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Don't Freak, But I Might Be a God
You’re probably thinking “Okay, he’s probably gonna tell us something ridiculous and untrue, so I shouldn't read THIS blog”. I have two reactions to that:
1. I don’t expect you to believe it, or read it.
2. I am hoping that, with this blog, some people will see themselves in these texts and know the truth about themselves before it’s too late.
I can’t tell you my real name, or my friends’ names or where any of us live. I can’t even tell you the favorite colors of my 3 brothers. But I can tell you this: life is definitely not what you thought it was.
Hopefully, now, that sentence at the top is not in your thoughts. If it still is, your obviously not one of us. If you were, you’d be thinking about all the weird things that have happened to you and thinking that maybe, just maybe, this guy has the answers. If you’re thinking that, keep reading.
From here out I shall use codenames for my friends, colleagues and family. Here are the ones you need to know for now:
I’m going to be known as Croc.
Hammy is my best friend or partner in crime.
Kitty is my crush.
Morbid is my other good friend.
My older brother is known as Wind.
My second youngest brother is Earth
And my youngest brother is Fire.
This is where the “Okay, don’t freak out…” comes in. My name is Croc and I lived in a small town codenamed “Queenacre” in a place codenamed “Ski-Moose”. I lived there with my 3 brothers: Wind is my older brother, who is, by now, 19, I’m 16 currently, Earth is 10 (almost eleven now, I’d guess), Fire, would be 7. My parents, well they really don’t play a huge role in my past, or at least the 13 years I had lived with them.
I went to the little public school 6 houses down from us: Queenacre Middle/Elementary School. The school work was fairly easy for me, but I usually just held everything off till the last moment, like the Egyptian god essay, assigned two weeks ago, that I probably should have been working on... but that's a different story.
The particular day that the Event happened, was an after school soccer-game between Queenacre and Startkilo, another school in the district. I personally didn't play soccer, but was cheering on the girls’ team, who were playing at the moment. That's when I saw Kitty for the first time, and the experience made me drop my favorite hat.
She was tall and lithe, with amber eyes, long, golden brown hair and, even from afar, had an amazing smile. She was wearing a wind-jacket and simple jeans. But what caught my eye was her hat: a Rastafarian color hat to be precise. For some weird reason, I don't know why, I'd always loved Rastafarian colors.
At the time, I had no idea who she was. Then, Morbid came up behind me, "Hey man, what are you starin' at?" he asked.
"Who is that chick with the Rastafarian hat?" I asked, still unable to tear my eyes from the girl, even to give a greeting to Morbid.
"Aaahh, that's Kitty Dubland, she goes to Startkilo." He replied as she walked past us, obviously absorbed in her own thoughts.
"Kitty, you have a rockin' hat!" I say, the words spilling out before I could stop them.
She turns, surprised, and replies with a loud "Thanks man!"
But that wasn't all the crazy stuff that happened. As I turned back to the game, still thinking about the girl with the hat, Morbid laughed.
"As I was admiring the insane blush covering your face, I was noticing something else: weren't your ears a lot bigger then that?"
He was right. I felt my ears, which were known for their size, and sure enough, they were smaller. Even still, they were shrinking, slowly but surely.
"Also" he added as an after thought, "You have something on your face."
Oh, more then just something on my face. I had what felt like scales on the side of my face, multiplying quickly. I ran into the woods, my face burning and my skull feeling like someone was smashing it from the inside. I could feel all the hair on my head receding back into my skull, my eyebrow ridges becoming more sharply prominent and my eyes moving away from each other, to the sides of my now elongating face. I then passed out.
What I now know was around a half hour later, I awoke to the sounds of screaming fans as the final winning goal was scored. I felt my face, which was still sore. I jumped to my feet, ran to the nearest puddle and jumped a mile.
My body was still human, no doubt that that scrawny body was mine, but I was dressed in loose-fitting, white pajama-like clothes and my head, well my head was not human: it was a crocodile head. Granted I couldn't see below my face very well, but that only put the fact in stone because crocodile eyes are on the sides of there heads! My jaw was permanently slack, as all crocodiles’ mouths are, which probably would have made me feel idiotic if I hadn't been scared of my own reflection.
I ran through the woods, hoping that my head would turn back to normal and obsessively feeling my face. Just then I ran into what was definitely a girl. But, when I looked around to see whom I had smashed into, I saw something just as bizarre as myself: a girl, wearing the same clothes as I was, with a beige cat head.
Cat-girl let out a surprised hiss as I screamed and we ran past each other, tripping and stumbling through the woods. My head was burning again, the pain seemed to be the opposite of the pain before: hair sprouting out and my face being smashed back to normal.
I stumbled back to the game, and sure enough, my face had returned to normal as the Queenacre girls came off the field, congratulating each other. Morbid was walking toward me, holding something behind his back, as he argued with my best friend, Hammy. It was weird, the tall, skinny and dark Morbid, walking next to Hammy, who was cheerful, broad shouldered and fairly short.
Hammy was my best friend in all of Queenacre. Yet, we were polar opposites: he loves football, steaks and video games/T.V, I hate sports, am vegan and love reading/writing. However, we were both extremely loud, full of ourselves and, well, outcasts. Though, I was an outcast because I was too smart to get with any group, even the geeks, Hammy was obnoxious and not the smartest person on Earth (OW Hammy! No need to hit! You know it's true!).
"Croc!" Hammy yelled, jogging up to me "What happened? I left to go get candy from the concession stand, and when I get back, this death-head is telling me you ran into the woods. And where the hell did you get those ridiculous clothes?" He asked, chuckling at my linen pajamas.
