of those working on her, hands rapped around the edge of his arms, pulling him back. “No! You don’t understand, I have to be with her! I promised!” “Justin, come back to the bed! Justin…” The voice sounded like it was warning him. He didn’t care. He locked his legs, one was bleeding again. “No, stop!” He pleaded. “Just let me sit by her!” The head on the table twitched. “See! She wants me!” Justin didn’t know what was happening, a natural feeling had taken over. Normally, even if his sister had begged and pleaded he wouldn’t have come. But now….something was saying if he could just get to her she would be alright. They were all each other had…all that was left of mother. A doctor yelled out as he was being dragged away “I’m going to need a defibrillator!!” A what? No, no it couldn’t be that bad! Justin began to sob, more from confusion and fear then the pain his leg and ribs were causing him. He longed for Melissa, his wife, to be here. She would make everything better. She would let him, yes, Melissa would let him see Lily. Obscurities flew from his mouth. “I need a sedative!” Came a voice from behind him.
Back to me, what’s really important! No, I don’t really mean that. My poor brother, he is only 26 yet he has so much responsibility. He has had to try to be a father to me from day one.
The pressing darkness was losing. The pain was excruciating, agonizing and unbearable. I didn’t know if it was worth it anymore. I could see light ahead of me, above me. I wanted to run to the light, to bathe in it and never see darkness again. But it was bad, wasn’t it? The light was bad, nothing good would happen if I went into the light. And I know what you’re thinking, “Don’t go into the light!” right? You might have even thought of that before this and saw this coming. But I couldn’t go into the light, I didn’t have a choice! I was being tormented as I was pulled towards it. I felt like I was being ripped, piece by piece, from my own body. Slowly, snatches of me were gone. And I don’t mean just my memories (I didn’t remember anything before the age eight, nor could I tell you any of my friend’s names) but pieces of me. Me, Lily Darien Ames. My personality, my life story, my hopes and dreams ( I warned you about me getting all psychologically emotional on you) and who I was. I didn’t know who I was. And I felt completely and utterly lost, like no matter what happened it wouldn’t end okay.
I should mention before I end this chapter, that I now noticed two different consciences in my body. I’m sorry, this should freak you out, but it will make sense I promise (more or less). They were rapping around my own, and they seemed to be egging me on. One, was tiny and little. Was barely a whisper. There was so much more to it than that, but I didn’t discover that until later. All I knew then was that it was small, hardly here, and endearing.
The other one was HUGE! There was hardly any of it left in my body, but the part, the iny part that was there was huge. It consumed me anytime it got close enough. It scared me, it demanded attention. It screamed powerful. It emitted sympathy towards my plight. I wondered, how could I have not noticed that this thing lived in me?! This thing, if it was so powerful, why didn’t it just save me? Us?
I could hear my heartbeat every second then. I could hear when it sped up, when it slowed down, when it stuttered, and when it stopped.
There was a huge WOOSH of wind, and I was suddenly screaming upwards. The light got blinding, and it developed points on the end. And I was dead, I was going to leave my body now, I knew nothing. The light almost touched me, when CRASH! I was slammed back, but not as far as I had been. I was still dead. But I was still here, until I started to go whoosh again when crash happened again as well. Yellow lights ran through, and I felt electricity heat my body which was ice cold. I began to cry harder, and beg. But I didn’t say or think anything. But I knew I was begging. I began to fly upwards again, and crash happened again, but so much weaker. I was gone. I wasn’t going to come back this next time. Whatever of me was left, was so tired and small that there was no possible way it would return.
(This all happened in seconds) Then a whirl pool appeared below me. It was swirling, and turning and soul sucking blackness. I knew my body had found a way, found a way to save me. It was the last resort, the final charge, the only possible way! But how was I supposed to get down there? Even if the electrical heat came back, it wouldn’t shock me low enough to get to the whirlpool of death/hope.
I gave it all I had. I screamed and twisted in agony. I bit myself. Anything to remind my soul, HEY YOU HAVE A BODY! STAY IN IT! (please?)
Nothing happened, I reached towards the whirlpool of death/hope. The whoosh came again. I heard the buzz of the electrical shock, and knew that this would be the last time. All of my identity was gone, I knew NOTHING of who I was. Or the world, or anything. All I knew was, I was here. Can you imagine not knowing what the world was? Or that you had a past? I knew nothing of this, but I knew I was here NOW.
I prayed; to who or what I didn’t know. I just screamed (if I could scream) “Whoever loves me, help me!” I was delusional. But it worked (remember this, the whooshing, the crashing, and the whirlpool, happened in about ten seconds altogether)
The big conscience got bigger, and closer to me then it had throughout this whole ordeal. Hope radiated from it, and I was terribly afraid.
I felt warmth spread through my stone cold body, and a bright light flashed. I whooshed…
What was happening? Justin watched and struggled as his sisters frail body heaved and trembled as she was electrocuted three times. Doctors were shaking their heads. Justin cried. “Please!” He begged. “Please!” (who was he talking to?)
They went in for a fourth time, and he knew it would be the last. A doctor held a cell phone to announce the time of death.
“Clear!” the man yelled.
“Please” Justin whispered as a needle pierced his skin and he collapsed.
He saw the line of a dead heart as he fell…but then he saw….blackness.
….I whooshed towards the whirlpool of death/hope. As it surrounded me in all its spinning glory, I suddenly had my being slammed back into me with a force that hurt me to the core. Imagine all your memories, hopes, hates, thoughts and words forced back into you in one instant. I gave a soul curling scream.
And as the pressing darkness receded and as I found myself falling “asleep” from the shock of the pain of being returned to my body and the midnight black sank into me I fell into a…
“…And Lily Ames slipped into a coma…”