Sitting in my dark cold closet with a kitchen knife to my red bloody wrist, I cried but made sure no one in the house like mom or dad could hear me. The six cuts into my wrist are pushing out blood like a waterfall, it relieved the pain my body felt. It’s hard to live a life such as mine, when something so horrible happens to you unexpectedly.

That day was cold and muggy but what did anyone expect on a September day? It’s the eighth of September and the first day of school. Waking up every morning during the week at five a.m. and having to catch the bus by twenty after six, is completely tiring. Thankfully this was my last year, finally reached my senior year.

So here I was waking up at five a.m. to my little black and pink alarm clock that sits on my oak night stand next to the right side of my bed. It was only an arms reach away so I just reach my arm over and hit the snooze button. I laid there until five-o-eight. I grabbed my clothes and jumped in the shower. I got out of the shower a half an hour later. I brushed my sparkly white teeth that I took great care of, washed my face that was completely acne free, and I brushed my long natural-blonde hair.

Finally I was ready to go but I had to find something to eat for breakfast. I looked in the fridge and seen our left over pancakes from last night’s dinner. We occasionally had breakfast for a dinner.

I heated up a pancake in the microwave and dosed it with maple syrup and a little square of butter in the middle.

“Mmm, this is so delicious!” I said to myself.

I finished eating my pancake and poured myself a nice cold glass of milk. I gulped down the milk, put the glass and my fork in the sink and threw away the syrupy paper plate. I grabbed my purse and backpack and out the door I went.

I walked down our graveled driveway, to get on the bus. When I got on, I felt weird. I was the only one on the bus so far. The bus driver had only the back lights. It was completely dark in the front. I decided to sit three sits behind the bus driver.

The bus ride was quiet and felt like forever. Finally, the bus pulled up in front of the three story school we call Camden Lincoln High School. I had gone here for three years now, this year being my fourth. I knew where I was going, which was to find MaryAnn Joe, Chris Peyton, Hunter Lee, and Donna Heines. They were my closest friends.

As I walked down the florescent hallway to my locker, I saw my friends standing in front of MaryAnn Joe’s locker. They were laughing and talking like their usual selves.

“Hey Carrie, come over here,” Chris shouted to me across the hallway.

“Okay. Just give me a minute,” I replied back.

I put some folders into my locker and got ready for first hour, and walked over to all my friends as the first bell rang. It felt like while I was walking over to my friends everyone was watching me and whispering, like they knew what happened to me over the summer. I never felt so disturbed and nervous in my entire life.

“Carrie, how was your summer? Can you believe we’re back at school again for our last year?” asked Donna.

As I glanced over at Hunter who was standing next to his girlfriend of eleven months Donna I simply replied back, “My summer was okay I guess. It could’ve been better but it was fun, most of the time. Yeah we’re finally seniors, you know. It’s crazy!!”

“Oh Okay. Well I’m sorry it wasn’t the greatest summer for you, Carrie. I would’ve been there having a blast with you if I wasn’t in Texas with Hunter.”

My voice started to crack a little bit while I said to Donna, “Oh its fine. Don’t worry. As long as you two were having a wonderful time together, that’s all that matters, I guess. But Donna, do you think you could come over tonight so we could talk and catch up on some gossip?”

Donna turned to ask Hunter if that was okay because they had plans to go out to eat and go back to his house. She turned back around and replied, “Yes, I’ll come over. What time do you think would be good?”

“Around four if that’s okay with you? I just have to clean the house a little bit.”

“We have a plan. I will see you then, Okay?”

“Okay see you at four,” I said as she slowly turned to walk away.

I started to turn to walk away but before I could, Chris stopped me and asked me if I’d go to the Halloween party with him. I was in complete shock that Chris, of all people, asked me to go, even though we’re the best of friends. I responded hesitantly, “Chris I’m not sure. I think my mom has something planned as a family but I will check and see okay?”

Chris smiled, “Okay Carrie. If you’ve got something planned as a family then that’s fine, it’s not a big deal. Just let me know when you find out!”

