Your're Only As Lonely, As You Are Dead | Teen Ink

Your're Only As Lonely, As You Are Dead

January 27, 2013
By CarzKemp DIAMOND, Lyons, New York
CarzKemp DIAMOND, Lyons, New York
68 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
if you take the "F" out of Life
you'll be living a lie-Carz Kemp

I am tortured everyday

by the thoughts in my head,

thoughts self inflicted by a child’s upbringing.

Thoughts, I thought I was strong enough to deal with them,

But sometimes I think I’m better off in a Looney Bin

I’m severely hurting because I feel like I have no Identity,

As I don’t know who I am, I assume I become everything,

Out of spite of god, or maybe bad memories,

All I know is, I feel like the enemy.

I dislike who I am because I’ve heard hate more than love,

As being abandoned by the ones you need,

And taking a place next to drugs.

For some, the drugs won.

They stole the one.

I don’t even know who my parents are,

Metaphorically of course,

I want to cry every day,

But I’d rather no one see my scars.

I’m also afraid they’ll tell think I’m weak,

I’m afraid that that I might actually believe.

I never wanted to be weak, I never did,

I’m not who I imagined to be when I was a kid,

But then again, no one is.

I’m starting to believe all I deserve is hurt,

That all life has to offer is a tangent worth.

A straight line down a path to dirt.

As I’ve went to god several times,

To be anointed and to pray for lives,

I still don’t believe that I am saved,

No matter what the book says.

I always pray for those that I love most, to do right,

But of course they change getting worse through the night.

And I’m scared, I’m scared that I’m really doing this on my own,

And as I embrace this life change I feel as if I’m doing wrong,

I could be home taking the easy way out,

But I left that home for a new life to know,

One with a foundation or sense of stability,

One where I could love her in tranquility,

But now I don’t even have a her,

A life to share with no one but my own, lonely dark soul,

I wish it was easy, like god could just give me answers in a letter,

Because I know I’m ten times too stupid to even remember,

I can’t even remember being held my by own mom,

It’s like life is spinning on one depressing song.

It’s like, I know she did, but bad came to live with me instead,

And it’s taking over any good thoughts that I may have ever had.

I don’t even know who I am, or what my purpose is,

Its like I’m living for nothing, and with empty hands expecting to give,

I use to live for a girl, and the memories we’d spend after tomorrow,

But she took my heart and left it to a hungry sparrow,

Eating my heart from the opposite side of cupids arrow,

And I feel they all laugh, with her and cupid, pointing at me,

It’s like I’m the clown in front of the class, who’s done with acting,

What happens when the curtain closes on the one who loved from a life of blasphemy?

Never understanding love, because he knew too many tragedies.

He never wanted anyone to be sorry,

He never wanted them to leave,

He just wanted them to hurry,

because his side is where he needed them to be.

Just think about this questions flux,

How long he still believed, until he actually gave up.
And as he waits for the cut of the witches thread,
God Says, "You Are Only as Lonely, As You Are Dead"

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