Philosophy of Life | Teen Ink

Philosophy of Life

September 18, 2012
By nolanje80 PLATINUM, Kalispell, Montana
nolanje80 PLATINUM, Kalispell, Montana
30 articles 19 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
“When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for a moment you can hardly breathe”
― John Mayer

I’m Jessica Leanne and the one thing that changed my life was moving to Kalispell Montana from Fresno California. This time last year, I was attending an intermediate school as an eager 8th grader. But at the same time I was getting over the fact that I was losing my dad.
Since I was 4 ½ years old, Anthony Wayne has been my father. Up until he began treating me differently then his own two children. Anthony was my mom’s second husband. And, actually, the reason why they started dating was…well…me! My mom had gotten into a car wreck recently and had had her car towed to the local auto shop. The technician, believe it or not, happened to be Tony. Back then, I was a social butterfly. And I had a nasty habit of talking to strangers. In fact, I had gotten in trouble for talking to the neighborhood creep just a few days before this happened. So, while he worked on fixing my mom’s tiny red Tempo, I told him “my whole life story” as my mom put it. He asked my mom if she would go see a movie with him and at first, she said “no”, but eventually changed her mind when she saw how good he was with me and other kids.

After they had been dating for a year, my mom came home from the doctor to tell her five year old daughter-me- that she was preggo with
baby number two, my soon to be new baby sister. Not long after that, my mom took those fateful steps down the aisle-for the second time.
They married and were happy. Four months later, along came a beautiful baby girl they named Morgan Lillie. Since the baby was here, Tony and my mo decided to pack everything and move up north. So we went from our tiny two bedroom apartment in Shoreline, to a four bedroom house in Oak Harbor. The gandparents that lived there spoiled morgan and I but had another one to spoil not too long after. Zachary David English was the apple of Tony’s eye. He was given a 4-wheeler for his third birthday. And spoiled more than any kid should be. But no matter how old or mature I got, I was still treated like an outcast.

This continued until I was 9. Then it got worse. It started off with no birthday parties, and getting toys taken away. He even made me pick out my favorite Barbie and bring it to him, just so he could drop it into the babies playpen so I couldn’t reach it. another time, he made me pack up all my toys into a cardboard box, just so they could be left in my room. He said it was so I could learn discapline so I could resist temptation. One time, when I got in trouble for not doing my chores, he took the door off it’s hinges. He also claimed that my room was now just an extension of the hallway. Then he let morgan and zack go in my room and to do whatever they want. After awhile of this unfair treatment, I snapped. I screamed at him for treating me differently. So he hit me. It soon becam e a habit for him that everytime I didn’t do my chores or I “talked back”, he would slap me.

It got so bad one time that my lip split in several places, my front top left tooth got chipped and my cheeks started bleeding on the inside of my mouth. The next day I got in trouble for trying to cover up my split lip with lipstick. So, his response was another slap across my face. He then pinned me up against a wall by my neck and told me that if I told anyone that he was hurting me, that I would get a beating like no other.

His next attempt at controlling me was military style. Everytime I “talked back” he would make me do 25 push ups. And any extra protest meant him adding another 25. Sometimes he made me do leg lifts for 5 minutes at a time. He then added another minute every time my heels touched the floor. Another time, he made me tell my family that I was a problem and I needed to learn discipline so I could learn to be a good person.

My mom couldn’t do anything about any of it because she has a disease called fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia causes chronic fatigue and everyday pain. So while she was in bed trying to sleep the pain away, Tony continued with is tyranny. Eventually she found out about all this and they talked. Not long after that, Tony filed for a divorce.

Since February of 2010, they have been stuck in a power struggle over who gets the kids. And on September 21, 2011, Tony won full custody of the kids, forcing them to move from California, with my mom, to Washington to live with their dad. But since the divorce was going on in November of last year, my mom sent me here to live with my dad so I didn’t have to deal with all the stress.

