Why, She Asked | Teen Ink

Why, She Asked

September 22, 2009
By Caitlin SILVER, Valrico, Florida
Caitlin SILVER, Valrico, Florida
7 articles 4 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"My soul is not your concern."-from 'The Blood Confession' by Alisa M. Libby

"Why do you love me?" I stared blankly at my lap, my eye's unblinking, my oily hair hanging around my face in pathetic ribbons.
Jacob stopped halfway at closing the refrigerator. The milk carton hovering in the air, just above those lips...those sweet, soft lips.
"W-what did you say Babe?"
"Why," I repeated, my breath coming out in slow, strained drawls." Do you love me?"

Milk carton down. Refrigerator shut all the way. His feet shuffling over the cracking tile of our tiny apartment kitchen.
"Well, heh, you know." He seemed confused, slightly unsure of what to really say.
"No, no I don't know." It hurt just whispering to him. Jacob sunk into the chair next to me and took my shaking hands; his were so warm, I felt my mind draw back from my thoughts, No! No, I have to keep control.
"Baby why are you asking me that? You know I do." He tried to lift my face, but I shied away, hunching over so he couldn't touch me.
"Why? Why did you have to tell me that you loved me? What could you possibly love about me?" I hissed. I felt the tears cracking in through my confusion, no, no don't break down now...
"Oh honey, come here, I love you for you, your eyes, that smile of yours-"
"Rot!" I shrieked." They'll all rot away when I die, and then what? What else?"
The tears were beginning to drip.
"Mary?" He said quietly. The silence seemed to hang so thickly, crushing me down. Just do it, crush me...please...

"Then...then there's your laugh, God I couldn’t live without that laugh, and baby your so artistic, so creative!"
"A laugh! Hands!" I moaned.
"Well what do you want me to say?" The irritation in his voice stung.
"When was the first time you heard about love?" My head shot up, could he see the broken vessels in my eyes, this overwhelming pain that I wanted to vomit out?
"W-what? What did you say?"
"Love!" I screamed, throwing his hands away as I stood up.
"When was the first time you heard two people talk about love? It's an easy question just think!"
"I don't know Mary! With my parents I guess,"
"And what did you feel when you heard them tell each other that?"
"I-I felt...I don't grossed out? maybe...maybe a little-"
"What?! What did you feel? Say it!"
"Left out I guess, since I knew it was a different kind of love they had for each other, and I didn't have that love, so...so I-I-why are we talking about this? Have you gone insane?"
"Shut and listen to me! Left out, yes that's exactly what you felt. that's the only true emotion we've ever felt as humans. We, us, are always striving, why? Why are we born with that one from the very beginning? Do you know why?"
"No, Mary just sit down!"
"NO! There's something missing in us, I can feel it, a hole taken from right here," I let out a sob as I clutched my chest, grabbing a fistful of shirt as I shook my head.
"Here, the heart, or the brain maybe-I'm not sure, but...we feel, anger, yes anger, jealousy, hate, sadness, but why? How is it possible to have emotions, how do we feel? Is it something mental? Are we all trained like monkeys, will we never find out what we really are?"
I was falling to the floor, white and black tile rushing up to greet me. Help...please.
Mary! Mary wake up!
A murmur it seemed, growing louder, and that awful roaring in my ears, make it stop! I wanted to clap my hands over my ears to block it out, but I couldn't feel where my normal placements were. Tingling everywhere, like a thousand grains of sand boiling in my blood. I think I was shaking, everything was jerking wildly, a violent thrashing.
Silence. No breath.
Open eyes. Glassy. Dead.

Shhh...you're going to be just fine baby.
His voice. Jacob?

I awoke in a darkened room, covers drawn up to my waist as I was turned to the wall, a frame placed downward. I couldn't move at first, my body felt weightless, numb. Where was I? The place smelled so musty, so unfamiliar...
As I slowly sat up my spine and wrists crackled with sleep. The saliva caked around my mouth felt sticky and strange. A large rectangular window on the left side of the room was covered over with a blanket, stray fragments of lights seeping through around the edges.
Goldberg Variations playing far away in some other part of the building...
One blink. Two.
This was my room, our room. But where was Jacob?
Slowly I got up,
Jake? I wanted to whisper.

The author's comments:
I'm not really sure what this piece was meant to turn into. I wrote it when I was really lost in my depression and insomnia, so that could have had something to do with it.

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This article has 18 comments.

on Jun. 29 2012 at 9:31 am
Bookwizard PLATINUM, Watertown, New York
38 articles 0 photos 53 comments

Favorite Quote:
If you love something, let it go. If it comes back it was always yours, if it doesn't it never was.

