Starting Fresh | Teen Ink

Starting Fresh

April 15, 2024
By Anonymous

Staring out high school for any kid can conjure up many different emotions. The fear you won't fit in, sad that some of your middle school friends won't go to the same school as you, or happy to have a fresh start. For me, I didn't know what to feel. Should I have felt scared or excited to start over my life? Growing up with the same kids from pre-school to eighth grade, I didn't know any better. Although, moving across the country from Connecticut to Arizona, away from my friends and family, was terrifying. Would I make new friends? Could I even leave my comfort zone to talk to new people? I didn't know what to think.
            The sun was blaring in my eyes as my mom said, "Give me a big smile for the first day of school!" even though she knew I hated to take pictures, I knew it was important to her for the memories, of course. At first, I was excited to restart and make new friends at school. I could become a whole new person, and no one would say anything about it because they didn't know me or who I was before high school. I knew I didn't have the confidence for that, though. I was mainly a shy kid with one or two close friends with whom I would hang out. I never had to step out of my comfort zone to be more social or make new friends. This wasn't very clear to me. I knew I could "fake it till you make it" with my confidence, but I couldn't get myself to do it.
            Getting dropped off at school, especially at a new school where I didn't know anyone, was one of those thoughts that would keep me up at night. Who would I talk to right when I got there so I didn't look like a weird kid? Would people look at me and think that I'm too awkward to talk to? High school is about starting fresh; many kids come from schools with only one or two people attending the same high school. I knew I needed to create something new, leave my old friends behind, and step out of my comfort zone. While walking around the school before classes started, I could see groups beginning to form. I could see the clicks starting to create, making me even more self-conscious that I didn't know anyone. I was waiting for someone to come up to me to introduce themselves. The only thought I was thinking at the time was, "If I went up to a group of kids, would they think I'm weird or annoying since they already have friends coming into high school?" I ended up just sitting alone for a while till the first bell rang. I couldn't get the thoughts and fears that were clouding my mind to go away.
            When the first bell rang, I walked fast to class so people didn't think I was walking alone. I sat down, took out my computer, and waited for class to start. One kid sat beside me, saying, "Hi, my name is Juan". This was it. This could be one of the first friends that I made in high school, one of my first friends in Arizona. I introduced myself, and we started talking till the bell rang. He also told me that he just moved from Flordia. This was one of the best things that could have ever happened to me—another kid who didn't know anyone.
We gave each other our Snapchats, which is how I made one of my first friends in high school. Juan was the type of kid to go up to anyone and have no fears. He didn't have any boundaries because he had already crossed them. I aspired to be like him. I wanted to have the confidence he had. Even though he didn't know anyone, he would approach them and say, "Hey." I have never had confidence in myself like Juan. My anxiety and stepping out of my comfort zone held me back. I cared too much about others' thoughts and wasn't being true to myself. When I moved here, I told myself I could start over and be a new version of myself, and no one would ruin that. Although, before I met Juan, I didn't think that any of that was possible. From the moment I stepped into those school gates, I felt I was being judged from the start, whether from the freshman or the seniors. I honestly didn't think I could find any friends, and I would keep to myself, hoping maybe one day we could move back to Connecticut. I would be reunited with all my friends, and we could go to high school together like we discussed in middle school. With all of this said about my fear of what other people thought about me or my anxiety, I was one hundred percent wrong.
            Starting high school with my fear of people judging me and the built-up anxiety about it many kids can relate to. After feeling alone on this journey, I started fresh with no one to back me up because I didn't know anyone. However, after that day that I met Juan in my English class, everything changed. Seeing how much confidence he had and still embraces it every single day. That moment in my life helped shape me into the lively, social, and confident person I am today. Looking back on my worries now, I think it's all stupid. Caring so much about what other people think about you is a struggle for practically all kids, especially if it's comparing themselves to people they know or even a celebrity. I found my confidence in becoming best friends with one kid who impacted my life so much that I would not know what I would have done without him.


The author's comments:

This essay is about me moving across the country to a new high school.


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