self love | Teen Ink

self love

January 27, 2019
By yvnglupita SILVER, Sacramento, California
yvnglupita SILVER, Sacramento, California
8 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
"why live in your head when you can say it out loud"

“People will always spread rumors about you. People will always cause drama involving you, but the only thing you can do is rise above them and smile” - thegoodquote

Society judges society. We are society.  No one likes being judged. Why do we judge? Maybe to feel better, or to see a reaction, or maybe just to feel.The girl that's always full of energy and always has a smile on her face giving as much positivity as she can might be the same girl that has a fake smile because of the effects of a broken family.She might give off the best personality and have one of the brightest smiles you've ever seen but maybe she used to not getting any affection and wants no one to feel unloved like she is.

I relate to whoever that girl is.I've always been misjudged for a lot of reasons whether they were appearance or mental wise .Never had enough female friends to have sleepovers ,nail dates,talk about boys or even just an actual sister in the family.I had brothers ,I had boy hand-me-downs( like big basic t-shirts and pokemon playing cards with action figures from the latest cartoon).I never complained I loved that stuff because I never had anything to compare it to and it was the things that made me happy and closer to my brothers.It was good as it could get for me.

December came and my parents split so that meant new school! Yay me.First day and I could already feel the hate and eyes all over me .The girls were not so welcoming ,especially this group of girls ,lets call them the Bratz.So the Bratz were your typical mean girls that wore an insane amount of pink , wore shiny mini handbags and could easily ruin your school year by telling everyone the most absurd thing they can think of . Everyone knew what they said was fake but hey they didn't want to be the next target so went along and laughed I always thought to myself, how pathetic.Anyways me being me I loved sports and when recess came ,oh the good days ,I would play soccer or get any type of ball and later the boys will join and we’ll have a game.

After recess was over and the bell rang this boy came upto me and said,

“You’re very pretty and can kick a ball like no other”,he smiled.

“Thank you”,I was very confused because I never gotten a compliment from anyone before but it felt good and made me feel normal.

“She’s still a dyke that smells like a trash can”

Everyone laughed but I didn’t care.It was thursday and a rainy day which meant we had p.e in the gym playing DODGEBALL!!I was living ,how can I pass up an opportunity to hit the girls that are mean to me and not get in trouble.When p.e was over I collected the balls and gave em to the teacher and i asked to go to the bathroom.While I was in there a few moments later the Bratz came and other girls followed in.I was so heartbroken that day.I couldn’t believe what I heard, especially from girls I stood up for.They called me a trans , dyke ,skeleton, ugly, lowlife, tryhard , psychopath, weird and goth.They left and tears started to drip from my face .My heart felt like an arrow was shot through it. My legs felt like mush and I was defeated, they did it ,they broke me into this insecure person that kept their head down as everyone laughed about.I passed out in the bathroom and when they came to pick me up the next day and the next years at school I was the outcast. I’ve faked being happy because home was already unsatisfying.Now no place was ,and my mind was so focused on being liked and fit in that when I seen no one was with me I broke down .Anxiety and depression started to pile up on me at a young age I did things that I now regret because I hurt myself.But I didn’t even want to live in a place where everywhere I went I was judged and looked at the weird girl that cuts herself. The girl that has split parents and lives in the worst apartments.The girl that smelled bad because her mom couldn’t afford the water bill. They didn’t know that but I did I lived it .The humiliation was horrible from grade school to 9th grade.

High school came and that summer I started working with my uncles .Anything to bring money.My mom finally got a stable job and my brothers gave us money .Things started to come up and I had extra money to I started to buy myself things .

“Finally”,I said bowing my head down, “thank you God.”

Society judges .Being judged is inevitable and it can either make or break you. Fortunately I had both.I learned a person can attack you for being yourself not knowing a thing about you and if you let them ,they can break you.However I also learned you can choose if they get to do that.You can easily smile and laugh they took time out of their day to talk about you .THEY LOVE YOU OKAY !I learned it takes a long time to understand the meaning behind loving yourself with your flaws .The journey has it ups and downs but along the way you make memories you will never forget and the destination is a superpower you hold that makes you indestructible because you know who you are and you know your worth.

The author's comments:

something worth writing for.

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