On the mountain | Teen Ink

On the mountain

May 23, 2014
By raysofsunshine GOLD, Lakebay, Washington
raysofsunshine GOLD, Lakebay, Washington
17 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's not about the happy ending, it's about the story."


We climb the mountain,

our feet sinking into the snow

as it glistens with each shining

ray of sun.


Icicles drip from tree branches from the heat of the sun.

I gaze up at the mountain,

the top covered with snow.


Thawing out our hands we stand in the snow,

warmed by the sun.

Up above us lies the top of the mountain.


The sun shines as we stand on the mountain, covered in snow.


The author's comments:
I was inspired to write this when my family and I went hiking together on a mountain, it was covered in snow and the sun was shining, it looked really beautiful and I wanted my readers to be able to see that imagery and feel as if the too were on top of that mountain.

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This article has 8 comments.


AeM GOLD said...
on Apr. 8 2018 at 11:12 pm
AeM GOLD, Gainesville, Florida
11 articles 5 photos 39 comments
Hey, I just saw you asking people to read your poem in the comment section of a different poem. I know its been 4 years but you're really talented!

on Jun. 2 2014 at 6:56 pm
raysofsunshine GOLD, Lakebay, Washington
17 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's not about the happy ending, it's about the story."

Thank you so much everyone for your comments on the poem! If you could get others to read and rate this poem I would be really grateful! I'm trying to get published in the magazine and I would love to get more opinions on this peice if possible. I will be sure to read, rate, and write comments on all of your poems as well if I have not done so already. Thank you once again for you feedback, it means alot!

on Jun. 2 2014 at 9:12 am
PoetryGirl96 PLATINUM, Ramsey, Illinois
40 articles 0 photos 8 comments
I captured every part of the poem and felt it as if it was reality. i loved the discriptiveness of this poem! keep up the good work!! =)

on Jun. 1 2014 at 9:07 pm
GingerMonk PLATINUM, Lowell, Michigan
20 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity..."
-Edgar Allen Poe

Fantastic imagery. My only criticism is the same as the other two although it's hard to tell whether a poet sometimes uses repetition as a tool or as a bad habit. It can easily be both, but this is quite good.

on Jun. 1 2014 at 2:24 pm
raysofsunshine GOLD, Lakebay, Washington
17 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's not about the happy ending, it's about the story."

Thank you so much for your feedback! I do agree that the words were repetitive. We did an assignment in my creative writing class and this was my tritina. My teacher told us that we had to repeat 3 words at the end of the lines at each of the 3 stanzas. But I think I might change this up a bit, thank you so much for reading it!

on Jun. 1 2014 at 9:37 am
WOWriting SILVER, Broadstairs, Other
5 articles 0 photos 266 comments
I really like this descriptive piece. It's very clear and draws you in and my only critisizm is like WinterRose, i thought it was a bit repetitive. Still like it tho :)

on May. 30 2014 at 12:24 am
Beautiful imagery.  I felt like I was on the mountain with you.  Inspires me to go hiking. Great work!!

on May. 29 2014 at 8:58 pm
WinterRose76 SILVER, Ok., Florida
6 articles 6 photos 183 comments

Favorite Quote:
Arise and be all that you dream - Flyleaf

I like how descriptive your poem is. As I was reading, I felt like I was there too! The word "snow" was alittle repetitive, but maybe you did that for emphasis. Whatever the case, I enjoyed it!