Life or Death | Teen Ink

Life or Death

January 12, 2021
By WhiteDevil BRONZE, Siliguri, Other
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WhiteDevil BRONZE, Siliguri, Other
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Author's note:

The narrator or the person's POV used in this book is made gender neutral. The reader may use their imagination and comfort to thinm whatever gender they are.

My body was twitching uncontrollably.It felt almost numb.I was shaking intensely, I couldn't control it anymore. A sharp stinging pain shot up my body and a vague, unpleasant feeling churned inside me. My eyes watered ; They were half closed now. All I could see was a huge round ring of endless light that made it more harder for me to be consious of my surroundings. I could hear muffled voices of people around me. Most of them were unrecognizable. It was almost as if they were speaking an entirely different language. The bitter, rotten smell of various chemicals surrounding me made breathing even harder for me.
Abruptly, I could see a luminous yet dark light blinding me . It sucked me towards itself. My state made it even harder to resist. My intuition gave out weird warnings. I felt as if a good yet a bad thing was about to happen simultaneously . I was reluctant but the force was too much for my frail body to go against and then I blacked out.
____

It was a strangely lively place, surrounded by miles and miles of green pastures where resided huge trees with canopies. The place smelled of rain-damp and wet.
I heard something in a distant and having no sense of direction, headed for the source of it.
As I slowly ambled towards 'it' I caught a peek of a huge waterfall and as I went closer I was surprised by its freshness and colour. The water was pale blue in colour ; it was as transparent as it could be. Unconsiously I dipped my hand into it. It unexpectedly increased the pain I felt earlier. I rapidly removed my hand and stared at the mystery liquid. It looked so pleasant yet it had more monstrosity to it than I could've imagined.
"It hurts doesn't it?" I turned around hearing the honeyed voice.
There stood a magnificent girl with white leaved clothes draped around her feeble-looking body. She had a flower garland sitted on top of her head. Her hair was long and in aqua colour. She looked so beautiful and pure that no one could possibly think she'd commit a sin.
I hadn't realised that I was staring at her for quite a while. She just smiled and came closer. She smelled just like the forest- pure and divine.
I felt unawarely alarmed. 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒔𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒂 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒊𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒃𝒍𝒚 𝒅𝒐 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆?
I didn't know the answer to my question.
She looked at me right in the eye and suddenly I felt no pain anymore.
I looked down at my hands and they were back to normal.
"I healed it" she said . I was still too astounded to reply.
"C'mon follow me" she said as I slowly entered the other side of the forest with her.

"So what made you come here?" She asked me. I gave her a confused look...I didn't even know where I was!
"Oh! I guess you don't know eh?!" -It was as if she could read my mind. I kept quiet. It wasn't that I couldn't talk,it's just that I didn't want to. I felt a dangerous aura around her.
___

We were now in a really dense forest. Various floras sorrounded the place. It was breathtaking but yet gave out a weird vibe. It was hard keeping up with 'her'. I wondered how she could pass through the trees with such grace while I was here grunting, while the sharp branches cut through my skin. I was almost covered with scratches and bruises all over- patches of blood covering my body. However I was scared of losing the sight of her. I was in an unknown place and I did not intend to get lost .
It was after a few minutes into entering a huge cavern that I started questioning my decision of following her. I could see nothing. The place smelled gross and fishy. And the only sound I could hear was of me breathing which increased as time went by.
I could no longer feel her presence. I frantically looked around as sweat beaded my forehead. I was starting to feel the pain again. I was throwing my hands here and there desperately, to find her in this shuddery darkness. As soon as I turned around I saw her again but this time she had a murderous look in her eyes.
She stretched her hands out and pressed them against my throat. I felt 'life' oozing out of me.
𝑊𝑎𝑠 𝐼 𝑑𝑦𝑖𝑛𝑔? 𝐼𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑑𝑒𝑎𝑡ℎ? 𝑊ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝐼 𝑔𝑜 𝑛𝑜𝑤?
I felt evrything black out again , the last thing I heard was another voice, a coarse one -" hey! She's mine now".
___

