The R.A.M's Columns: To The Moon! | Teen Ink

The R.A.M's Columns: To The Moon!

May 10, 2021
By RichardAlanMorris GOLD, Ventnor, New Jersey
RichardAlanMorris GOLD, Ventnor, New Jersey
12 articles 0 photos 1 comment

To the Moon!

If your country use different kinds of currency, whether it was dollars, pounds, or yens, well here is something that look interesting for many aliens and astronauts. You see, SpaceX announced that it will launch the mission "DOGE-1 Mission to the Moon" in the first quarter of next year, with Elon Musk’s commercial rocket company accepting the meme-inspired cryptocurrency dogecoin as payment. It was sweet to name the mission after a beautiful dog, something that we respect. Even though, aliens must greet these people for going to another planet. It's like when you arrived in another planet and you see two aliens chilling down on the field while drinking some smoothies. As you know, SpaceX has launch another mission to space, but this time... to the moon. Everyone should remember the Apollo 11 mission with Armstrong and how he land on the moon with his legendary line, but what if Musk himself set himself on the moon? Is he going to collect elements? Is he going to meet the aliens? Is he bringing in 200 Tesla Rovers to the moon? What does many country react? There is no reaction. At least people were scared after that explosion in the Indian Ocean by the Chinese rocket. So what is new? Are we going to start another Space Race? Well, we were in battle with China over that controversial 5G internet, but if China copy our plan, then we would go back to the 1950s. Musk said on Twitter in April that SpaceX was going to put a "literal Dogecoin on the literal moon". Well, this come after his performance on Saturday Night Live, with his symptoms and rumors about the mission that sent us back to the Cold War days. Honestly, his performance was cringy and I don't know whether I'll watch the whole episode or not. Since then, Dogecoin was dropped more than third of its price. If there is a Wall Street located on another planet, then there will be a Great Depression for aliens. Dogecoins is now officially a currency, but what if Australia or New Zealand decided to change the currency from Australian dollars/pounds to just Dogecoins for cash? The prime ministers would be impressed.

When Musk became CEO of Tesla, he was thinking about the future of Earth. We were thinking about global warming and space invaders planned to destroy Earth like the scene from Independence Day. Well, when he announced that he will become the host of SNL, Dogecoin was decreased by 10% of its value. And now, SpaceX accept dogecoin as payment to launch a new space mission next year. We would've wait until the next manned mission to Mars, but they decided "Hmmm, yes. How about we hire someone to land on the moon while we were busying building our first space hotel?" America is filled with new technologies, so I believe that SpaceX and Tesla will continue to produce new things similar to other production. This is the 21st century version of the Industrial Revolution. Unfortunately, the only problem is the value cost. For many years, values and wages was increased by 25% stakes. And during the COVID-19 pandemic, the value was increased by 75%. Elon Musk was the 2nd richest person in the world, but creating a new project would cost more than $500 billion, including the spaceship and its creation. Imagine if Musk became the world first "Trillionare", which worth $1.2 trillion, then Mr. Bezos will take action by taking a sword fight with him. So here is the solution: Musk was planning to make the first mannned mission to the moon since the Apollo 11. Before that, they accept Dogecoin as a currency. So I think that many aliens will use it as a currency for Mars and other planets. It's a shame that the black hole will not be interested in swallowing it. But my concern is that what will happened if SpaceX failed to land on the moon? Back in Apollo 11, the spaceship has a few problem with the engine. The engine was malfunctioning, meaning that the gravity will break loose. Despite all of that, the spaceship managed to land. Armstrong step foot on the planet and made that legendary line. Hopefully, SpaceX will do the same, but this time, they want to make it different. Next time, they were thinking of bringing in robots to the moon. These aliens would've noticed.