Overcoming all of this was a big deal for me. My friends, family and even enemies have helped me get through all of this. So to better myself and my future, I have reviewed my values, goals,heroes and how I want to be remembered.

The values I value most are:















And my top ten values are:
In one year, I want to be a successful sophmore that attends i.b. and honors classes.
In five years, I want to be attending Fresno state university.
In ten years, I want to be an elementary school teacher.
In fifty years, I want to be wealthy and retired.
My goals of becoming a teacher are compatable with my love of children and good education.
I respect my mother because even through these hard times, she has kept strong and supported herself and her 3 kids.
My hero is Amelia Earheart because she was the first woman to ever fly across the atlantic. She told herslef that she could do it, even through all the negative critisism.
My creed is the wiccan rede becaue it follows my religion and I believe that what it states is true.
Bide ye Wiccan laws you must,
In perfect love and perfect trust.
Live ye must and let to live,
Fairly take and fairly give.
Tread the circle thrice about
It keep unwelcome spirits out.
To bind ye spell well every time,
Let the spell be spake in rhyme.
Light of eye and soft of touch,
Speak ye little, listen much.
Honor the Old Ones in deed and name,
Let love and light be our guides again.
Doesil go by the waxing moon,
Sing and dance ye Wiccan Rune.
Widdershins go when the moon doth wane,
And the werewolf howls by the dread wolfsbane.
When ye Lady's moon is new,
Kiss ye hand to her times two.
When ye moon rides at her peak,
Then ye heart's desire seek.
Heed the north winds mighty gale,
Lock the door and trim the sail.
When the wind blows from the East,
Expect the new and set the feast.
When the wind comes from the South,
Love will kiss thee on the mouth.
When the West wind blows over thee,
Departed souls will restless be.
Nine woods 'neath the Cauldron go,
Burn them fast and burn them slow.
Birch into fire goes
To represent what the Lady knows.
Oak in the forest towers with might,
In the fire it brings the God's insight.
Rowan is a tree of power,
Causing life and magick to flower.
Willows at the waterside stand,
Ready to help us to the Summerland.
Hawthorn is burned to purify,
And to draw the faerie to thine eye.
Hazel, the tree of wisdom and learning,
Adds its strength to the bright fire burning.
White are the flowers of Apple tree,
That brings us fruits of fertility.
Grapes grow on the vine,
Giving us both joy and wine.
Fir does mark the evergreen
To represent immortality seen.
Elder is the Lady's tree;
Harm it not or cursed you'll be.
Four times the Major Sabbats mark,
Both in the light and in the dark.
As the old year starts to wane,
The new begin's - its now Samhain.
When the time for Imbolic shows,
Watch for flowers through the snows.
When the wheel begins to turn,
Soon ye Beltane fires will burn.
As the wheel turns to Lammas night,
Power is brought to magick rite.
Four times the Minor Sabbats fall;
Use the Sun to mark them all.
When the wheel hath turned to Yule,
Light the log the Horned One rules.
In the spring, when the night equals day,
'Tis time for Ostara to come our way.
When the Sun has reached its height,
'Tis time for Oak and Holly to fight.
Harvesting comes to one and all
When the Autumn Equinox does fall.
Heed the flower, bush and tree;
By the Lady blessed you'll be.
Where the rippling waters go,
Cast a stone, the truth you'll know.
When ye have and hold a need,
Harken not to others greed.
With a fool no season spend,
Or be counted as his friend.
Merry meet and Merry part,
Bright the cheeks and warm the heart.
When misfortune is enow,
Wear the star upon thy brow.
True in love ye must e'er be,
Lest thy love be false to thee.
Mind ye threefold law ye should,
Three times bad and three times good.
What ye send forth comes back to ye,
So ever mind the rule of three.
These eight words the wiccan rede fulfill;
An harm ye none, do what ye will.
Follow this with mind and heart,
And Merry ye meet and Merry ye part.
I want to be rememebered as a good friend, a (mostly) intelligant person, a good reader, a great writer and an amazing person.

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