Oh my gosh, that was amazing. I couldn't stop reading until the end. That was awesome.

on Jan. 5 2012 at 9:15 pm
TouchOfARose SILVER, Winter Garden, Florida
7 articles 1 photo 118 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We all have ability. The difference is how we use it." -Stevie Wonder

This was absolutely amazing! You did an astoundingly good job of portraying Mary's breakdown. I really felt as if I was there and I was experiencing all the nervousness and tension building up inside of her. This kept me on edge the whole time I read it, and I had to go back and re-read this a couple times, it was just that good. There was a bit of run on sentences in there, but not many, and I can find almost no mistakes in this. You truly have a gift! Please keep on writing. (:

sha009 said...
on Mar. 25 2011 at 9:42 am
 wow it was just amazing..i just remained still on my chair reading it curiously rfom the fist word to the end..it's wonderful..i just loved it...

on Dec. 27 2010 at 11:16 am
Jazzluv411 SILVER, King Of Prussia, Pennsylvania
5 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There's a point in your life when you realize, who matters, who always did, who never did, and who wont anymore so dont worry about the people in your past there's a reason they didn't make it in your future"

This is soooo good!!! omg i loved it, good job

on May. 21 2010 at 8:59 pm
CanYouSeeTheCrazy PLATINUM, Cle Elum, Washington
21 articles 0 photos 125 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I know why everyone in this world is so desperate to find love."
"Oh yeah? Why then?"
"Because, it's the closest thing we have to magic."

holy shitalking mushrooms!! this was dam good. i mean it, i loved it so much and it kept me on my seat but i don't know why because i didn't know what was going on, but i was enthralled anyway. great work, keep writing! i loved it.

Caitlin SILVER said...
on Apr. 30 2010 at 9:18 am
Caitlin SILVER, Valrico, Florida
7 articles 4 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"My soul is not your concern."-from 'The Blood Confession' by Alisa M. Libby

Thanks, every story is my baby so I try really hard.

melodeess GOLD said...
on Apr. 29 2010 at 12:54 pm
melodeess GOLD, Edison, New Jersey
18 articles 0 photos 50 comments
wow! this was great~!

pikaboo said...
on Nov. 2 2009 at 6:10 pm
Absolutely wonderful, Cait. Gripping and thrilling - I couldn't look away from my monitor. I hope to read more from you soon. =)

joehempy said...
on Nov. 2 2009 at 6:09 pm
Very nice sis!! Very suspenseful and I like the drop of at the end it can go so many ways! Ill send it to my friends! love ya


CaitlinJean said...
on Nov. 2 2009 at 5:00 pm
I want to know what happened to her. I was sorta confused but it was really good. A lot of passion and emotions, I like that.

Caitlin SILVER said...
on Oct. 7 2009 at 10:06 am
Caitlin SILVER, Valrico, Florida
7 articles 4 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"My soul is not your concern."-from 'The Blood Confession' by Alisa M. Libby

Thank you so much for your comment. Yes, it was like Mary was loosing grip on reality. Please pass the word around about this story, thanks so much!

poertner said...
on Oct. 6 2009 at 11:08 pm
poertner, Norfolk, Virginia
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments
hum. . . its very iteresting, violent yet sober, kind of like losing grip of reality. the ending is very odd, i'd like to hear it continued

sweethearts said...
on Oct. 6 2009 at 8:19 am
this story is very good i actually enjoyed reading it. and i hate to read. the title was catchy and the story was aaaaammmmmaaaaazzzzzziiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you rock.

Caitlin SILVER said...
on Oct. 3 2009 at 6:49 pm
Caitlin SILVER, Valrico, Florida
7 articles 4 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"My soul is not your concern."-from 'The Blood Confession' by Alisa M. Libby

I don't know it I'll ever finish it. It started as in image in my head and the question,"Why?" Plus, i was going through a really bad time and I hope I never have to go back there.

caitieann said...
on Oct. 2 2009 at 11:12 am
Thank you so much for your comment on "Why, she Asked" it totally brightened my day :D

caitieann said...
on Oct. 2 2009 at 11:11 am
Thank you so much for the comment on "Why, she Asked" it really brightened up my day :D

on Sep. 27 2009 at 9:07 pm
Doublez3 BRONZE, Berkeley, California
3 articles 0 photos 4 comments
very nice. and well written

keep going

on Sep. 26 2009 at 4:02 pm
struck-by-llamas, Eureka, California
0 articles 16 photos 53 comments
Amazing. Don't stop here!