2036 - The Apocalypse | Teen Ink

2036 - The Apocalypse

August 20, 2014
By Fulksam88, Columbia City, Indiana
Fulksam88, Columbia City, Indiana
0 articles 0 photos 0 comments


THis piece is not yet finished, but will be if encouraged to write more

Samantha F.

2036 - The Apocalypse

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on Aug. 24 2014 at 3:07 pm
real_saxman BRONZE, Broomfield, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 8 comments
It's an interesting story. The characters seem genuine and the dialogue is sound. However, I don't know why you had so many spaces in between each paragragh. I don't believe it's gramatically correct, but I'm not sure. I think it's worth looking into. If for some reason skipping multiple lines is acceptable in the world of literature, you should carry that style throughout your writting. I noticed on the third page you went back to fairly normal spacing. The sentence, The Virus has gone viral again, (please don't quote me on that) has sort of a dramatic realization and I believe you intended it to be that way. However, the word "viral" has two definitions. One is, by nature of a virus, the second is to describe a video or picture spreading throughout the internet. Since, the reader already know The Virus is, in fact, and such a thing couldn't spread through the internet. I think you should use another word, "widespread" for example. You're the author, its your decision. Also, I learned from a great author (Stephen King in his book, "On writing) that you should take out anything that isn't necessary when advancing your plot. It's helpful in cleaning up bits and pieces of boring paragraphs that your readers really wouldn't want to read anyway. In your story, the paragraphs describing the origin of your virus might be considered as such. Though its back story, it doesn't advance the plot whatsoever and I had a sort of "Who cares?" moment. It's my suggestion that you take that part out altogether. Again, you're the author, you make the final decision. Don't think your writing is bad because of this. Think of it as means for great potential. Every author, myself included, as well as many of the famous ones, have gone through that same process. It's necessary for a good story. "There is no great writing, only great rewriting." (Justice Brandeis) Thank you for your post.