January is a pointless month. It’s the beginning of the new year, but the middle of the school year, with the days getting shorter and the nights getting colder. January doesn't make much sense if you ask me, it seems like just an ordinary month. However, in 2014, January altered my life forever.

Wednesday, January 8th, 2014, still haunts me. The thoughts about that day always seem to rush back. I compare it to being locked in a room with no way out. My mom was curling my hair and I remember that night was filled with laughter, but around 11pm my father died of a heart attack. Living with two parents my entire life and suddenly having one ripped away was a shock. My mom has always struggled with bipolar depression, and has a difficulty being there for me emotionally, but I’m extremely grateful to have her around. My dad played a huge role in my life, because he would sometimes have to play the role of both parents.

My dad’s absence took me awhile to get used to, because he was the kind of person I could always count on. My dad supported everything I did throughout my childhood.  Although I was never the best player on the team, he was always in the stands watching me with a smile I could see from a mile away cheering me on. I relied on him for almost everything, and at the age of fourteen, independence was not something I was ready for. 

Days after his funeral I finally had to go back to school and attempt to return to normalcy. When I walked down the halls I received sympathetic stares. People I’d never talk to kept on reaching out to me: “If you need anything, let me know.” Acquaintances were acting like we’ve always been best friends, and teachers were now always checking on me, making sure I was okay. School was already a struggle, but this made the days even worse. To top it off, school was getting even harder, and my dad’s passing made me just want to give up. I had already felt like freshman year was challenging, but now my grades were going down the toilet, and I didn’t know how to fix it. Unfortunately, my home life negatively affected my performance in school, and I struggled to live up to my true potential.

When I want to achieve something, I have always tried my hardest to strive for it. Although I forced much controversy my freshman and sophomore years of high school, I did not want to give up.  I always dreamt about going to college, and hope to be an English teacher after high school. I watched my older sister graduate from high school and then attend the University of Delaware; her success inspired me.

In my junior year of high school, I really started to focus in school, studied hard at home, and attended extra help sessions every time my teachers offered them. My grades started to reflect my efforts, and I was inspired to do more. I finally discovered my passion for creative writing, and I even participated in poetry readings. Also, I got a lifeguarding job during the last few summers, and started earning my own money. I didn’t rely on my parents as much as I did in my past;  I learned to rely on myself.

My dad's death was an extremely traumatic experience in my life. His death taught me that you can’t depend on one person for everything. People will come and go and no matter how important they are in your life, you have to learn to become independent. The struggles in my life shaped me into the person I am, and although my life wasn’t easy, I would not change the person I have become today.