Prisoners & Recycling

After the heatwave ended this week and we all went back into hibernation, every single park in the land was covered in a foot-deep blanket of litter. And I wasn’t in the least bit surprised. Every single day, on the scenic road that goes through my farm, people pull up in a gateway, have their lunch and then, before driving off to resume their day, lob all the packaging out of the window. I’d love to know what goes through their heads when they do this, and fervently wish it was a bullet. Because what do they think will happen to the plastic and the cans they leave behind? That it’ll be cleared away by the fairies? That it’s somehow someone else’s job to clear up after them? Actually, a couple of weeks ago, I met two elderly volunteers who were out in their Columbia vests clearing litter from the verges. But now it’s as though they were never there. Because the mountain of empty Pepsi cans, candy bars, and plastic wraps is back. I have argued many times that the death penalty is barbaric and that it should not be used in a civilised country. However, an exception should be made for people who drop litter. They should be taken behind the nearest bush and bludgeoned to death. No trial. No last words. Just instant death. In fact, if I were in charge, I’d go further and hand out death penalties to the boss of any company that uses unnecessary packaging.

The CEO of Gillette would be human landfill by morning, that’s for sure. I’m told, however, that killing people for being antisocial is not allowed for some reason so now I’ve come up with another idea. By which I mean I’ve nicked someone else’s. Two years ago, a councillor in Camden County wrote to the Secretary of State for the Environment of New Jersey, asking why prisoners could not be made to clear up litter strewn alongside other major counties. He was told his idea was a “joke”. But I can’t see why. Yes, people may be inclined to drop litter if they think a burglar will be along later in the day to clear it up. But people are inclined to drop litter even when they KNOW it won’t be cleared up at all. We have to accept that thousands, if not millions, of people in this country are not proud of it and don’t want to keep it tidy. We also have to accept that councils don’t have enough money to do the job. And that there simply aren’t enough volunteers to cope. So yes, let’s bring out the prisoners, chain them together and tell them to crawl up and down the side of the road on their hands and knees picking up all the litter and the condoms and the dirty nappies and the used tampons. Occasionally, they may even find a half-eaten biscuit and a drop or two of Red Bull, which can be their lunch.

My Life During Lockdown: 2020

We've all seen The Shawshank Redemption so we will all remember the plight of gentle old Brooks, the librarian who couldn’t cope with life on the outside and hanged himself. I wonder if it will be like that for us, when we are finally allowed out. Like most people, I’ve been well behaved these past four weeks. During the start of the pandemic, I haven’t made unnecessary journeys, I’ve kept my distance when delivery ­drivers have come to the door and I’ve spent my evenings watching so many box sets that I’m now down to re-runs of Wife Swap. Every morning I drive into the village for snacks and milk. Margate is only three miles away but I’ve forgotten what it looks like. Atlantic City? Philadelphia? New York? That's just somewhere on the news. And here’s the funny thing. I’m getting used to it. More than that. I’m starting to enjoy it. I haven’t had a shave for a while. I’m wearing a shirt that makes me look like Winnie The Pooh. I’m living on a diet that contains 200 calories a month, which at this time of year is nothing, and Peanut Butter Sandwiches. I may have a CapriSun shortly, even though it’s only midday, but I rather drink Kool-Aid instead of that. This is the lifestyle I dreamed about when I was a kid. Good thing I don't have a farm or a barn so I could forced to feed the animals. Ordinarily I go to a lot of online meetings, but I’m starting to realise that getting dressed up and driving a razor round my face and sorting a bus is an enormous amount of effort. And for what? So I can spend a few hours talking to people I don’t know or like. I also used to love going to the pub, but now I’m thinking, “Why drink standing up when I can stay at home and drink sitting down?”

And think how much better life is when we don’t have to buy clothes. No need to get undressed in an overheated cubicle so you can try on a pair of trousers that do nothing but remind you you’re getting fat. And no need to spend 20 minutes at the till while the shop assistant insists you hand over your e-mail address so her bosses can spend the next hundred years carpet-bombing your computer with offers on things you don’t need. That’s what this lockdown has taught me most of all. I don’t really need very much. Wifi. Electricity. Foods. And that’s about it. It was my mother's birthday last weekend and all year I’d been planning a party to celebrate. In the end though, I spent a day in the sunshine with my children and I could not have been happier. I’m actually scared, then, of what will happen when normal service is resumed. Because I’ll be expected to pick up where I left off. And I’m not sure I want that. I may end up chiselling “Richard was here” into a beam and doing a Shawshank. I just hope nobody else is feeling this way. Because someone has to keep the chips and the bag sets coming. And for that to happen, the world needs a thriving economy. And for that, we all need to come out of this lockdown like Exocet missiles, determined like never before to earn as much money as possible. And then spend it like there’s no tomorrow.

