One Quiet Whisper | Teen Ink

One Quiet Whisper

January 18, 2011
By RoseOzera BRONZE, Sandy, Utah
RoseOzera BRONZE, Sandy, Utah
3 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness."
"We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves."
"Silence is sometimes the best answer"
"Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive"
Dalai Lama


Fransiska is starting her new life, in a new country, with new dreams. In America, she meets Duane. Strong, handsome, romantic Duane. together they explore their new found love, and being a new life together.


One Quiet Whisper

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This book has 9 comments.

on Nov. 10 2011 at 10:08 am
MIGHTY HUNTER!! the creator commends you!!! ^.^

on Nov. 8 2011 at 8:10 pm
i love this story! you could definately make this into a full blown novel and i would read it and own a hardback copy!

Marlene said...
on Feb. 3 2011 at 7:36 pm
Wow!! I had no idea you had such a talent.  Now I can say I am related to a PUBLISHED author!  I enjoyed reading it.

Mark said...
on Jan. 31 2011 at 7:59 pm
Thanks for posting Amanda!  Keep on writing!

lgardner2112 said...
on Jan. 27 2011 at 4:15 pm
I really loved this book.  Brilliantly written and full of emotion.  I really liked the title too.  Good job!

Katie said...
on Jan. 22 2011 at 12:52 pm
this is sooooo good!!! i am amazed! with a masterpiece like this, you could make it big XD

(Summ)one ;) said...
on Jan. 21 2011 at 6:32 pm
Wow this is good. I'm jealous right now.. The only serious story I ever wrote I threw away becuase it was REALLY bad :/

Alex Kearns said...
on Jan. 21 2011 at 1:56 pm

Overall this was a good short story to read.  Full of emotion at every turn of the page.  Few things to consider:

1.) Make sure you spell/grammar/punctuation check.  Some qotation marks were missing and at one point I found a random backslash.

2.) One thing that was really getting to me was the fact that it was jumping around alot.  It would be a better reading experience to your audience if you kept your story like a flowing river with no rapids.  Nice and smooth transitions.

3.) With all of the years passing thorugh the story, I feel like there might have been a few important details that were left out.  Holes that need to be filled up with sand, not dirt.

4.) There are a few spots that you need to clear up.  There are points where details come a little late or are never really developed/explained.

As I said, this story could really make a great book if you expand on the idea and add in some extra details.  Food for thought:

When you introduce a new character or a scene, describe them right then and there.  Don't wait to tell what they look like.  Also describe every aspect to it...even down to every blade of grass if you need to.

Expand on your ideas.  This is where you can let your mind run a little bit.  Don't leave one idea hanging.  Finish it and use a good transistion to change between different events in the story.  Read your story and think about "Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How".

And last, one of the most important thing to help you out with this would be to share it with people.  As more and more people read it, you will get different views and ideas from different perspectives.

Keep at it and don't stop. :D

Meggy said...
on Jan. 21 2011 at 12:30 pm
absolutly amazing! i love this with all my heart, and i can relate to this.