Gaining Confidence | Teen Ink

Gaining Confidence

October 16, 2019
By hannah_davis_03, Battle Creek, Michigan
hannah_davis_03, Battle Creek, Michigan
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Happiness, confidence, and being a strong person is everything to me. But there was a time in my life where I didn’t feel any of these. It seemed like the world was ending but I taught myself how to have these three things with doing activities that would keep me happy. When we were freshmen we didn’t know how silly relationships truly were. At the time we thought it was the coolest thing. 

In May, the end of freshman year, I started dating my boy best friend. It was daring living 30 minutes away from each other without licenses, but we still tried to see how it went. We talked for about a month and dated either 2 or 3 months. It was a great beginning to the relationship. We always got to see each other and most nights would be goofing around or sitting on the couch watching movies. In the middle of the relationship is when things started getting harder. Some girls would contact me saying to watch him because he’s had a past for cheating. It got to me at first but confused me because he’d always tell me that he hated people who cheated. It bugged me but he was my bestfriend so I trusted him with my whole heart to where I couldn’t get mad unless I had proof. One time I checked his phone because he said I could to do his Snapchat streaks. After sending out his streaks I realized he had a lot of texts from girls. Almost every text I went through was him flirting with them saying stuff I wouldn’t ever imagine him saying. My eyes started pouring, my heart felt as if it dropped down to my stomach. When he walked back into the room he saw that my face was boiling. He questioned [incorrect word here] was was wrong. There I flipped the phone facing him and right away he started begging for forgiveness. When I was 14, I wasn’t the smartest girl and didn’t have as much self respect as I do now; so of course I gave him another chance, but I was more worried than ever. 

After that our relationship started getting better again. It was as good as the beginning. In July, our birthdays were around the same time and were finally here. He couldn’t come over on my birthday because he had stuff to do and there was no way to get him. I decorated my basement for him, bought a ton of gifts, and baked him some sweets. He was very thankful but little did I know something was fishy. One night he told me to do his snapchat streaks again. When I logged on and sent them I decided to go through the snaps from a bunch of girls. About half of those girls he was messing around with them on my birthday. Come to find out he had a girl over on my birthday. When I confronted him on it he admitted to everything he’s ever done. Even though I didn’t want to I ended the relationship right there. He was crying, but agreed that he had a cheating problem and didn’t want to hurt me even more. He added how since he's been close with me forever that he’ll always be there for me. 

The next day I wasn’t in the mood for anything. My heart was crushed, my stomach felt empty, and my head burned from all the tears. The first thing I did that morning was check my phone; just to come and find that he blocked me. That’s when everything hit me even harder. Yes [punctuation error] I lost my boyfriend, but that didn’t really bother me. The fact that I lost my best friend over a silly relationship. There were thoughts going through my head that I couldn’t trust anyone. If my best friend lied behind my back and broke my heart, [incorrect word here] than anyone can. For the next two weeks it got even harder. A bunch of girls who went to his school started texting me saying really rude things about my looks and personality. Things you really don’t expect to come out of fifteen year old [possessive error] girls mouths. The words the girls were saying about me might’ve been fake, but it still got to me. It started making me feel bad about myself to where I thought I was ugly and worthless. My friends knew about it and decided to have a sleepover to cheer me up. Whenever my friends would come over we’d always order a big box of pizza and appetizers from Pizza Hut, but that day I really wasn’t feeling it. The box wasn’t empty when we were done and most that was left was stuff I’d regularly eat. Whenever my friends wanted to go out to eat, to a movie, etc., I’d just want to stay home in bed because I knew something I’d see would remind me of what the girls and him were saying about me. Every night I went to bed it would be filled with crying. 

After the two weeks of stress volleyball came around. There wasn’t any emotions going on or anything, I was so focused on making a team. Volleyball always helped me get my mind off things; I just always loved the game. After the last day of tryouts I found out that I made the team and was the all around player. During tournaments I got spotlight and congratulated by a ton of players, coaches, scouts, and parents. It made myself feel really good. Throughout the season I got better and better and along with that, so did my confidence. Going out with my team for get-togethers were always fun and the teammates were just like family. During that time I also started working out to get the body I want, and always making myself look presentable not for others but for me to feel beautiful. Doing that really showed me that you can’t love someone else without loving yourself. There’s going to be a lot of obstacles and the reason for them is to help you grow. He left me even though he said he wouldn’t which taught me how to do things on my own like being independent. Once I realized [capitalization error] That I can be independent it made me feel more confident in myself. With confidence in myself it made me happy. Never give up and work through the obstacles in life; it’ll come a long way. 

My life has gotten better since then. Now I’m a junior in high school, getting good grades, playing varsity level for sports, having good friends, a sweet boyfriend,  and have goals for my future. At the time I was wondering why God was putting me through so much pain while he was only putting me through an obstacle for the better. Without all that stress I wouldn’t have gained confidence, happiness, strength, or independence. 

Hannah D.

Gaining Confidence

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