Metal 101 | Teen Ink

Metal 101

July 30, 2008
By Anonymous

Possibly the loudest, greasiest, most intense and by no comparison, the most explosive genre, metal has branched out into an almost unbelievable spectrum and way out of my mentality’s reach. It is a multitudinous hodgepodge of amazing, awe-inspiring, god-forsaken, obscure and just straight up unnecessarily named subparts. You've got your black metal, death metal, doom metal, folk metal, funk metal, glam metal, gothic metal, groove metal, industrial metal, neo-classical metal, nü metal, post-metal, power metal, progressive metal, sludge metal, speed metal, stoner metal, thrash metal, alternative metal, avant-garde metal, Christian metal (what?), extreme metal, NWOBHM, rap metal, symphonic metal, math metal, Viking metal, some oddball band that only sings about zombies…and my train of thought has been derailed. There’s enough diversity to push out the lonely term ‘metal’ into oblivion. Despite it's diversities, you've still got your misconceptions about the genre. While most of you would believe this is full of pyros, tight pants, sagging pants, Swedes, Finns, Norsk Arysk Blak Metal! (Rahhh!!), sociopaths, flesh eating, some dragons and maybe even a little bit of disco, they're only misconceptions, right?

Well, however you fancy your cup of br00tal tea, metal will transform every single one of the genres fathomable to date into a world of BOOOM!!!!!! ENTER THE SUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!!! FATHER, MY ADOLESCENCY IS AGONNNNNYYYYY!!!!!!! RAH!!!!!!!!! TRY TO UNDERSTAND ME WHILST I COUGH UP MY AORTA!!!!!!!!!

The author's comments:
I'd like to say, that as a self-respecting person who listens to a a family's fair share of metal, some of these misconceptions (if you will) are in fact, not true.

There are excepttions to that, also.
But they hardly venture out into open sunlight, so your life is in no jeopardy.

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This article has 2 comments.

on Aug. 3 2014 at 9:51 am
theheavymetalist ELITE, Winter Haven, Florida
247 articles 0 photos 57 comments

Favorite Quote:
Take me As I Am - James Labrie of Dream Theater

Here I am, anyways I think you forgot a few subgenres in there. Great job though.

on Dec. 23 2010 at 6:13 pm
SickImage SILVER, Klamath Falls, Oregon
9 articles 1 photo 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
The room was very quiet. I walked over to the TV set and turned it onto a dead channel-white noise at maximum decibels, a fine sound for sleeping, a powerful continuous hiss to drown out everything strange."

I'm a MetalHead :)