Behind This Mask | Teen Ink

Behind This Mask

August 7, 2012
By Ga-GahKayMarie GOLD, Patterson, California
Ga-GahKayMarie GOLD, Patterson, California
14 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
If there is one word to describe life it is one

You have so many faces.
They all go at so many different paces.

Your eyes hidden,
Forbidden to reveal.
All I can see now is a shy,
Shivering person.
Deep down your beautiful,
A whole new person who is drowning in this big ocean,
But fighting for life and all of its faces,
Catch up.
You need to set the paces.
Keep track of all the faces.
So I can explore all these new places.

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This article has 3 comments.

on Aug. 18 2012 at 6:46 pm
Nguyenkhanh SILVER, Ho Chi Minh, Other
7 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

reading some of your writings, you write in a way meant to communicate directly- a different direction from my own- which is to reflect and talk at once, but the latter indirectly. I see a stranger speaking loudly at me, that's your position, right? Beside that, This poem, although short, I can feel your plea to someone- the victim of the phantom's mask. On a note, it might have been even better if you had included the victim's part as well. Your part is clear as water, yet to speak so, means you have empathized- at least sympathized those pain. Those are things that i have to offer you.

on Aug. 15 2012 at 3:43 pm
realbeautifulheart PLATINUM, Livermore, California
21 articles 1 photo 53 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is a package that you have to sign for. Yes, it's free. No, there's no guarantee as to what it holds. Open with caution, it's 'FRAGILE'." (I made this up.)

First of all, I just want to say, great topic choice. I could tell that you were writing with emotion, with experience, not just making something up. I love the imagery you provide by using those awesome adjectives and metaphors. I second Mashley310 as far as technicalities go, but, in the first paragraph, you also said, "The all go at so many different places." which I did not fully understand. Perhaps you meant "to"? Anyways, great job. Remember to proof-read a few times. Happy writing! :)

on Aug. 11 2012 at 2:16 pm
Mashley310 BRONZE, Rowlett, Texas
2 articles 1 photo 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
"They always forget the last part of that saying: curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back" its something to that effect anyway." - Tamora Pierce

Good job! You chose an interesting, relatable topic and treated it well! XD I love the way you linked the beginning to the end, and your word choice was phenomenal. Make sure you proof-read though, you used "your" when you should have used "you're" once (line 10).  Also, this is more of a personal preference, but be careful with your punctuation. If you have a period, make sure the lines before it make a complete sentence. And I wouldn't have used commas at the end of some of your lines; it would've been just as effective without them. But that's just me. ;-)