Central Coast: Australia's Next Big City

Let me be clear. Australia is home to one of the most beautiful and weirdest things that were made there. They have ducks with hair (Platypus), a creature with a child in its purse (Kangaroo), and the biggest cow the world has ever seen (Knickers; 1,400 kg). But the most important thing Australia has done: Cities. You see, many people around Asia want to go to Australia. It's safer and more secure. Even though, Australia has better police laws than America. Australia is Australia. Vegemite and the Outback. It's funny of how Australia refers Mcdonald's as "Macca's" which is weird because Australia is the America of the weirdness. I got to admit, Australia is a beautiful country, and I love it. But the thing is that Australia build the city near the coast rather than in the desert. We are fine building cities in the desert. Look at Phoenix and Las Vegas. Those are some big cities that were located in the desert. Anyway, I heard of few cities that became so popular since then. Sydney is a sister cities with San Francisco. Adelaide is a sister cities with Austin. Melbourne is a sister cities with Boston. There is a lot of sister cities between Australia and the United States. But there is one city that would later become the future largest city in Australia. I'm not talking about Sydney, ok? I don't want to talk about the history, or the landmarks, or crickets or the Australian Football League that look similar to the NFL. I am talking about the city I was interested as my new home. I would've rather pick Colombia or the Canary Island, but I rather go somewhere safe. You see, Australia is filled with coastal cities, so I was thinking "If I play Cities Skyline and make a city that look similar to Sydney and New Haven, then I create a city that look similar to a racing game." Speaking of which, I am talking about the city... of Central Coast

So what was it like in Central Coast. Well, it was nicknamed "Surfers Paradise" which sounds familiar to the city from Forza Horizon 3. For perspective, if you live in Australia, let's say Sydney, and there is a lot of crimes that were made by the government, move to somewhere safe. Move to a paradise that look similar to the one in Fort Lauderdale with all the beaches, and skyscrapers, and cyclones. Central Coast is like a mixture between Dubai and New Haven. If you own a house in the city, you are welcomed by a Australian Jay Gatsby. No wonder many people in Central Coast is so rich. They own a mansion, own a supercar, and has a swimming pool in a swimming pool. I wonder whether Chris & Liam Hemsworth will own the house together. I wish I can own a house with my brother, I don't care. According to the Australian chart, Central Coast became the 5th safest city in the country. 5TH! We're not in Ventnor which it became the top 10 safest cities in South Jersey. We're not in Connecticut where New Haven and New London became the safest. Even though it is the safest state in the country, according to NBC Connecticut. But anyway, the reason why I pick this article is because I want to make details about Central Coast. I was wondering whether Central Coast became the largest city in Australia. Sydney's population was decreased by 20% every month, due to taxes, government, and the pandemic. And Central Coast has the lowest crime rate in the country. If you wondering, if you want to know some interesting facts about Australia, you will be thinking:

A. Australia's population is around 25.36 million people

B. It's home to one of the most weirdest war of all time (Emu War)

C. Produced some of the best cars everyone never heard of (Holden, HSV, etc.)

So for that, Central Coast is going to be a future city. Yes, there is a lot of rich people who were came from America and Europe, but trust me, many low-incomers should move somewhere in the suburb. If you were thinking of moving to Dubai or Miami and start thinking about booking a hotel, DON'T. It's too expensive. Being in Manhattan is also expensive. We don't want to go and stay in the hotel that cost more than my brother's college tuition. It's insane. So I believe that if we bring more people to the Central Coast, then I think that the city population will increased by nearly 50%. That's the same rate as people moving to Miami or Atlanta. Don't believe me, Central Coast is clearly a coastal city.


The author's comments:

Many people want to go to the moon, but there is only one.


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