Where am I ? I can't see anything. Was I still inside that cavern?
"Hey, you okay down there"-I heard that voice from before.
My eyes opened to reveal another person. She had dark smoky eyes that looked like they held mystery and pain, even though she had a pretty smile plastered on her face. She wore a black cloak, hiding herself inside it. Her hair was a ravishing dark brown colour. It was neatly put up into a braid. She WAS entirely different from the previous one.
"You okay?" She asked again, this time with a hint of concern.
" Who are you?" - I asked weirldy, still mesmerized by her odd charm.
She lightly chuckled before replying " I'm death."
"D-Does that mean I'm dead?" I asked not-so-worriedly. "A-And who was that from before?"- I added another question.
"Well no you aren't. You get to choose" she paused for a moment before continuing "and that was life" she replied still with her slow smile.
She took an arm out of the cloak and helped me up.
"Wait, what do you mean i can choose?" I asked her about her previous sentence.
"Well you can choose if you want to live or die but if you choose to live you'll forget everything that happened here" she said looking down.
She slowly started walking and I followed her. Unlike 'life' she wasn't making me uncomfortable. Instead she made me feel so good and right at 'home'.
"So what do you choose now?" She asked after we had exited the cavern.
"Huh?" I aksed confused. I had forgotten all she said before . I still looked at her like she was something that I NEEDED.
"What do you choose- LIFE or DEATH?"

"𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒅𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒐𝒔𝒆- 𝑳𝑰𝑭𝑬 𝒐𝒓 𝑫𝑬𝑨𝑻𝑯?"
This question that 'death' asked me , made me wonder "𝒘𝒉𝒚 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝑰 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆?" ;
" 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒎𝒂𝒅𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒔𝒐 𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒔𝒐 𝒄𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈?".
I tightly closed my eyes. I could feel the pain return and travel through my veins making it hard for me to think right. My hands raised up to my head, clutching on for the pain to subside; it didn't. Tears filled my eyes as I finally gave out a screech of all the pain and anguish , contained inside my mystic heart . I started breathing harder- I felt suffocated which only made it harder. I was now on my knees begging for the pain to stop. "Please....stop....P-Please"I managed to say in between my breaths.
Finally it stopped, I looked around only to be disappointed. 'Death' wasn't there anymore; no one was.
I was in the middle of an endless ocean. It was weird , almost making me feel like I did when I 'lived' - 𝑨𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆.
I looked up to see the same endless sky I've always seen. It was uncanny how I never noticed how pretty it looked. However it didn't last long.
The sky abruptly- creaked, crumbled and disappeared . I was left in a dark hollow pit, filled with 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔.
The darkness reminded me of 𝒎𝒚 life. My abusive peers , the hate that I received, the loneliness. I could see bits and pieces of my memories surrounding me - mom and dad smiling at me. We were one big happy family , until that calamitous yet inevitable day when I lost them both. I was only eight when it happened . I was terrified at the sight, my eye beheld .I had nowhere to go to. I was taken up by an orphanage and got a scholarship to a school. My life was empty- no friends, no companions and no one to talk to.
I always bottled up my feelings, I hid my heart inside an imaginary armour. Never had someone seen my cry except Ash - she was a little puppy that I had been secretly keeping; we weren't allowed to keep pets in the orphanage.
She too died not long after I took her in .
It was as if 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔𝒏'𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒚. Everything I cared for just went up and vanished.
I was always lonely and cried myself to sleep every single night. I had no one.....𝒏𝒐 𝒐𝒏𝒆.
No one had ever even tried to smile at me or help me up when I fell down... until today when death did.
When eventually my mind was freed of my thoughts, I looked up to realise that I was back and death was right in front of me.
"𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒊𝒔𝒏'𝒕 𝒊𝒕?"- she asked, and that was all it took.I could feel something wet trickling down my cheeks. They were tears. 𝑯𝒐𝒘 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒊𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝑰 𝒄𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒅 𝒇𝒓𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒚 𝒊𝒏 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆.
'Death' pursed her lips and sat down beside me. I looked at her eyes. They looked the same as mine- dull and lifeless.
She slowly smiled before hugging me.
"𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝒈𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒂 𝒃𝒆 𝒐𝒌𝒂𝒚" -that sentence right there made me lose it. I had never heard that my whole life. My nose was running now and my face stained with tears . I couldn't control my feelings anymore - they poured out. I cried and cried and cried until I was satisfied.
She slowly patted my back before breaking our hug.
"𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒇𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒅 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒈𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒇, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒊𝒕𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆- Lɪғᴇ 𝒐𝒓 Dᴇᴀᴛʜ" she asked.
I kept silent....I wanted to think this over. '𝐿𝑖𝑓𝑒' wasn't ever all that good for me but...𝐷𝑜 𝐼 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑑𝑖𝑒?
This reminded me of a story mum once read me . She loved reading books and often she'd read them to me as well. The main character of the story had died but she was happy in the end. I never really understood why she was happy, when she was 'supposed to be sad' " How come t'was a 'Happy Ending'?" - was always my question. I understand it now.
It isn't always that a person may like their life but they should live on , until they find a companion whom they can cherish.
I looked at 'death' one more time - she had a sad smile now, as if she knew what I was going to choose.
I guess not many people choose to be with her - they choose life instead .
Her eyes held so many feelings of remorse , negligence and loneliness ; just like mine.
She , not even knowing me comforted me, she made me pour out my feelings, she cut through my 'armour'.
𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰'𝒍𝒍 𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒐𝒔𝒆...𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘.
___

