Ocean | Teen Ink

Ocean

July 5, 2021
By SparrowSun ELITE, X, Vermont
SparrowSun ELITE, X, Vermont
158 articles 22 photos 921 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It Will Be Good." (complicated semi-spiritual emotional story.)
And the words I say most often: "Where was I?"
"I just switched 50 things to anonymus and it doesnt even make a diff- why was i writing this again? where was i? hm.... oh well."


Stormy sea beating constant

Lapping at my sanity 

Crashing against my thin walls

Walls encasing a maze

And I don't know which way to turn

And I don't know who I can trust right now

I can't even pray

Everything rushing so fast

Emotions churning so vast

I have no clue where to turn

All I want is to be safe

But I don't think this ocean of tears is safe

I think I'm drowning

And maybe what everyone says about inner strength

Is just a lie

Because i know i feel weak

And safety is all i seek

But I'm not asking you

And I'm not asking me

And I'm not asking anyone

Because i the only person who can help

I can only plead for a moment between gasps

The rare seconds i come up for air

But ill get over it

Or block it out

Or something

I'll survive

I don't know if that's enough


The author's comments:

not saying what happened. i just had to write about it and teen ink is where I go. ill find a moment to get peace and pray. in the meantime, I'm going to camp tomorrow and I won't see a certain person for almost a week, so I should be good. already partially blocking it out.

as I publish this isn't anyonomus. the chances ill switch it to anonymous when I'm thinking clearly are high. right now I feel like who I am is obvious, but right now I still have some wet tears on my face and my inside feels like kuros darkness spell.


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This article has 4 comments.


on Jul. 16 at 5:27 pm
SparrowSun ELITE, X, Vermont
158 articles 22 photos 921 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It Will Be Good." (complicated semi-spiritual emotional story.)
And the words I say most often: "Where was I?"
"I just switched 50 things to anonymus and it doesnt even make a diff- why was i writing this again? where was i? hm.... oh well."

it wasnt really a spirtual crisis, the spiritual issue was everything was spinning so fast I couldn't even get time to pray which was the scariest part. and yesterday I was so upset I was afraid to pray because I knew it would get better and I was so hurt I felt safer in the darkness. i feel better now, of course. as to this incident, Im still healing and dealing with repurcusions but its getting better, mostly thanks to a new kitten being emotional support(hes only 4 weeks old, so I'm literally a cat mom!). ill get over it, with the same broken promises of 'someday' i always do. tho in every one of my real poems and some of my not real poems i point out that someday doesn't actually make me feel better now, it just gives me a horizon to fix on. someday...

Lydiaq DIAMOND said...
on Jul. 16 at 4:33 pm
Lydiaq DIAMOND, Somonauk, Illinois
99 articles 36 photos 673 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'd rather be a forest than a street.
If I only could, I surely would.
I'd rather feel the earth beneath my feet."

Oh my goodness this poetry is just

Lydiaq DIAMOND said...
on Jul. 15 at 10:53 pm
Lydiaq DIAMOND, Somonauk, Illinois
99 articles 36 photos 673 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'd rather be a forest than a street.
If I only could, I surely would.
I'd rather feel the earth beneath my feet."

This is kind of hard to write, considering the pieces you have written about your faith, but I just trying to say that if what you are going through is a spiritual or church-related crisis, I kind of understand that sort of thing. It can happen with all of us, that the church we stuck up for has not stuck up for us and has left us alone or refused to answer our questions. When this happens, it is time to remember that God is not found in creeds or history or even in other people's words that you've been taught, you have to look inside yourself and above yourself and around yourself to find God. Always be bold in your search for truth. Don't forsake your voice or your spirit or your worth at any time for anyone. (I am sorry if this hurts you...I am just trying to help cause this has happened to me. You can tell me if Im wrong) Unfortunataly, going away on a trip doesn't always change things or people...I went on a trip, my first train-trip by myself, and instead of having a fun time, I got absolutely soul-shattered and shell-shocked. In spite of all that junk, though, I still think it was worth it, because I am just that kind of person. All of us are more resilliant than we believe. :) And I think u are great writer.

Lydiaq DIAMOND said...
on Jul. 15 at 10:32 pm
Lydiaq DIAMOND, Somonauk, Illinois
99 articles 36 photos 673 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'd rather be a forest than a street.
If I only could, I surely would.
I'd rather feel the earth beneath my feet."

Please take care of yourself, SparrowSun. You are always so great at encouraging others in your stories. You can do it....oh gosh, I don't know what is right to say...