all what we think about it's o live with freedom,and peace,and to show to the others that we're happy...

i'm gonna talk just about myself now.is it impossible to live happily whithout i should laugh to hide what inside meand hide my tears and make it tears of happiness????? all mywords are hypocrites for what i feel about, i try to hide everything but noo...

i can lie at everyone, but i an't lie at myself, because she's the only one who can feel the same that i feel, why all that?! ALL my great success is that i hide all my depness secrets in front  people, and i failed in revealing what inside of me to feel more better!but all what i tried to do it's to find excues to people to believe that i'm so happy ,but sometimes my tear overcomes me...

my cup is full, my life is such as mysterious spiral.

i'm gonna talk about the first case that i won't be able to conceal because it is heartache.

when i was young,it was the day of ASHURA it's like hallowen, i remember that day as it was yesterday, i remember that innocent face that was gone.I was at my grandma's house,i went to paly aoutside with girls, some boys come and askes mr to play with them "hide and seek" and i said yes, that will close my life, after hiding, i hide my childhood at that time.

i was subjected to an attempet rape , i was too young, i did not know what that feeling was ,util i got older and realize its meaning.I used to do horrible things to escape the reality i was in, plus family problems that i won't try to talk about .The older i get, the more i punished myself , i remember the first time i tried to kill myself was in seventh grade of middle school, i was so tired, i couldn't resist the pain of this world,the others thinks that we're idols that don't feel anything, they think the smile on the face is real...

Every woman who do makeup isn't just for being  pretty or hot, but there're those who are trying to hide some scars or burns...,.I was bullied and not satisfied with my hopeless situation,i tortured myself in vain , why all this, why?! I admit that i am wrong right wrong and that i hurt myself , i wanted to smile and laugh because i saught myself a fake amile, but myself got used to it, so i resorted to looking dor a shelter to draw it, even if it diminishedmy dignity .Si how can i feel peace ???? and my femininity's lost , i surrendered to life, i wait everyday for my death.

Everyday my life get's darker, especially when i see myself laughing out loud then i know that i'm in my worst and i feel sorry for myself .I laugh when i'm with others to curb my sadness in order not to show them my weakness, but my laughter makes me get hurt.

It's hurt when i see myself in this horrible situation, it hurts when i see that i'm the only one who knows that after that simle, hides my biggest sadness....