"𝑰 𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒐𝒔𝒆 Dᴇᴀᴛʜ" -I said as loud as ever.
"Huh...wait what, why?" She asked me.
"Because, i don't have anyone there with me when i live...Nobody tries to comfort me. Today when you said those words. They made me feel like I was worth something"
I replied with a smile- probably the biggest I've ever had on my face.

"But...I'm Death"
"I know and I choose you" I replied.
She smiled, then started -" You know? Not many people are given choices. People with 50% chances of living and 50% chances of dying are the ones given choices....all of them always chose life. I never got it- we're both forces of nature then why are people attracted towards her and not me? Then I understood- it was because I always 'snatch' their loved ones away from them- that was the reason. It's not that bad here ya'know. People just can't understand that if i don't exist then nor will life. The value of life wouldn't be there if I weren't there. It's olay now. I understand it even if other's don't. I don't know why you chose me though."

" I told you....you were the only one to comfort me all my life. Furthermore, you said I'd forget everything if I'd have chosen life; I don't want to forget the warmth you provided me with today...Thanks "

"No thanks to you" - she said as I drifted away from her.
"Thanks....but you need to live" she mumbled in a low voice.
____

I woke up breathing heavily. I furrowed my brows as I noticed my surroundings. I was at an ER . A couple of doctors entered me and let me know that I was in coma for a few days-6 days to be exact. I was discontented. Why did it feel like I was forgetting something? Or someone?

My life went on normally. I don't quite remember my life before the coma just bits and pieces of a few memories. It always felt like a huge and important fragnant of my memories were taken away.

It was all until the day I learnt that I had cancer. I wasn't that financially secured and I knew the last days of my life were coming to an end. Strangely enough I always had this dream of someone ; the person was unknown to me but I felt some sort of connection to her.

____

I was now on my death bed....the last voice I heard was a long 'beep' sound that was made when my life stopped.
My memories that I thought were lost flooded in and then I met 'her' again. I was filled with tremendous bliss. I was happy to meet her again. She was the only one who understood my feelings .
"You came back" she said wearing the same slow smile she always did.
"I'd always choose you" i said as i walked towards her. I drifted off into the darkness but this time with 'death'.
In the end -I asked both life and death "𝑾𝒉𝒚 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝑰 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒃𝒐𝒓𝒏?"
"𝑻𝒐 𝒅𝒊𝒆" life replied wryly
" 𝑺𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒎𝒆𝒆𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖" death replied with a smile.
I did understand one thing....𝑳𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒂 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒊𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝑳𝒊𝒆 , 𝑫𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉 𝒊𝒔 𝒂 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒕𝒉 .

☯︎☯︎𝖳𝗁𝖾 𝖤𝗇𝖽☯︎☯︎



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