Lost By Design... | Teen Ink

Lost By Design...

October 25, 2010
By AlexHeller DIAMOND, San Mateo, California
AlexHeller DIAMOND, San Mateo, California
60 articles 2 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. practice wellness. play with abandon. laugh. choose with no regret. continue to learn. appreciate your friends. do what you love. live as if this is all there is. -Mary Anne Rabmacher

Lost by design…
Sometimes, there are people who hide in the secret crevices of the Earth’s skin.
Often, people don’t want to be themselves, somebody else.
Again, people start over. Again and again. A child again, hidden in the most forgotten corners of their world.
Always, when they close their eyes, the see their whole world. It can shatter before them, just like that.
Occasionally, there is a lost child, who doesn’t want to grow old. Wants to remain forgotten.
Recurrently, the undiscovered worlds and colors lie in wait, behind their closed eyelids. They don’t want to be found. Forgotten colors only for those lost by design.
When it’s time, Butterflies of colors flutter restlessly on their eyelids, beckoning to the ones who won’t awaken, undoing the stitches of time, allowing more time for those concealed in the darkness of our hearts.
Most of the time, they never wish to wake up. To feel like child with prison for a mind. Always shown colors of despair, their worlds crashing, burning, dismally shattering all they know.
Every so often, when you close your eyes, what do you see? Selfishness. You see your family, friends, enemies, precious things, cherished memories, people forgotten, colors, string that undo’s the very fabric of time, woven just for you, old black shoes, the cherry blast of a lollipop, your firsts, your seconds, your thirds, your lasts, people gone from this world. Selfishness. You see what you and cherish the most don’t you?
Especially, my eyelids disclose the story of those dark, forgotten passages, the colors from the wings of thousands of butterflies and their eclipses.
Once, when my eyes are shut and away from the terrifying place we call our world and I can lose myself all over again, I see them. All the faces of people I’ve uncovered. The shape of their eyes, the ridge of their noses, the way their skin folds when they smile at their fullest. If one of them decides to abandon their foundness, taking themselves away from the world, placing themselves in that dark place, studded with merely a few courages diamond stars, where all there is, is red and a scorched sliver of what was once the moon they looked up to as one of the found. If one of them disappears, a shard of my world disappears too. They are my entire world. Selfishness be the nature of my world, just as it is yours.
Twice, there is selfishness. Everyone’s watching as the star studded eyes of mine slowly fade into the shadows of the moon, a place buried under the corners of one’s mind.
Thrice, Enigmatical rooms with endless colors and brightness. That place is so far from this corner I have hidden myself away in. Gone so far that you cannot return to the world of the found.
Never, lost by design forever, never found, never sought out, forgotten by the curiousness of the misplaced, when it’s the end, they will be found and cried for, in the end, after curiosity has long since died, and tears long been expended, acting like children lost in the designs and patterns of their own minds. They will descend the staircase back to your world of pretend and out of their reality, creating a web of lies to catch them in case they fall,
…lost by design, into the iridescent web of lies you replaced their truths with. Their glowing, bright white replaced with something darker than black, something you submerge them in, all the while, truly believing that you,
…are saving them from falling into their world of color, where they can get lost on a single stair of violet roses, entertwined among the golden rays of the sun you used to climb on in order to reach the dripping, yellow sun.
Four times, you tear down their world, spinning your web even thicker so that they can never return to the white, only to the blackness you call the world.
They are lost by design, programmed to desire the secret crevices, hidden corners, buried pieces of your heart, while all the while, you spin your web on top of their world, a world now of no return, in your reality.
Lost by design…

The author's comments:
...colors, let them burn bright into the back of your mind, new colors not to forget...

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This article has 1 comment.

on Feb. 22 2011 at 9:59 am
LilGirlBadd17 PLATINUM, Saluda, South Carolina
20 articles 2 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life To Short To Live With Reqrets"

does understanding yourself and not letting others understand you a crime?