The first day of school was boring because every teacher went over the same rules every hour. First, second, And third hour flew right on by and then lunch slowly crept by. Goodness gracious though, fourth and fifth hour took forever to get over. Sitting in my fifth hour class, Home Economics, the clock finally hit two-thirty. The bell rang and everyone was rushing out of class rooms down every hallway to their lockers and the buses. I, however, had my license, so I didn’t have to worry too much about rushing to get out of this school to a bus.

I lived only about ten minutes away from the school, so I got home pretty quickly. Today that was good since Donna was coming over. I had plenty of time to clean the house and started on my homework before she arrived.

I vacuumed the entire house, dusted, did laundry, did dishes, and with all that going, I still squeezed in a little time to work on my homework.

The door bell rang at four-o-five and I realized its Donna at the door. I quickly got to the door and answered it. I welcomed her in and we went to the dining room.

“Hey, Carrie. What are you up to?”

“Not much, just cleaning and doing some homework. What about you?”

“I haven’t been up to much. You have homework already on the first day, girl? That’s crazy stuff. So you got anything to come clean about from over the summer? We got to catch up a little bit here,” Donna declared with a bit of excitement in her voice.

“Yeah I have to write an autobiography about myself. Donna I asked you to come over tonight because I can’t deal with this certain thing that has been bothering me. I think you need to know, so I’m going to tell you while we’re here talking.”

Donna sounded kind of not herself as she said, “Okay. Well, what is it? You know I’m always here for you, so you but you could’ve told me sooner if you said it’s been bugging you for a while now. You can tell me anything.”

I looked at Donna with a tight queasy feeling in my stomach. “How am I going to tell her?” I thought to myself. This is the hard part that I thought I’d never have to come clean about.

“Donna you promise not to flip out on me or be mad with what I’m about to tell you? I really need you to believe me here and be here for me because I don’t know how to handle it anymore. I haven’t told anyone. So I’m really hoping you’ll understand where I’m coming from as your best friend.”

“Carrie. Just tell me already. You know I’m your best friend, and I’ll always be here for you no matter what happens to you. I’ll believe you about whatever it is your about to tell me, but you’re getting me worried about you,” Donna spoke with nervousness in her voice.

“Okay, then here it goes. Donna, do you remember when we were invited to that fourth of July party? You couldn’t make it but Hunter went without you?”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“Well … Umm … That night I was raped. I wasn’t sure how to tell anyone because I don’t want people to treat me differently or have anyone not believe me.” My big brown eyes started to tear up because I knew what she was going to ask next.

“Oh my god, Carrie. You could’ve told me this way sooner, honey. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. I’d never think different of you because this totally isn’t your fault at all. Do you know who did it though?” Donna was completely shocked and had that look on her face.

My heartbeat raced, and butterflies were in my stomach. I softly answered the question I never wanted to answer, “Yes I know who did it. That’s the thing I’m worried about.”

“Carrie, who was it then? Do I know him? You should’ve turned him in and gotten help.”

“Donna please, please, please believe me and promise not to blow up at me.” My brown eyes started to pour out water like the Niagara Falls. “Donna, it was Hunter.”

“What? Hunter wouldn’t do that. Are you jealous of us dating or something? I can’t believe you, Carrie,” Donna said with anger in her voice.

“Donna, I’m serious; serious as I’ve ever been in my life. I wouldn’t break the two of you up. You’ve been together for almost a year now, and you’re great together. I’m not jealous of either one of you or what you have together.”

“Well, obviously you’re jealous, and I don’t think we should be friends if you’re just going to start making up lies like this. I can’t believe you’d come up with such a lie and actually insist of me believing you. I know Hunter, and I know for a fact that he’d never do something like this ever, especially to you. I got to go, Carrie.” Donna walked out the door, stomping one foot then the other as loud as she could.

I couldn’t believe my best friend of eight years didn’t believe me about this. It made me so furious and upset, especially let down.

I went up stairs to my bedroom and locked the door behind me. No one was home, but they’d be home soon. I grabbed the knife that was tucked between some clothes in my closet and started crying. I dropped to my knees and then sank to the floor.

“I can’t handle this pain anymore. I can’t believe Donna didn’t honestly believe me but it shows that she’s really not my friend after all,” I quietly whispered to myself.

