Frozen | Teen Ink


January 20, 2015
By HappyEmeal GOLD, Lahore, Other
HappyEmeal GOLD, Lahore, Other
16 articles 4 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
When life knocks you down, Dhuzzz! Just puzza back up!!!

Once upon a time lived a family. The perfect Disney family: Skinny guy who's King, his silent Queen, and two annoying princesses, one of course who has magic powers, Elsa, and the other who is naturally annoying, Anna.

Everything is happy and colorful like a rainbow with unicorns and sprinkles, until the kid with the crazy powers almost kills her annoying sister. The story would've ended right there and Anna would be long gone (good riddance I'd say) but is saved by a troll that is technically a rock. 

And we know Disney loves to land guilt on their characters and Elsa locks herself upin her room, never EVER sees her sister again and wears stupid gloves to 'conceal the powers'. How long does she wear the gloves? Does she even sleep in those? And how come she never ever meets her sister again? They live in the same house, don't they have dinner together? Those are yet questions that shall never be answered.

So adding even more drama and the cruel Disney guys kill King and Queen, because they realized they hadn't killed anyone in the movie so far, and most Disney films give you a taste of death pretty quick.

Cut to the chase, crazy princess with magic powers now becomes Queen of Anastasia or whatever, and meets her sister after eighteen years, fangirling over chocolate.

But the story isn't quite Disney yet because there's no romance yet. So they throw in a hot prince Haans, and the annoying naive princess falls for him. Deciding to take it to another level and marrying a guy she met only a song ago, she asks for her sister's blessing for their marriage. The smarter sister thinks her sister needs a psychiatrist and won't let no marriage take place. But stupid Anna who was so blinded by love only angered her sister, and the hidden magic comes out of her, freezing the country and now she's a freak so she runs away, Anna trailing behind her.

So now we have a Queen singing a song that makes her sound and look evil and the dumb princess teams up with a buff guy who gives voice-overs for his pet reindeer, Kristoff to look for her sister. Why Anna trusts strangers, I don't know. That is actually the message behind the movie: never trust the first person you meet; always trust the second person. 

So now we have the princess, humongusaur, and Ronald the reindeer walking up a mountain covered in snow, to talk the now insane snow Queen into defrosting the country. 

And just when you don't want another stupid character to be introduced, a dumb snowman gets thrown in, which was actually created by the wise Queen. Somehow the gang find the cool ice palace Elsa makes, and Anna tells her sister she looks hot, and after talking and talking, they argue and end up singing. And deja vu, Elsa's magic snow hits Anna right on the spot and now she's freezing to death.

So Kristoff takes Anna to his adoptive rock family, and ask for help. Cue the cliche: true love's kiss shall thaw Anna frozen heart. So, remember the hot prince? Yeah, Anna goes all the way back to him just to make out, but turns out he's just a traitor and won't kiss her and now Anna is sad and dying. 

Since we think no one can love the weirdo, we have the buffy guy who starts having them feels for her and goes back to her in a storm for no real reason really. 

And now, we see Anna and Kristoff running and looking for each other and somehow the crazy ice queen is there too and you can't see a thing just when you're supposed to and the hot traitor comes from no where and is about to kill the crazy magician queen but somehow now, Anna can clearly see her sister in danger and runs to save her. The cheesy move freezes her completely. 

Now everyone's sad and Elsa hates herself and is considering suicide but more magic, and tada! Anna the ice-figure melts into Anna the Annoying and somehow Elsa suddenly fixes everything and everyone is happy and Anna finds true love and the end is pretty cheesy. 

As expected from a Disney movie.

The author's comments:

The movie was okay, but if you think about the plot, it makes no sense at all. Accident, parents dead, snow queen, frozen homeland, climbing a mountain withing a few minutes, almost dying, hot guy bails you,eventually dying, dying, and coming back to life, fat guy falls for you, thawing your homeland. The end

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