Deprogramming | Teen Ink

Deprogramming MAG

March 15, 2016
By Olivia-Atlet ELITE, Dardenne Prairie, Missouri
Olivia-Atlet ELITE, Dardenne Prairie, Missouri
325 articles 10 photos 1165 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To these the past hath its phantoms,
More real than solid earth;
And to these death does not mean decay,
But only another birth"
- Isabella Banks

Sometimes I wonder if my veins will burst
And pour out the fluid that calls itself blood,
But it’ll be black like sludge and burn my skin
As I pull in
Puff out
Steam again.
I dream I’m a robot with no mortal strands
tugging my life along,
No milestones to reach or food to digest,
No imperfections to glimmer among the steel pieces of my body.
I pretend and make believe but it never changes,
No, it never leaves,
I’m always me in a world surrounded
by machines,
I hide away in the gears of my mind,
Pulling off cobwebs and repeating motions over and over and over to calm myself down.
I tap the wall, focus on the length of each sound,
Match it to the tempo of my heartbeat,
And tell myself I’m a clock,
Tick tock,
Going through my motions.
I wind myself up each day to forever teeter
on the edge of breaking down,
But I hold it in,
Get to where I’ve been designated,
And my routine circles around.
I wish I could break out of my metal prison,
To feel human again,
But I realize that I’ve never been trapped
by anyone but myself,
Locked away so no one could help or hear.
I’ve chosen to tear off the chains on my wrists
The shackles that bind me
Wires that trick me into believing I’m alone.
I’m unscrewing the doors that hold me in place
To breathe fresh air and come out of the
grease-and-fire-filled pieces of my mind.
I’m deprogramming because I’m

Similar Articles


This article has 2 comments.

on Mar. 23 2016 at 10:19 am
L.J.Barnes. GOLD, Powhatan, Virginia
15 articles 0 photos 53 comments

Favorite Quote:
Avoid roasted cabbage, don't eat earwax and look on the bright side of life!
~Angela the Herbalist

This is beautiful. And very relatable. This is one of the best poems I've come across on Teen Ink for some time. :D

on Mar. 21 2016 at 2:00 pm
EmilytheBelleofA. DIAMOND, Athens, Georgia
81 articles 5 photos 1486 comments

Favorite Quote:
To love is to be vulnerable; Triumph is born out of struggle; We notice shadows most when they stand alone in the midst of overwhelming light.

This is something that I can connect to. Your poem, Liv., is beautiful and it makes me think if that makes sense. Your writing is still as beautiful and talented as always. :) Thank you for sharing this, Liv. Congrats also on Editor's checkmark! I hope more people read this, your poem, because it is beautiful and it is good, and I hope that it makes them think also because honestly, people do need to think more. I am glad that you are still writing. :)