Water Lies | Teen Ink

Water Lies

September 7, 2021
By WolvesRain ELITE, Walton, Kentucky
WolvesRain ELITE, Walton, Kentucky
117 articles 1 photo 190 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Every secret of a writer's soul, every experience of his life, every quality of his mind, is written large in his works." Virginia Wolf

Walls so many walls,

Caving in,

Their caving in.

Tight squeeze,

Hard to breathe.

Shallow water,

Begins it's rise,

Rise oh rise,

Sink oh sink.

I'm drowning deep,

Deep below,

Oh deep below.

No more life,

In these eyes,

Drowning in the lies. 

The author's comments:

This poem talks about how when your anxieties get the best of you, you may feel that it's drowning you even when it's small. 

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This article has 2 comments.

on Sep. 10 2021 at 9:27 pm
SparrowSun ELITE, X, Vermont
200 articles 23 photos 1052 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It Will Be Good." (complicated semi-spiritual emotional story.)

"Upon his bench the pieces lay
As if an artwork on display
Of gears and hands
And wire-thin bands
That glisten in dim candle play." -Janice T., Clockwork[love that poem, dont know why, im not steampunk]

I want to cry but maybe thats just because i edit to much. SERIOUSLY: commas exist for a reason! grammatically
'Walls so many walls' should either be 'Walls, so many walls' or maybe 'Walls- so many walls' thats the first example. also you used their when you meant they're. do i edit to much? or not enough?
generally the laws of grammar dont apply with poetry, but you cant entirly disregard them or it reads awkward and clumsy.
still no word from my english teacher on poetry careers.
beautiful poem tho. if i were able to unsee the grammatical errors this would be perfect.

Lydiaq ELITE said...
on Sep. 10 2021 at 8:01 pm
Lydiaq ELITE, Somonauk, Illinois
163 articles 47 photos 1025 comments

Favorite Quote:
The universe must be a teenage girl. So much darkness, so many stars.

I wrote a poem a lot like this. It's simply called "Wall." Yours is more concise tho.