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Bottled Up In Love
A first love is hard to forget. It can change your entire life. But the mistake that so many people make, is letting it change them.
When I got into my first serious relationship, I was honestly the happiest I had ever been in my life. He and I did everything together. We listened to music, took long walks in the park, and stayed up all night on the phone. He would walk me to class everyday, and kiss me goodbye. I even got to know his family, and we became really close.
It was the most amazing feeling, to know that someone loved you. That they went to sleep thinking about you and woke up in the morning excited to see you, to know that you always had someone there for you.
However, cloud nine did not last long. Things quickly began to change as we started fighting. He wanted me to spend all of my time with him, leaving no room for anything else.
My friends had confronted him about being too possessive of me. I never had time for them anymore. He told me that they were not good friends for me, and that I needed to stop talking to them. My automatic reaction was not to listen because they were my best friends. How could I stop talking to them?
I tried explaining that they were just angry, but he wouldn't listen. When he would see me with them, he would become upset and end up in tears.
While this was happening, my group of friends were left confused. They had no idea why I was ignoring them, and so they took their anger out on him. They would shout names to him in the hallways, and give him dirty looks whenever they saw him.
I was literally torn in half. No one should ever have to be put in the position where you have to chose between the two most important things in your life.
In a relationship there should be room to breathe, room to be yourself and make your own choices. If you hold on too tight, they are going to pull away. It's like holding sand. If you let it rest on your palm, it will stay, but if you squeeze your hand, the sand slips out through your fingers.
I found myself hiding in my classrooms for fear that he might be watching me talk to my friends. When I was in the hallways I would try to avoid them, so that they wouldn't come say 'Hi' and make him mad.
Left and right I was told that my relationship was unhealthy and that I needed to end it, but I was so convinced that he would change and things would go back to the way they were. I loved him too much to say goodbye, even thought I knew it was hurting me.
Every time that I did something he didn't like, he would guilt trip me until he got his way. Being the kind of person I am and wanting to make him happy, I listened.
I cried myself to sleep at night. It was miserable having to get up every morning and come to school just to face this again.
No one could see through my eyes. They couldn't see that I was capable of having both; friends and boyfriend. For them, it was one or the other.
Things only got worse, and everyone could tell. It was the day that he broke into my house looking for me, but saw my mom sitting at the kitchen table that changed everything.
My parents had a restraining order placed on him, meaning that he could not come within 50 feet of me, or he would be arrested.
You don't know how hard it was walking down the hallway, seeing him and knowing that I could not go up to him. I was heartbroken.
There comes a time in life where you have to make the decision, whether to do what makes others happy or to do what makes yourself happy.
I thought that by making him happy, in return I would be happy too, but that's not the way it works.
Any love that is meant to be will work out in the end, but you cannot let it control your life. You have to take care of yourself first and then worry about others.
Love will all come into play if you can do this.
A relationship can change your life, but never ever let it change you.