"You're one to talk! Who are you, Ultra-Viking Boy?" I said, laughing myself.
Hammy was dressed in a double breast-plate too big for him, a huge red cape, black and gold boots and, the crown jewel: a silver viking helmet with wings instead of horns. Morbid, who had just walked up, was wearing a huge black robe that swept the ground and was still carrying something behind his back.
"Morbid? What do you have behind your back?" I ask, moving around to his back.
"Nothing." He replies, swiftly moving away from me. But, that's why Hammy is my partner in crime. As Morbid moved away from me, he collided into Hammy, who grabbed something short, wooden and flat-ended from Morbid.
Hammy smirked "A canoe oar, really?" It was indeed a canoe oar, made of black wood, it’s dull surface murky even in the evening sunlight that filtered through the blanket of fall clouds.
"Why would you want to hide THAT?" I ask, snickering, but Morbid was staring at the oar like it had 6 heads.
"It wasn't a canoe oar, it was a-" But his sentence was cut off by Kitty Dubland stumbling out of the woods, wearing the same weird clothes as I was. She stared at me, taking in my clothes with a look of mingled shock and horror, and ran away. As she ran, she was constantly smashing into people and her long, golden brown hair was flying out from behind her...
Wait, where was her hat? I searched the ground around myself, in the place where I had last seen her. Sure enough, her Rastafarian hat was lying on the ground. I checked the tag, which said that the hat had been made by Re-god Discovery, Inc. I definitely recognized that name.
I went over to the place where I had been standing when I had first seen Kitty. My hat, a black, hexagonal flat brim which had been signed by the members of Linkin Park, was sitting in the grass where I had dropped it. Just as I had thought, the hat also had been made by Re-god Discovery, Inc. Strange, the only people I had seen with Re-god Discovery products were Hammy, who had dog tags made by them, and Morbid, whose sneakers were Re-god products. Odd.
A car horn honks behind me, pulling me out of my trance. My mom had just pulled up, and was gesturing for me to get in the car. Hammy gave me an unconvincing pat on the back, clearly thinking hard, and mumbled something about hanging out tomorrow. Morbid gave me a curt nod and walked away towards the Queenacre girls soccer team.
I ran to the car, stuffing Kitty's hat into my pocket and smashing my own onto my head. I hopped into the car, barely having any time to think before we got home. My mom immediately told me to go finish my Egyptian Gods History essay, which was due Monday. I figured I had to now, if I wanted to hang out with Hammy tomorrow.
I walked into my room that I share with my older brother Wind, seeing that he’s using his own laptop, chuckling at something that was probably Facebook. I scowled: of COURSE he got his OWN laptop. I, on the other hand, pulled out my school-issued, website-blocking laptop.
I immediately checked for block-relapses (allowing things like Facebook, Damn! Lol, etc.), but no luck. Fine, I'll have to actually do the paper.
Hmmm...I'll search Egyptian Gods. Crap, 19,200,000 hits. Oh well, it’s gonna be a loooong night. I decided on the third hit, the Wikipedia page for Egyptian Gods.
Lots of gods and goddesses, with obscure spheres of power and strange names. Like, what kind of a name is Wadjet? And Serqet? What was she, goddess of computers? No, neither of them will work.
What about this guy... Shu? He seemed cool, god of the air and all. He does seem kind of mean though, keeping his two kids apart, even though they were together. (Yeah, I’ve basically got over the incest in ancient mythologies).
Ok, so he’s god of the wind, father of Nut and Geb, and son of...
Ahh! not SHU! Horrible idea! His creation is just....uh! EW!
So, new god. Ra? No, everyone’s gonna do him. How about Isis? No, again too famous. Hmm... how about Thoth? He seems pretty cool, and he was born, not....not even gonna say it...like Shu.
So yeah, Thoth. God of wisdom, writing and magic, awesome. Tongue and heart of Ra? Coolio. Sacred animals?
Nah, I don’t really want to write an entire essay about a magic bird-guy who loves colorful-butt-monkeys.
Sobek? Ooh, I like that name. Powerful, tough-sounding and rolls off the tongue.
For now, I won’t try very hard, just get the basics down. Then I'll add some REAL meat on the bones.
For my Egyptian God report, I have chosen Sobek, god of the great Nile River of Egypt.
Sobek was known as a powerful and frightening god, and being associated with the most feared animal in Egypt, crocodiles, only multiplied his frightening demeanor.
Since he was God of the Nile, the main source for resources in Egypt, he was one of the most worshipped gods in all of Egypt. It is even said, in some Egyptian creation tales, that Sobek rose from the waters of Chaos, and created the world.
Sobek, having crocodiles as his sacred animals, was often depicted with the usual Egyptian linen clothes, with the head of a crocodile...
“Hold on!” I said out loud.
“What?” Wind replied irritably, looking up from his laptop screen.
“Oh nothing.” I mumbled, trying to conceal the look of shock on my face.
Wait? Crocodile head? I thought, remembering the frightening trip into the woods, and glimpsing my own reflection.
“Dude, seriously, what’s up?” he asks, getting up, walking over and turning the computer around to face him.
“Egyptian gods? What’s so “Hold on!” about that? Wait, isn’t this that essay do Monday?” he says, smirking.
“Yeah it’s due Monday, you got a problem with that?” I push him and pull the computer back to me as he flops onto his bed with a disinterested “Whatever dude.”
Crocodiles.....it can’t be a coincidence. I gotta talk to Hammy, he’ll know what to do.
I close the computer, too lost in thought to even consider writing a paper. The last thoughts to entertain my mind are of crocodiles gods, and how I never ate dinner...
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