It is almost dark outside. As the sun begins to set, casting an ominous pink glow over the sky, you sit and watch in silence. It is twilight; the thin line between day and night. To you, it doesn’t make any difference. To you, night and day blended together long ago.
Finally, you fall back onto your bed, the sun having disappeared. Sighing, you jam your hands behind your head and stare desolately up at the ceiling. The crumbling plaster above you hangs limply, reminding you of melting icicles. ‘I should really do something about that’ you think to yourself half-heartedly. Not that you ever will.
You roll over gloomily and bury your head in your pillow, inhaling its familiar scent. You have no idea what the time is, but it must be quite late. You know that time is running out- that you must decide soon. But it is hard, and it is giving you a headache. You sigh again- for what feels like the 50th time in an hour- and seriously consider hitting your head against the wall in your frustration. However you don’t, knowing that it would not do you- or the wall- any good.
It is dark inside now, but you don’t turn on any lights. What is the point? You like the dark- you always have. You can hide in the dark. In the dark, you don’t have to pretend anymore. You check your watch. It is 10 minutes to 10. You only have 10 more minutes- 10 minutes to make up your mind and make the big decision you have secretly been agonising over for weeks. 10 minutes to decide whether to leave your home forever, or stay.
For a moment, your throat tightens and you can’t breathe. It is as though the world has suddenly stopped all around you- the loud ‘tick tock tick tock’ of a clock reverberating through your head. Time is running out. You know you can’t run away from it anymore, and that you have to decide, right now. Breathing in shakily, you push yourself up into a sitting position and reach for the phone beside you. And then suddenly, you realise in that moment, that it was never really a decision. You had always known what you wanted, what you needed to do. You had just never realised it before now.
Your hands shake as you dial your best friend’s number, almost dropping the phone. You sigh dejectedly, press the ‘ring’ button and push the phone against your ear. ‘What is there to be nervous about anyway?’ You ask yourself angrily. You want this. You shouldn’t be scared.
The phone is answered after only two beeps. It crackles into life.
“Hey,” a warm wave of relief surges through you at the sound of your best friend’s voice.
“I’ve decided,” you declare, not wasting any time.
“It’s about time,” she jokes, attempting to lighten the mood. “So are you coming?”
“Yeah, I can still stay for the summer, right?”
“Of course!” she exclaims, causing you to smile. “You know my parents think of you as a second daughter- they’d be delighted!”
“O.K then,” you say, “In that case, I’ll be there in about an hour,”
“That’s fine, we’ll have some soup ready for you,” she assures me. You chuckle, even though it is a little forced.
“I’ll see you soon,”
Then you cut the connection and replace the phone, smiling.