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It's becoming hard for me to wake up in the morning.
I used to slide out of the sheets so easily,
Like I didn't need to think twice about what the world was going to present to me
Because I knew I could take it.
Yet, now it feels like I could only ever fake it,
And I'm not used to the uncertainty that my heart is feeling when I breathe,
I want to puke but I can only ever attempt to heave
This heartbreak from from my chest, wishing it would leave
And I'm not even sure why I got up in the first place.
I used to take full gulps of oxygen,
Convinced that I didn't need to pretend anymore, because this is high school.
The kids have grown up and surely they're not as cruel,
They all got out of bed, so I thought I could do it too,
But the more times I got out of bed, my uncertainty grew,
And I began to lose faith in what the world showed me
And now I'm afraid to watch the news,
You never understood why I took so much comfort in my bed
Because only I knew in my head that there was nothing I could ever do
To save myself from the pieces of my heart getting stuck in my lungs
And watching the world continue while I choked,
And I'm not even sure why I got up in the first place,
I'm not even sure why I got up in the first place,
I don't know why I let myself get up in the first place,
Now, every morning,
I try to swim up from underwater
And I can't inhale fast enough.
I can't inhale at all.
I can't get out of bed as easily anymore.