I raised the knife to my skin on my wrist where it had met many times after July fourth. I started to cut. I cut a total of eight cuts on my left wrist and partially up my forearm.

Suddenly I started to panic a little bit when there is a knock at my bedroom door.

“Carrie? Are you in there, sweetie?” Mom said ever so gently outside my door.

“Yeah, Mom, I’m in here. I’m just working on an autobiography of myself for a class. I’ll be down in a little bit, Kay?” I said forcing myself to hide the sound of hurt in my voice.

Before mom walked away to go downstairs she said, “Okay. I just wanted to check on you to make sure you were alright. You’re dad picked pizza up for dinner. Come down when you’re ready. We’ll save you a plate.”

I heard her walk down the wooden stairs and start talking to dad.

I grabbed a black shirt off one of my hangers in my closet and clenched it to my wrist, so I could slightly stop the bleeding and wiped off as much blood as I could.

I had the bleeding stopped for a few minutes, so I snuck my body across the hall of my bedroom to the bathroom. I washed my wrist and forearm so that there was no visible blood. Our mirror in the bathroom has a hidden storage department behind it, so all you have to do is swing open the mirror. I swung open the mirror and grabbed the box of Band-Aids that were on the little shelf.

I bandaged myself up and put a long-sleeved t-shirt on. I walked downstairs to find everyone at the dinner table eating pizza. Pepperoni and cheese pizza: my favorite kind of pizza. Dad knows best.

As I sat down at the table my thirteen-year-old sister Serina May stared at me while she took a bite of her pizza. Finally after I sat down and grabbed a piece of pizza she opened her mouth and asked, “So Carrie how was your first day of school? Mine was great.”

“I was wondering when you were going to stop staring and just say something,” I chuckled a bit, “My day went pretty well, thanks.”

“Mom said you were doing homework already. You’ve got homework on the first day of school already?” Serina said with a surprised look on her clean-and-clear complexioned face.

“Yeah, I have to do an autobiography of myself for choir. Mrs. Frey is going to make a book out of everyone’s autobiographies so that everyone can get to know each other.”

“Mmm, sounds interesting.”

I finished eating my third piece of pizza and grabbed a cup from the cupboard. I poured myself some Root Beer from the two liter sitting on the counter and put an ice cube in it to make it just right. I walked back upstairs to be alone for awhile.

This was the last time my family and friends were going to see me … Alive.

I couldn’t take lying to anyone anymore about what happened to me, and obviously I couldn’t tell anyone because, for God’s sake, Donna didn’t believe me. So I locked the door behind me like usual and walked over to my closet. I ripped off the band aids that I’d put on before going downstairs for dinner and the knife, that sat on my closet floor in the black shirt I used to clean my arm a little bit, met my wrist for a few cuts longer.

Four more cuts later, with tears streaming down my face, I grabbed a piece of paper and pencil. I wrote a farewell note to everyone, or I should say anyone who really cared about what happened to me.

“Dear Everyone,

I can’t take this pain anymore that I’m suffering so much. I told Donna the God’s honest truth tonight when she came over, and she left angry because she thought I made up a lie. I’m letting everyone know right now that I was raped on July fourth at a party some friends and I went to. The guy that raped me was indeed Hunter Lee. That’s probably why Donna didn’t believe me because Donna and Hunter are dating. I can’t handle the fact that a friend of eight years couldn’t believe me and be there for me the most when I needed her. I guess we never were friends. Mom, Dad, Serina, I’m very sorry that I’ve hid this horrible tragedy from you for over two months. I didn’t know how to tell anyone about it because I was afraid of everyone acting the way Donna did tonight when she left. I can’t think of any better way to fix this all than to end my life right now. I can’t live with this pain any longer. I love you all. I’m sorry, Chris, that I can’t go to the Halloween party with you next month. We had nothing planned as a family, but the thought of going to another party just scared me and made me nervous. Once again, I’m sorry everyone, and I love you all with all my heart and soul. I hope you feel bad, Donna, because if you would’ve stayed and believed me and maybe just tried to help me, then I’d probably still be here on earth tomorrow, but I won’t be. Good Bye everyone and I hope you all have a wonderful life. I’ll forever and always be looking down on you.”